Educated men, who do you marry?

[silibran]

Originally Posted by Submariner

We never experienced that 'reality'.

We married in 1981. My Dw has always had the option to work outside of the home. But she never did until after I got a pension, and then she got a government job to get her own pension.

I have held the attitude that I felt my Dw earned us more by staying at home and focusing on increasing our Net Worth, as compared to punching a time card somewhere else.

A couple of times in the 1980s and 1990s, my Dw was volunteering as a budget counselor, and she did the math by putting together a presentation on the costs of day-care, a professional wardrobe, and commuting expenses. Many of her clients were losing money by working. It simply cost them more to go out to work, as compared to staying at home and being a home-maker. [or in my Dw's case managing our investments].

I got my pension in 2001, that was the year when my Dw started her career. Of course she eventually got her pension too. Thank god there are so many careers that still offer pensions.

This year [2021] we both stated our S.S. benefits in addition to both of our pensions.

I went to work when my kids got older. Much of my paycheck, for over a decade, went toward college costs and later for insurance costs for one or another of my kids. Both DH and I do have pensions. My mother went to work as a teacher back when most moms did not work. But her career was very important in the financial stability of our family, and later to the financial well being of her old age.

When the costs of child care are so high, it might make sense for one parent to stay home, and it might be better for the kids. But if mom has a teaching or social service career, she might need to stay employed in order to be eligible for pay raises, and/or promotions. So, there are many factors to consider. I do think there should be extended parental leave plans for families, though.

[Seija]

Originally Posted by Peter600

Men care less about the education of the women they date, and women care more about the education of the men they date. I agree that is true on average. For many men other attributes matter more.

But I wouldn't say men don't care at all - being able to be intellectually stimulated is valued by some men. I would fall in this category - I wouldn't want to date a woman who bores me.

Equally I know of men who prefer dating less intellectual women, because they prefer the power balance that way.

As Henry Rollins says, "Have something in there."

[fleetiebelle]

Originally Posted by 2mares

Regardless of what people think "men care about" or "women care about" its been my experience over my years that couples I know are pretty much on the same educational level. Those with only a high school education tend to pair with those with only a high school education, those with a higher level education tend to pair with those with an equivalent education. Its this phenomenon that people generally pair with those in their social circle. The people they are around, the people they have most in common with. Education and intellect don't necessarily go hand in hand.

And when we get those guys, like upthread, who crow that marriage and relationships are a raw deal for men, like, maybe if those men cared more about who they were getting involved with, and how intelligent and responsible she was, that wouldn't be an issue. You should care about that. Everyone should.

[Seija]

Originally Posted by fleetiebelle

And when we get those guys, like upthread, who crow that marriage and relationships are a raw deal for men, like, maybe if those men cared more about who they were getting involved with, and how intelligent and responsible she was, that wouldn't be an issue. You should care about that. Everyone should.

It is ironic how so many who seem to think marriage is a "raw deal" for men also diminish the value of a woman's intelligence. They seem to be unaware that low earning potential and a lack of degree do not imply a lack of intelligence: You do not need a degree or a lot of money to hire a divorce lawyer.