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That's all what l'm wondering , and talking to him an hr on the phone , asking for trouble. And trying to tell you in your 60s you still look the same as you did late 20s ummm, dead givaway right there , time to get walking. But it must've been as weird as hell standing next to an ex husband of over 30yrs ago, in your driveway, not to mention drive bys and what have you..
l don't know about telling him that stuff , l mean l can understand why you'd like to l'd like to tell my ex some things too , just don't know, it might set him off into trying to make a mends and hanging round even more or something , or start some other on going bs.
ps , saw my just a gf from16, 30yrs later once , and l was thankful then that l didn't marry her back when let me tell ya.
LOL...about your long ago gf.
Yeah...he's a bullsh**ter. I don't look the same, obviously. I took it to mean that I didn't look like he was expecting...maybe fat, wrinkled, whatever. I really look like an older version of me at 30...same figure, weight, longish brown hair, not wrinkled much. I live a healthy lifestyle & have exercised a bit regularly all my adult life. But yeah....he's a player, as they say. That was a line to have an effect.
Yes, it was very weird having him in my driveway. Then asking me to kiss him? And there was no way I was going to get in that car, in close quarters with him. He seemed not to realize that we didn't know each other any more.
Then he walked to my door, to "visit" and chat inside...I cut him off at the door, saying I had things to do. No way was I going to be alone inside w/him, in case he forced himself on me (which he'd done before).
I will extricate myself from the situation. Thank you.
Don't meet in person. Send a text saying you don't want to see him or talk to him anymore. I'd also tell him you're seeing someone else to dissuade him even more - it's a little disturbing that he's been driving around your house for a year. Isn't that stalking?
I hadn't thought of that. Maybe it's stalking only if the person doesn't want you to do that, and he had no way to contact me otherwise to know? When I cut it off, it'd be stalking if he continues. I think.
Tell him your dating someone and not to contact you anymore. I wouldn't go into it about he hurt you, because then he might try to think you're asking him to make it right or something. Just cut him off.
WTH are you doing? Giving him your phone # and then talking with him like that?! Do NOT meet him in person. You sound weak, and he will bully or manipulate you into more contact. Just text him and telling that you've been thinking and want to leave the past in the past. Tell him you do not want to talk to him any more via text or phone or in person. Tell him to not come to your house again. Wish him well, then DO NOT RESPOND to anything he has to say.
You're right. Now that I see it in black & white, and knowing he's a manipulator, he WOULD manipulate/bully me into more contact. I am weak around him. The odd thing is...I'm not normally a weak person, I think. He just has an effect on me. Not a good effect.
The best thing to do might be to tell him while it was fun walking down "Memory Lane" with him the other day, the past is the past and part of your new life is not being in further contact with him. Going into your past history and hurt caused by him and his behaviors only will prolong what needs to be done and give him unnecessary power over you.
Given that your ex seems to have problems with respecting boundaries in person (he asked for a kiss? What the heck?), it might very well be wise to tell him to move on via phone rather than in person.
That seems to be the consensus. Phone is the best way. I like just saying it was fun walking down Memory Lane, but..... That sounds good to me.
Tell him your dating someone and not to contact you anymore. I wouldn't go into it about he hurt you, because then he might try to think you're asking him to make it right or something. Just cut him off.
I agree with this, & I also feel there is no reason to point out all the times he was nasty or failed you. He won't belive it & it will lead to a possible argument. Just make a clean break.
I hadn't thought of that. Maybe it's stalking only if the person doesn't want you to do that, and he had no way to contact me otherwise to know? When I cut it off, it'd be stalking if he continues. I think.
Thanks.
If he has been driving by your house for a year, hoping to catch you... An ex, and the way you describe him... He WAS stalking you...
If he has been driving by your house for a year, hoping to catch you... An ex, and the way you describe him... He WAS stalking you...
Okay. I guess so. This is what I did during our marriage. I made excuses for him. "He didn't mean it" or "He didn't mean it that way" or "He forgot," etc.
Yes, he told me he'd been driving by since last yr. He then told me I'd seen him once, even. He was in a convertible & said hi, and I said hi back. I was taking out trash or getting the mail. I remembered it; it was last year. I didn't know it was him. I thought it was a neighbor that I didn't know yet. So yeah...he's been driving by.
If he calls (or texts again) just say ..... we've caught up on old times, and I am going to be honest and tell you I am not interested in being friends. I am not interested in continuing to have conversations with you. You are part of a past I would just as soon forget about. You have no place in my future.
Think of what counterarguments he may come up that you need to say no to. And you can always say Because I don't want to. I don't want to talk to you again. I don't want to be friends. I don't want anything to do with you. I am entitled to feel that way and what you think about it doesn't matter to me.
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