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And let's keep in mind that this guy joined a dating site. He's not asexual. He wants to conquer his fears, but he's also terrified.
Asexuality doesn't necessarily mean being aromantic. Plenty of people who are ace don't dig on sex, but enjoy forming intimate bonds with a partner in other ways. Sexuality is also on a spectrum--from those who are disgusted by the act to those who will perform it as a means to an end (that is to have sex in order to get a partner and a family only to sexually shut down once those goals have been achieved) to those enjoy it somewhat regularly to those who are always on the prowl like cats.
The plain fact is that this is not feeling "right" to Mandi. While she does often overthink things at times, on this one, trusting her instinct over rationalization about how lovely on paper this man is might be the wisest course if a talk with her boyfriend as well as some overt initiation on her part yields little to no results.
It's not going to be comfortable for either of them, this talk (and hopefully action), but if it needs to be had in short order before things progress to the point that she feels as though she cannot easily extricate herself from the situation.
Herpes doesn't keep a person from regularly holding hands with a partner and other light, non-sexual forms of intimacy.
Doctor's diagnoses, autism, asexuality, STDs, bi, or simply a naturally lower sex drive..: the fact remains that his "problem" might not be a "problem" for him, but is simply part of who he is. And Mandi is who she is and has the instinct that something's "off" in their interactions. She needs to trust that instinct--especially if physical touch is of high importance to her.
^This!
He may just not be very affectionate, touchy, or sexual. Some people are just wired that way. Doesn't make them mentally ill or anything. Some people need a huge amount of trust before they have sex or even kis..
Different strokes for different folks.
The compatibility just isn't there with these two. Doesn't make either bad or wrong. You will only click with a tiny percentage of all the people you meet/date. If its not there its just not there.
He did hold my hand once. I was surprised. He asked and put his arm around me on movie night. He likes taking pictures together. He does give me the awkward pecks. New Years, he pecked me, then did it again. It was like he wanted to kiss longer and more, so he was trying to.
He did copy everyone on New Years, trying to copy what they were doing.
I don't know if it's autism or just intense fear.
I guess, guys in my past, they want to sit closer to you. Lean in. They try to touch you, get closer. They always want to be grabbing you, hugging you. I'm not ready to jump into bed with him, but as another poster said, that closeness that you start building in the beginning. Alone, there's this zing, like man you just know you want to kiss them, and you know they want to kiss you. It's that pressure in the air.
Even my brother and his girlfriend, they always love being close physically and touching each other. In a cute, sweet way. It's intimacy, without the sexualness
I just find that as normal . And typically, you lead up to sex. I'm like jeez, I thought after maybe 3 to 4 months we'd do the deed. That was my plan. The rate we're going, I don't see that happening.
He told me he cried a bit watching Fifty Shades of Grey. I was like whatttt? Why? He said because it reminds him of experience he's never had. I assume he means sex and not the domination part
Also if the genders were reversed we would probably take issue about a guy pressuring a woman to kiss or get intimate before he's ready. Just because this is a man doesn't mean he's ready to bed down immediately or else it means something is off with him. If it were a woman we would praise it and say she's virtuous for it.
Even my brother and his girlfriend, they always love being close physically and touching each other. In a cute, sweet way. It's intimacy, without the sexualness
Not everyone is like that. It doesn't mean they're autistic.
And it's possible this guy might be like that when he's more comfortable around you. Or maybe not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mandi9
I'm like jeez, I thought after maybe 3 to 4 months we'd do the deed. That was my plan.
I was under the impression that you were ready now. If your plan is 3-4 months, this is the right guy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mandi9
He told me he cried a bit watching Fifty Shades of Grey. I was like whatttt? Why? He said because it reminds him of experience he's never had.
He did hold my hand once. I was surprised. He asked and put his arm around me on movie night. He likes taking pictures together. He does give me the awkward pecks. New Years, he pecked me, then did it again. It was like he wanted to kiss longer and more, so he was trying to.
He did copy everyone on New Years, trying to copy what they were doing.
I don't know if it's autism or just intense fear.
I guess, guys in my past, they want to sit closer to you. Lean in. They try to touch you, get closer. They always want to be grabbing you, hugging you. I'm not ready to jump into bed with him, but as another poster said, that closeness that you start building in the beginning. Alone, there's this zing, like man you just know you want to kiss them, and you know they want to kiss you. It's that pressure in the air.
Even my brother and his girlfriend, they always love being close physically and touching each other. In a cute, sweet way. It's intimacy, without the sexualness
I just find that as normal . And typically, you lead up to sex. I'm like jeez, I thought after maybe 3 to 4 months we'd do the deed. That was my plan. The rate we're going, I don't see that happening.
He told me he cried a bit watching Fifty Shades of Grey. I was like whatttt? Why? He said because it reminds him of experience he's never had. I assume he means sex and not the domination part
You might not have a direct answer to this query, but at what point are you wiling to throw in the towel on this relationship if things don't improve on the intimacy front? (Intimacy not necessarily being sex, but the other forms of affectionate touch and kissing that you're in need of having with a partner.)
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