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That is a very good question. Back in the day things didn't change so quickly. People valued shared memories and staying close to the hometown and family. Jobs didn't require so much moving around unless you were in the military. Only a few commuted more than 20 miles from the hometown which is definitely not the case now... so many factors.
IOW, the "incomplete brain development" theory is a crock? I'm not so sure. Speaking only about those couples whom we read about here, who typically meet and bond in HS, then end up having trouble as a couple by their early to mid 20's, the issue of job-related moving around is irrelevant. At that age, they haven't started career-path jobs, in most cases. The only recurring theme for some of them, is if they chose separate locations for their college study.
Wracking my brain for an explanation, I can only suggest, that the difference may have nothing to do with any of the factors mentioned. It might simply be due to the fact, that the couples that met in HS and end up celebrating their 50th anniversary together are those, who came from stable and loving family backgrounds, while perhaps at least one member of the couples who end up splitting up by their early-to-mid 20's didn't come from such a background.
What else could it be? Other than simply the luck of the draw, i.e. having made the wrong choice in HS, which certainly is not a crime. It seems exceptional to me, that people meeting and bonding so young would have the good fortune of picking the right partner and enjoying a long-lived rewarding marriage, yet there are, or were in earlier generations, seemingly plenty of those couples. I have no statistics, though, to show what percentage they were off the whole of their age-cohort.
When I was in college starting in 1969 guys were getting drafted and shipped to Viet Nam or running to Canada or elsewhere if they had a low draft number, dropping acid, smoking pot, running off to communes. There were a fair number of people doing that. Kent State, the Chicago 7... In my junior year of high school Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., Medgar Evers and others were assassinated. I'd say it was a very tumultuous time in our country's history.
I agree a lot of it is the luck of the draw. I wouldn't say my good friend who's been married for 46 years came from a loving background, but it was at least stable.
When I was in college starting in 1969 guys were getting drafted and shipped to Viet Nam or running to Canada or elsewhere if they had a low draft number, dropping acid, smoking pot, running off to communes. There were a fair number of people doing that. Kent State, the Chicago 7... In my junior year of high school Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., Medgar Evers and others were assassinated. I'd say it was a very tumultuous time in our country's history.
I agree a lot of it is the luck of the draw. I wouldn't say my good friend who's been married for 46 years came from a loving background, but it was at least stable.
Wow. OK. Except that there were tons of guys in college at the time who weren't getting drafted and shipped off. There were student deferments, or something, weren't there? And the assassinations you mention all happened in the 60's. Medgar Evers was assassinated in 1963, a long way from the early 70's. So I'm still wondering what was tumultuous about the early 70's, except the tail end of the Vietnam War. It sounds like you experienced the 60's as pretty harrowing.
I wonder about this. Because here and now on C-D, the standard advice for young couples having problems, especially if they've been together since high school, is to say that the brain isn't finished developing until the mid-20's, so often, the person you found attractive in your mid-teens is not the type of person you'd be interested in at 29 or 30.
If it's so true, that teens' judgment in a choice of partner can't be trusted to be sound, how did so many couples survive so long, back in the day when it was common to meet and commit to a significant other in the teen years (either in HS or in college)?
The marriages that survived likely had partners that found a way to grow up together while allowing each other to attain their own and mutual pursuits/dreams.
Wow. OK. Except that there were tons of guys in college at the time who weren't getting drafted and shipped off. There were student deferments, or something, weren't there? And the assassinations you mention all happened in the 60's. Medgar Evers was assassinated in 1963, a long way from the early 70's. So I'm still wondering what was tumultuous about the early 70's, except the tail end of the Vietnam War.
My memory is fuzzy on that. As I recall, it took a while to get that student deferment. A young man in my youth group at church who was shipped off to Nam in 1970 had a draft number under the number 5. Others didn't fare much better.
We spent 5 hours in a restaurant 40 years later with him telling me all the stories from his days in infantry in Viet Nam. He got a Dear John letter while getting shot up in Nam. The military dumped him off high as a kite on acid (which they plied the guys with continually) on our hometown main street in the mid-70's. He had drug problems for years and hung out with motorcycle gangs. 10 years later he cleaned up, married (long term) had two children and has a good life. Thankfully. He was one of the lucky ones. I wouldn't want the memories and experiences he had in Viet Nam.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
It sounds like you experienced the 60's as pretty harrowing.
Not really, fortunately. I was still in high school. Started college in the fall of 1969. Back then all we had was a few TV network channels, radio and the newspaper. Life was slower then. A lot of kids like me got student loans and focused on college and working a part time job. Student loans were plentiful and cheap, and jobs were plentiful.
That is a very good question. Back in the day things didn't change so quickly. People valued shared memories and staying close to the hometown and family. Jobs didn't require so much moving around unless you were in the military. Only a few commuted more than 20 miles from the hometown which is definitely not the case now... so many factors.
I do not know this Mayberry you are describing here.
My parents have been married 67 years. I only made it to 33, but the last 5 of those we were separated. Marriage isn't on the radar for either of my 30-something kids. One dates for fun but the other rarely even bothers.
My parents, my grandparents, a couple aunts/uncles. I'm only in my 40s but we've been married over 20 years and together for nearly 30 (started dating as teens). My brother is also in his 40s and married to his high school sweetheart. I think maybe 16 years or so now.
The marriages that survived likely had partners that found a way to grow up together while allowing each other to attain their own and mutual pursuits/dreams.
Also, remember that back in the "olden days," divorce was really not a feasible option for many women. They may have been home pregnant and/or taking care of young children for more than a decade, maybe two decades. If they got married out of high school, they likely had no work experience. My grandparents were married for 60-something years. Got married when they were 18, got pregnant within a few months, had a gaggle of kids, and she stayed home with them.
I don't know that they had a great marriage, though at the end, my grandfather was very good with taking care of grandma, who was in a wheelchair and needed a lot of assistance. I'm not sure if they'd have stayed married if grandma had any other options, though. She didn't seem that happy, according to my mom.
But for more modern couples who stay together, especially where both have the capacity to be gainfully employed? I agree with you. I am very happy in my marriage and it's as you described. We enjoy being together, but we both have our hobbies and passions that we can pursue on our own as needed and desired. I don't get jealous if he goes on a fishing trip with the men, and he doesn't worry about it if I travel with my friends or attend a conference or whatever. We have both traveled for pleasure without the other. I have my volunteer things and he has his. Today he met up with our son to see a movie, for example. I'm not interested, so I stayed home and puttered around the house. We aren't one of those couples that have to spend every waking moment together, and I think that has made us stronger on our own and together.
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