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Go read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. He really breaks down what it means to be Nice Guy. A Nice Guy is someone who fears being rejected so he doesnn't make his true feelings known to women. Instead he assumes a relationship. He undertakes a series actions on her behalf that he tells himself is winning her over. So he might help her to move, he might watch her dog when she is out of town, he might give her a ride home from class each day. These favors that he is doing for women are something Glover refers to as Covert Contracts. A nice guy is trying to enforce an implicit hidden contract that this woman never actually agreed to which is why women really resent this behavior. Moreover his Nice Guy Behavior isn't actually nice. Helping this woman move or or watching her dog when she is out of town aren't acts he is doing out of the generosity of his heart, they are things he is doing to get a result. You are trying to buy women's affections, which is going to feel very transactional to women and completely turn off any women that you would actually want to date. So this behavior is very detrimental to men involved too.
How you stop nice guy behavior is that you become a lot more assertative with women. Let her know how you feel and ask for an action. Be direct with her. "You seem fun, we should get dinner." She can say yes, she can say no. You also get rid of the Covert Contracts from your life. You are no longer agreeing to do things you don't actually want to do to ingratiate yourself with women. If you don't actually want to help her move, nor help watch her dog or give her a ride home. Don't agree to do any of that.
But I would say the defining characteristic of nice guy behavior is the covert contract.
Forget having women as friends right now. The truth is once they’re in a relationship/married you’re hardly gonna be seeing/be in contact with them much anyway their gonna break away from you because their partner isn’t gonna want them hanging out with a single dude much.
Keep trying to get a relationship. Stop waking on eggshells afraid to ask women out because you fear annoying them.
Some women won’t be receptive and will be annoyed by you hitting on them. Who gives a sh1t it’s not the end of the world
I was always up front with women. Never tried to be their friend or get to know them. If I liked them I asked them out. Usually I was surprised when they said said yes. All I had to do was talk to them for a few minutes and ask.
When I was much younger I wanted to talk to any and everybody. Including young men. However, at this time I was also learning how to communicate and maintain friendships. Because I believed that you had to keep people "interested" in order to maintain friendships, I would flirt with boys in high school, because I thought that was how you were suppose to communicate with boys as a girl. Woooo.....big mistake. I got into a lot of awkward situations because these boys would think I was interested but I actually wasn't. I just wanted friendships. I didn't truly learn this is what I was doing until I got a little older.
I don't really see people in romantic/sexual way, but I am naturally friendly and talkative. Many men would misinterpret this and "shoot their shots." I would get uncomfortable and have to turn them down. Most took it well, others said I led them on. I have learned to restrict myself because a lot of people don't things or feel things the way that I do. So I have learned to be more self aware and careful with my words/actions. It can be exhausting so most of the time I just stay to myself.
Nope, I just make sure to come off as aloof and seemingly disinterested as possible to all women so they won't say I'm harassing them for looking in their general direction.
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