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Women with low self esteem purposely get in contact with men behind bars. They think they don't deserve more and at least that person cannot run away, has less standards, loves them more purely, and cannot cheat. I also think, one is wired to look for "bad" boys. They are instinctively attracted by someone who streams out the "no good" vibe.
You can put 10 guys in a row, with no info on them or nothing. A woman who is drawn to bad boys will pick out the one out of the 10 who has a long prison record.
I do not have any proof for this, that is just my 2 Cents and experience.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
My stepson is a felon, who has done his time. He is not good relationship material. Not at all. And yet, he and his wife have been married over 10 years now. He has cheated on her, called her horrible names, barks orders at her, and so on and so forth. And yet...she sticks with him. And not only that, the woman he was cheating with is still in his life, and ALL the grandkids think this other woman is SOO nice! And that other woman is QUITE willing to take whatever crumbs he offers when he feels like it.
And if he and his wife were to break up for real, and he was back in the dating market...I have no doubt it wouldn't take him long to find someone else.
And one of the weird things of it all...IF HE is in a happy and gregarious mood...guaranteed, his wife won't be. She'll be angry or mopey and weepy. It's a given, born out time after time.
A few years ago, stepson was taking mood stabilizing drugs, and he was a pleasure to be around. Oddly, (or maybe not so oddly) DIL couldn't be happy with that. She' complain about how no one seemed to remember how he USED to be, and everyone just thinks he's SOOO nice, but she remembers how he used to be...
Are we talking about people currently behind bars or past felons who have served their time and been released?
If it is the former, I would think the attraction to this would be the fact they cannot actually have this person all the time and they get the thrill of the chase knowing it will never actually end.
The latter.
There is a meme on fb about the former. 'With a prison bf, he's going to spend all his time talking to you about your future.'
I get that, sort of, I don't get how the women don't get 'jail talk' being totally different than how they will be when they get out, but I get the idea.
My stepson is a felon, who has done his time. He is not good relationship material. Not at all. And yet, he and his wife have been married over 10 years now. He has cheated on her, called her horrible names, barks orders at her, and so on and so forth. And yet...she sticks with him. And not only that, the woman he was cheating with is still in his life, and ALL the grandkids think this other woman is SOO nice! And that other woman is QUITE willing to take whatever crumbs he offers when he feels like it.
And if he and his wife were to break up for real, and he was back in the dating market...I have no doubt it wouldn't take him long to find someone else.
And one of the weird things of it all...IF HE is in a happy and gregarious mood...guaranteed, his wife won't be. She'll be angry or mopey and weepy. It's a given, born out time after time.
A few years ago, stepson was taking mood stabilizing drugs, and he was a pleasure to be around. Oddly, (or maybe not so oddly) DIL couldn't be happy with that. She' complain about how no one seemed to remember how he USED to be, and everyone just thinks he's SOOO nice, but she remembers how he used to be...
Not fun. Not fun at all.
wow, that is so interesting!!! And crazy!! Or not?
Of course this is a thing, and has been for a long time. Women search for inmate pen pals and even get married while one is still incarcerated with zero hope of parole.
I knew about that, yes, but not seeking felons outside. One article was talking about how it's hard for them to get jobs/rent a place to live, and all the other struggles that can come with that.
I can understand accepting a felony, but not seeking a felon on purpose.
My step brother is a felon. Didn't stop him from advancing on the oil rig to CAPTAIN!, a job felons can get that pays well, and felons can BUY places to live no problem.
He's a catch, his issue was drug addiction, not sociopathy. He's as cured as one can get from drug addiction, and likes now to work, fish, be a husband and grampa..........
So THAT I get, saying 'ok, this person has a past that doesn't define them'.
But not 'lemme get on this dating app specifically to hook up with/date felons'.
I believe some people seek them out for many possible reasons:
- they like being attached to the notoriety like those who seek out to marry mass murderers like the Night Stalker, etc.
- they think they can fix them
- plain, pure stupidity
- plain, pure lack of self-worth/self esteem, etc. to think that's the only type of person they deserve
- they're attention-obsessed/starvers & this is their only way to do it
- they know where their partners are at all times (in prison) so they (stupidly) think they have nothing to worry about (such as him/her galavanting around, etc.)
- so the person (on the outside) can still live freely, yet still say they've got a man or woman
- they've completely given up on finding someone (better) & just settled because in their eyes, a felon's still better than no one at all
- it makes them feel needed because the person's in prison, so they (the person on the outside) is all the felon's got
My stepson is a felon, who has done his time. He is not good relationship material. Not at all. And yet, he and his wife have been married over 10 years now. He has cheated on her, called her horrible names, barks orders at her, and so on and so forth. And yet...she sticks with him. And not only that, the woman he was cheating with is still in his life, and ALL the grandkids think this other woman is SOO nice! And that other woman is QUITE willing to take whatever crumbs he offers when he feels like it.
And if he and his wife were to break up for real, and he was back in the dating market...I have no doubt it wouldn't take him long to find someone else.
Stuff like this…can’t decide whether it aggravates me more or discourages me more. I’m not saying that former cons aren’t worthy of love or aren’t redeemable, or that everyone who is an ex-con is a bad person. But it seems like many of them who are not redeemed and who are bad news…and who treat women awful, like in your stepson’s case…don’t have trouble finding women who are interested in them. There is also apparently a noticeably numerous slice of women who find Bad News Guys like that attractive. Meanwhile, bland, nerdy, awkward guys like me don’t merit a second glance from women. I’m not saying I’d make a good husband/boyfriend…20+ years of social proof invalidate that notion, if nothing else does…but at the very least I wouldn’t be abusing/cheating on women.
Everyone is someone’s type, unless you’re bland, nerdy, and awkward.
Stuff like this…can’t decide whether it aggravates me more or discourages me more. I’m not saying that former cons aren’t worthy of love or aren’t redeemable, or that everyone who is an ex-con is a bad person. But it seems like many of them who are not redeemed and who are bad news…and who treat women awful, like in your stepson’s case…don’t have trouble finding women who are interested in them. There is also apparently a noticeably numerous slice of women who find Bad News Guys like that attractive. Meanwhile, bland, nerdy, awkward guys like me don’t merit a second glance from women. I’m not saying I’d make a good husband/boyfriend…20+ years of social proof invalidate that notion, if nothing else does…but at the very least I wouldn’t be abusing/cheating on women.
Everyone is someone’s type, unless you’re bland, nerdy, and awkward.
When I first heard read about hybristophilia, that one really frustrated me too. Mass murders get groupies so why not me?
But later I learned that you really don't want to try to appeal to every woman, you want to dominate your own niche.
With you, I would encourage you to figure out your niche and then own that. Who is kidding who, the women into serial killers instead of you is you dodging a bullet. As for finding a niche spend more time with real women in the real world. Of the activities you like doing , look for the activities that also appeal to the women and try there. Also spend some time volunteering for some cause you believe in. Women generally volunteer more than men do and the women who do volunteer tend be be much cooler than the ones who don't. Do that until you feel like you have exhausted those opportunities and then try something else.,
With you I suspect that there is also an aspect of coming into your own, which involves truly accepting yourself and becoming at peace with that. If you look at Homina and you listen to his story, when he was younger he too face some challenges with dating, I think some of his later success was in part moving further down the dating learning curve and then finding success, but I also think some of that was also just coming to accept himself and in doing so that helped him find his niche. You are going to have to make mistakes and that is part of the process. So take some risks and fail a little more. Its okay. You are okay.
Stuff like this…can’t decide whether it aggravates me more or discourages me more. I’m not saying that former cons aren’t worthy of love or aren’t redeemable, or that everyone who is an ex-con is a bad person. But it seems like many of them who are not redeemed and who are bad news…and who treat women awful, like in your stepson’s case…don’t have trouble finding women who are interested in them. There is also apparently a noticeably numerous slice of women who find Bad News Guys like that attractive. Meanwhile, bland, nerdy, awkward guys like me don’t merit a second glance from women. I’m not saying I’d make a good husband/boyfriend…20+ years of social proof invalidate that notion, if nothing else does…but at the very least I wouldn’t be abusing/cheating on women.
Everyone is someone’s type, unless you’re bland, nerdy, and awkward.
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