Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've been to one batchelorette party in my life. We went to a comedy club.
My husband has been to a couple of batchelor parties that I know of. Maybe more. One was at a strip club. Big deal. The other was at a camping site, doing the requisite drinking liquor around the campfire. He tripped over a log and cracked a rib.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34
A friend was telling me this story that about a guy’s wife is tagging along with him to a bachelor party that she isn’t invited to but attending to “keep an eye on him”.
I said, are you serious??? We both thought it was really weird and it would make the entire night extremely awkward if the wife was there. This wife obviously has some control/trust issues not letting her husband go on his own being with his male buddies. Bachelor parties are meant for men only doing guy stuff. Same with bachelorette parties meant for ladies only. I never heard of someone’s SO tagging along. Is this a new thing?
I couldn’t imagine just showing up to a guy’s bachelor party tagging along with my SO. It would be weird for everyone involved. Even if, it was a PG all guys party, being there wouldn’t feel right.
I NEVER heard of a wife tagging along to a bachelor party. That is so funny...but super sad too. If they have no trust in their relationship, they don’t have anything IMO. It’s on both of them to take a step back...breathe...AND think about why they are staying in a relationship with no trust & ability to compromise. It’s just so over the line AND how does the wife...or the man....think this is Ok? Their issues affect everybody else....it’s totally selfish & self absorbed IMO. Who goes to a party they weren’t invited to?
Just one of the thousand and one things where I'm not on the same wavelength as "normal people."
(Not saying this with an "I'm so special" tone, more of an "I'm sad because I can't relate" tone.)
There are a lot of explicit activities and situations that most people find shocking or would never be ok with, that I don't have any discomfort around at all. And then there are things that seem to be perfectly accepted by mainstream society, that make me really uncomfortable.
I find the general concept of most bachelor and bachelorette parties, at least if they involve carousing with strippers and such, to be repugnant. It's like, at the center of it is this person who has committed to another and is getting ready to marry them, there should be love and devotion and a desire for both to be bonded and trusting. But hey, let's set up a whole situation to act like it's entering a prison sentence (who is making you get married anyways?) and furthermore to throw your partner's feelings on a fire like they don't matter one bit. If that is your idea of living it up and you feel like you are making this huuuuge sacrifice, why in the hell even bother getting married? Just keep on partying if that's your thing.
I would not try to go with my husband but I'm not sure I'd feel good about him going to one, even though I adore and trust him. But it's another situation where I would actually be a lot happier if he were dating and sleeping with another woman that I liked and trusted. The stripper deal just feels like..."casual fun means more to me than your feelings and it's OK because I'm not seeing these women as whole actual people, just sex on the hoof." And to be fair here, I'm not the only one between the two of us who isn't comfortable with this kind of thing. Early in our relationship when we were not even exclusive yet, I went to a birthday party for a friend where there was a male stripper. I told him about it and shared plenty about my feelings about the whole deal. I was not comfortable and I didn't want to interact with the stripper guy, I just wanted to show up for my friend. My now-husband, told me that it was "different" with women and male strippers because we were "allowed" to do full on sex acts with them and they'd go along with it and he had all of these ideas in his head about what it would be like. Well, it was not like that. And I told the stripper guy before things got underway that I was giving a handful of cash to the birthday girl and did not want to interact with him, it just wasn't my thing and I was uncomfortable, but to please give her a bit of extra attention for me. He was totally cool with that. Nice guy but his dance was more ridiculous than sexy to me, just flailing his floppy banana hammock around all over the place. Whatever.
I find it funny, I feel that I am a bit prudish about some things, yet going to full on BDSM parties with all that entails? No big. /shrug
But I need to interact conversationally with another person before I will feel any attraction to them at all, and the whole thing of engaging with sexual interest in a way that disregards someone's personality kinda squicks me, and it pushes some kind of buttons when my husband does it, too. It's just a bit of a brain gremlin, I guess. One that at least I'm aware of and try to keep in check, if I can't eliminate it totally.
I read this Sonic, AFTER my other post, and it reminded me that I HAD gone to another batchelorette party, where there was a male stripper. It made me VERY uncomfortable. He was completely naked, except to have his penis wrapped in police tape. He tossed the bride-to-be around like a rag doll. Judging by the looks on her face, I don't think she enjoyed it. I mean, he'd pick her up, turn her upside down and shake her, and dry hump her, etc. It was my first and last experience with a male stripper, and didn't find anything titillating about it at all.
I read this Sonic, AFTER my other post, and it reminded me that I HAD gone to another batchelorette party, where there was a male stripper. It made me VERY uncomfortable. He was completely naked, except to have his penis wrapped in police tape. He tossed the bride-to-be around like a rag doll. Judging by the looks on her face, I don't think she enjoyed it. I mean, he'd pick her up, turn her upside down and shake her, and dry hump her, etc. It was my first and last experience with a male stripper, and didn't find anything titillating about it at all.
Wow! Yeah, this dude did not do anything quite like that. I wasn't the only woman who was not interested in being part of the action, the woman I once was poly with, and currently I guess you'd call her my best friend, she wasn't into it either. We both watched from across the room. They had birthday girl in the middle on a folding chair with stripper guy mostly focused on her, and a circle of chairs around with the other women at the party. At one point they put money in her clothes and the guy plucked the bills out with his teeth. And one of the women was really into trying to smack him on the backside, which I'm not sure he consented to, but he didn't seem to mind I guess.
It wasn't too crazy, and the other gals seemed to be having fun, it just wasn't my thing.
You know what I do like? Male pole dancers and belly dancers (well, any gender really.) Because I like talented performance art, and to me, that's what those things are. I get the same enjoyment from watching ice skaters, acrobats, fire spinners, jugglers and other performers.
Been to both bachelor and bachelorette parties with my SO back in the day (I am a guy). The bachelorette parties tended to be way way wilder.. Then again, I don't think that's the norm. Those that attended knew both of us very well. We weren't new to that type of scene.
I think there would be more concern with the other's trying to enjoy and the presence of another's SO would kinda dampen the spirits a bit. Especially if the bride / groom didn't feel comfortable with it. If I were in that person's shoes, I'd make that the point in the discussion with my SO on whether or not they should go.... if she had insisted, I'd probably do everyone a favor and back out all together.
I'm also in agreement... there are some insecurities at play here.
I've heard of helicopter parenting... I suppose this is helicopter spoucing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
If I were the guy hosting the bachelor party, I'd uninvite the attendee who was insisting on bringing his wife. (And yes, this is on him, not entirely on her. He's agreeing that she come along).
I have to agree that this sounds like a good idea. You don't want to spoil the party with this kind of couple's drama.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I NEVER heard of a wife tagging along to a bachelor party. That is so funny...but super sad too. If they have no trust in their relationship, they don’t have anything IMO. It’s on both of them to take a step back...breathe...AND think about why they are staying in a relationship with no trust & ability to compromise. It’s just so over the line AND how does the wife...or the man....think this is Ok? Their issues affect everybody else....it’s totally selfish & self absorbed IMO. Who goes to a party they weren’t invited to?
