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I certainly think he will put the work on me, because of his family he has some pretty conservative ideas but I talked him out of some but just a bit. But other than that he is really great, loving, caring and a good guy overall. Except for some parts like this and a jealousy issue but other than that we get along great.
If his family has some "conservative ideas," would that not mean that *he* would be at, the very least, bringing home a decent income for the family as well as doing his fair share of work that needs to be done rather than dumping all of the work on you?
The "excepts" that you mention are huge ones that must be either accepted or resolved if you two wish to form a solid and content permanent relationship. Love does not conquer all.
Taking into consideration all that you've shared thus far, I think that this young man is inadvertently doing you a huge favor by choosing to not move in with you.
Yep, he is. My parents are worried I am paying for his part as well and he is using me or something but I am not worried about that part since I know he really loves me. He is just stingy/cheap unfortunately... he takes that from his dad
I think your parents are right.
You want this relationship to work more than he does.
I'm sorry to say this, but I think you should move on.
I know you don't want to hear that, but good advice is often hard to take.
I certainly think he will put the work on me, because of his family he has some pretty conservative ideas but I talked him out of some but just a bit. But other than that he is really great, loving, caring and a good guy overall. Except for some parts like this and a jealousy issue but other than that we get along great.
If he really is stingy, him being great, loving, caring, etc. in other ways will not carry the relationship. It simply won't be enough. You'll resent him for being stingy and the feelings of love and caring will fall away. Not good.
Well. The 1920’s called. They want their scrolls back.
There's plenty of secular research supporting the idea that living together before marriage doesn't work particularly well. Just because lots of people are doing it doesn't mean it's the smart thing to do:
You've just been given a preview of what the rest of your life will be like if you marry this guy. I predict arguments over money in your future. Red flag No1. He also seems reluctant to commit. Red flag No2. You wanna ignore the first two and wait for Red flag No3 ? Dump the bum and find a real man.
There's plenty of secular research supporting the idea that living together before marriage doesn't work particularly well. Just because lots of people are doing it doesn't mean it's the smart thing to do:
There’s competing research that points that the marriage would have failed anyway. We could sit here and trade links all day. OP is in the wind, so it’s a waste.
Personally, I’m never getting married again, so I have no dog in the hunt. My girl and I are just fine the way we are.
There’s competing research that points that the marriage would have failed anyway. We could sit here and trade links all day. OP is in the wind, so it’s a waste.
Personally, I’m never getting married again, so I have no dog in the hunt. My girl and I are just fine the way we are.
Oh, I do think you have a dog in the hunt. You sound bitter. And it bleeds into the advice you give and the assumptions you make (like assuming he's paying 20% of her living expenses, when it's much more likely he's only paying for 20% of the cost of dates).
As I read through all the comments, I can't help but wonder. If you flipped the genders to this story would all the cheapskate comments, or my favorite of if he loved you more, He would pay. On and on. Would all those comments remain? I really doubt that.
When a man drops his antiquated gender role, a bunch of people can get pretty mean about it. I guess gender role liberation is a female only thing.
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