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However, I started resenting him for that even if it hurts me. Do you have any advice?
"Tough love" advise, yes...but you won't follow it.
If you don't want to feel this way for as long as you're together, break it off with him and find someone else that is a better fit for you.
If his dad is like that and he learned from his dad - what makes you think he will change? He won't.
The sooner you understand that and move on with your life, the happier you will be.
He won't change and you'll get more and more miserable until you do change. One can only change him or herself - focus on what you can change about your situation
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Last edited by edglock21; 12-14-2021 at 07:29 AM..
Aww, welcome to funding class 101.
Held for years by men in paying for dates, cabs, venues, flowers, tips. Now the shoes you walk in are quite often male size, so now you know what was ' expected' .
With that said, sit yourselves down. And have the Honest view chat.
May I inquire why you NEED him to move in with you?
Yep, he is. My parents are worried I am paying for his part as well and he is using me or something but I am not worried about that part since I know he really loves me. He is just stingy/cheap unfortunately... he takes that from his dad
You are both too young for this. Just stop - it’s not going to work if you’re already labeling him. End it and move on.
Let me ask you something, OP. Do you think this guy is good marriage material? Or is he only going to work when he feels like it and puts the burden of supporting the family and the household on you?
And what if he does and she’s willing to do that? You act like that wasn’t the typical dynamic for years and years.
Why do you need to move in? Why are you paying for his stuff? What is he saving up for?
Being like dad is a cop out. Why do you make excuse after excuse?
We are our actions. He is taking advantage. Does not reflect well on his character.
So he tells you things you like to hear but the actions say he does not care about you and he exploits you for his advantage. A person like that is suspect and I’d wonder about him in general.
Is he in school or what are his goals? Do you factor in those goals? Probably not.
You are both rather young to be making life long decisions.
I would tell him he has to cover his own damn expenses. I have a feeling the less generous you are the more he will stop being warm or whatever.
You have taught him it’s cool to be a kept bf. He will probably want that to continue with you or somebody.
There is not much to say apart from the fact that my boyfriend is very stingy and keeps finding excuses as to not move in with me even after 2 years. I know I am not supposed to make him do anything which I can't and I won't. It's just that I'm ready for that, he is not but other than that we love each other very much. However, I started resenting him for that even if it hurts me. Do you have any advice?
We are 23 (F) and he is 22.
Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by raluxx
I meant stingy because he refuses to pay for anything almost and only save up. I pay for everything so I get pretty mad when everyone just assume I misuse the word "stingy". I don't get why people jump to conclusions before asking. Anyways...
Quote:
Originally Posted by raluxx
Yep, he is. My parents are worried I am paying for his part as well and he is using me or something but I am not worried about that part since I know he really loves me. He is just stingy/cheap unfortunately... he takes that from his dad
Quote:
Originally Posted by raluxx
Just as an edit, I am living alone and paying for all my expenses, he visits quite often, and he pays 20%-15% and the rest is all me paying. @djsuperfly
I'm personally NOT for people moving in too soon & probably not even after 2 years AND especially at your young 22 & 23 ages...NO WAY!
Now if he'd at least pay 50% of everything in your relationship & assures you that he sees a future in the 2 of you as his wife & therefore is saving up like mad, so you two can have a nice married life, then that would be completely different.
But since he seems like he'd probably be the controlling, ultra penny-pinching husband who would want you to get HIS permission every single darn time you want to buy any little thing...like even a tube of toothpaste, I say move on & dump him now. Don't waste another second of your time & it's a ton better that he didn't want to move in together w/ you.
Be honest w/ yourself. You don't have to put on rose-colored glasses w/ us. Is he honestly the type OR do you believe he'd turn into the type who in which everything financial-wise seems divided like what he makes is his money & what you make is yours AND his too &/or if you want things, YOU have to buy them & he never buys you anything just because he's a nice boyfriend & he loves you, then all the more reason to end this ASAP! I'm telling you, you'll be glad you dodged this bullet!
I certainly think he will put the work on me, because of his family he has some pretty conservative ideas but I talked him out of some but just a bit. But other than that he is really great, loving, caring and a good guy overall. Except for some parts like this and a jealousy issue but other than that we get along great.
Sincerely asking...please elaborate on his good qualities. How does he show you he is loving? How does he show you he is caring? What makes him a good guy? Would you believe us if we told you there are BETTER guys out there?
You are wasting your time on him, and that's about as nice as I can be about it.
There are two problems here that already give OP a good reason to stop pushing and maybe even walk away from this relationship:
1) The boyfriend is coming from a conservative household that probably doesn't approve of living together before marriage. It seems like OP has been trying to 'convert' the boyfriend to a more liberal mindset. First off that's inappropriate; you should never have to push your partner to change their beliefs and I suspect the boyfriend is cautious about commiting to someone who just wants to change and mold him into a person he's not.
2) OP has already laid out the fact their family isn't a fan or trust's the boyfriend. I know I don't want to move in or engage with a partner with family that criticizes my habits or lifestyle. The fact they are this involved with the financial aspect is also problematic. IF one is mature enough to make financial decisions like moving in or date, they shouldn't need to relay that to their parents.
The only person that can be taken advantage of is one that allows it. I don't buy that he's taking advantage because he would have jumped at the chance to have free rent away from mom and dad.
Your boyfriend is a conservative saver and your lifestyle is just a bit much for him. He seems to be trying to tell you he wants to go slow and simple while you keep pushing the opposite leading you to be resentful he's not changing for you.
You need to seriously talk and explain your feelings. I suspect he doesn't want to move in due to his financial preference and his conservative lifestyle; both of which which you should respect. If you can't handle this then you need to move on.
You all are very young to be moving in together. Why are you pushing this? If he's not ready, he's not ready. Pressuring him won't accomplish anything except maybe his resentment of you.
You've made it known how you feel, he knows.
Leave it be for now, he obviously needs to think about and consider the idea of moving in together and how it might effect the relationship.
You should probably do some thinking too.
Jealousy issues? Who's the jealous one, him or you?
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