Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Gosh where do I start without this being to long. I was starting a divorce after 20 years of a failed marriage. In that time I came across my high school crush, always been the girl of my dreams.
Long story short we began a relationship. She to had just started a divorce. Fast forward some time we eventually moved in together. We have been together for 5 years. This dream has been a nightmare for me.
I cook, clean the house, do the laundry, basically everything except the dishes. I work a full time job and lots of side jobs to make ends meet. My divorce was ugly, the put us through bankruptcy and cleans my wallet till my daughter graduates. It is what it is.
However I have given and given and do for my gf every day. She never comes home to a lazy fat drunk. A messy house or anything bad. She also works hard so I do what I do to help her relax. But nothing I do pleases her. She spends all her money on her kids and herself. I spend all my money on our bills and food. She complains everyday how her body cant keep up with work. But she works a 40 hr work week. I pull 60/70.
If I goto bed before her it pisses her off. Oh heck, I could give countless examples, you honestly heard them all before. But literally its as if she waits for me to do or say anything that she can twist as if I did her wrong. She also is extremely jealous, we cant go anywhere without her getting mad claiming Im checking out other women. She will flip on me in public. Weve gone to concerts and she has made scenes. Embarrassed me at restaurants claiming I was checking someone out when I wasnt. She complains all the way to the point of where I prk verse her if I get home first.
If I have a vacation day, I tend to clean the house real good, but she literally is pissed the whole day cause she doesnt get paid days off. But I worked hard and paid for my education and worked hard to get my career. She made bad choices, and I dont mean that rude.
Its almost a pattern that she doesnt want me happy and wants me just beaten down. Like she prefers me unhappy and hurting constantly.
She always says you this or you that. Saying I say or do things I honestly didnt. If I call her out on it she will say “in the past you did that too”. So I ask when, and she says she cant think of it at the moment. We argue every day. No matter what I do to try and help or please her or even avoid her it will be wrong. Then she will apologize saying something so unfelt but just to make it sound like she apologized. But if it isnt passive aggressive its just a sorry, but understand…….and she will go on for 20 mins how all these horroble things I do and how hard she works and then she will say I make her feel horrible. Please understand, I do not ever say anything bad to her. I feel she makes it ip or maybe even suffers from skme mental health issues but Im no doctor.
Im stuck in a lease till July. So I got us a couples counselor, actually a second one. Apparently in her mind the first lady was being all “womanly” with me. So now we have a new one. Im hoping it may help us or keep things at bay if I need to move out. I know Im probably one of many like this but be straight up, is there really no fixing this?
So you have two failed relationships back to back. The common factor here is you. I can understand one bad relationship but, two?? Have you tried not checking out other women? Usually, when eyes start to wander, they are not fully invested in the person they are with and are stringing somebody along at that point. I'm guessing your gf is reacting to that. Definitely get out of that and stay single.
Thanks. You pretty much nailed it. Yes there were red flags in the first year. It has become progressively worse over each year with the last 2 being this bad. This year she has even become physical a couple times punching me all over. When she wound up to try and cold club me in the face, I stopped her arm. I told her I can handle arms and chest and it isnt right but the moment you hit my face I walk.
Your right, I dont want to put up with it anymore. I guess I needed outside opinions to help wake me to the truths and stop hiding in the “hope”.
Counseling did seem to work at first but the counselor told her stop using the past and stop saying You this or you that”. It actually was helping heal us. But she couldn’t maintain it and now is back at it. I brought it up and she said “ph F the counselor, she doesnt know everything”. So cleary that shows me she doesnt care about the counseling either.
Im going to move on. Just need to get my stuff organized and find a place and then Im going to let her know. She already knows Im not signing the lease again. Now its just a matter of finding a new home for me
Thanks for the reply. Woah, if there were red flags already in year 1 of 5 of dating, WHY did you stay in this so very long? And I don't know when you two moved in together, but that was a mistake too. I'm not one for a couple moving in fast...continue dating for 2 yrs first at the VERY least & really get to know the person before even thinking about moving in or geetting engaged. My Mom also told me to do something to get the person mad (nothing malicious or anything), but something that could make a person upset just to see how they handle the situation. (If they get in some uncessarily outrageous rage, that's a huge red flag.)
I hope you find a new place soon, but don't give her the heads-up about hardly anything if you don't have to. You never know when she may turn crazy, psycho, stalkerish, or whatever else. (I'm sure there was a time you never thought she'd get physical w/ you, but she did.) If I were you, I wouldn't want her to know a thing, espcially where I move to next. Move when she's gone at work or something so she can't follow you. She doesn't need to know. I'd make sure I take EVERYTHING & if I forget a couple little things, I'll just buy another. She's not going to be in & out of my new place dropping of my last stuff!
Make a CLEAN BREAK. I wouldn't want to stay friends w/ someone like this...so NO talking on the phone 1-3xs/mo, texting here & there & surely no meeting up in-person "as friends" nor all that garbage. I'd want to be COMPLETELY DONE. Thank God you never had kids w/ her...you didn't, right?
Thanks. You pretty much nailed it. Yes there were red flags in the first year. It has become progressively worse over each year with the last 2 being this bad. This year she has even become physical a couple times punching me all over. When she wound up to try and cold club me in the face, I stopped her arm. I told her I can handle arms and chest and it isnt right but the moment you hit my face I walk.
Your right, I dont want to put up with it anymore. I guess I needed outside opinions to help wake me to the truths and stop hiding in the “hope”.
Counseling did seem to work at first but the counselor told her stop using the past and stop saying You this or you that”. It actually was helping heal us. But she couldn’t maintain it and now is back at it. I brought it up and she said “ph F the counselor, she doesnt know everything”. So cleary that shows me she doesnt care about the counseling either.
Im going to move on. Just need to get my stuff organized and find a place and then Im going to let her know. She already knows Im not signing the lease again. Now its just a matter of finding a new home for me
She HITS. How is the remotely acceptable to you even if she limited her blows to your arms and chest? If the counselor was aware that this woman of yours was striking you and didn't advise you to leave, that counselor is unworthy of his or her title.
I sometimes hear stories like this and for the life of me I can't understand why anyone would stay. Just go, man. And spend some time with YOU.
And maybe meet a girl in a bar every once in a while so you can get some until you find someone you want to be with. At least you won't fall into a stupid relationship just so you can get laid.
Gosh where do I start without this being to long. I was starting a divorce after 20 years of a failed marriage. In that time I came across my high school crush, always been the girl of my dreams.
Long story short we began a relationship. She to had just started a divorce. Fast forward some time we eventually moved in together. We have been together for 5 years. This dream has been a nightmare for me.
I cook, clean the house, do the laundry, basically everything except the dishes. I work a full time job and lots of side jobs to make ends meet. My divorce was ugly, the put us through bankruptcy and cleans my wallet till my daughter graduates. It is what it is.
However I have given and given and do for my gf every day. She never comes home to a lazy fat drunk. A messy house or anything bad. She also works hard so I do what I do to help her relax. But nothing I do pleases her. She spends all her money on her kids and herself. I spend all my money on our bills and food. She complains everyday how her body cant keep up with work. But she works a 40 hr work week. I pull 60/70.
If I goto bed before her it pisses her off. Oh heck, I could give countless examples, you honestly heard them all before. But literally its as if she waits for me to do or say anything that she can twist as if I did her wrong. She also is extremely jealous, we cant go anywhere without her getting mad claiming Im checking out other women. She will flip on me in public. Weve gone to concerts and she has made scenes. Embarrassed me at restaurants claiming I was checking someone out when I wasnt. She complains all the way to the point of where I prk verse her if I get home first.
If I have a vacation day, I tend to clean the house real good, but she literally is pissed the whole day cause she doesnt get paid days off. But I worked hard and paid for my education and worked hard to get my career. She made bad choices, and I dont mean that rude.
Its almost a pattern that she doesnt want me happy and wants me just beaten down. Like she prefers me unhappy and hurting constantly.
She always says you this or you that. Saying I say or do things I honestly didnt. If I call her out on it she will say “in the past you did that too”. So I ask when, and she says she cant think of it at the moment. We argue every day. No matter what I do to try and help or please her or even avoid her it will be wrong. Then she will apologize saying something so unfelt but just to make it sound like she apologized. But if it isnt passive aggressive its just a sorry, but understand…….and she will go on for 20 mins how all these horroble things I do and how hard she works and then she will say I make her feel horrible. Please understand, I do not ever say anything bad to her. I feel she makes it ip or maybe even suffers from skme mental health issues but Im no doctor.
Im stuck in a lease till July. So I got us a couples counselor, actually a second one. Apparently in her mind the first lady was being all “womanly” with me. So now we have a new one. Im hoping it may help us or keep things at bay if I need to move out. I know Im probably one of many like this but be straight up, is there really no fixing this?
If you're so unhappy in this toxic relationship, what's still holding you there? I know relationship has many challenges, but if the good times, peace and comfort you enjoy in the relationship are not more than the challenges and what can make you to work harder on it, you'd better get out before you lose your sanity.
From your story it's obvious the relationship is choking you, so the question I want to ask you is: what are you still doing there?
Fair enough question. I love her and had hoped that with counseling these issues would get ironed out. I had hope. When you truly love someone and know its not doing good, you exhaust all resources before saying good bye. For me this counseling was my last hope.
I even found a counselor who empowers women. She really stands up for them being strong. Hoping she would help my gf find some strengths she needs and also maybe encourage her for her own individual counseling.
So I am still here cause Im only now “waking” to the realization that nothing is going to get better. Now Im taking the steps to move on.
Gosh where do I start without this being to long. I was starting a divorce after 20 years of a failed marriage. In that time I came across my high school crush, always been the girl of my dreams.
Long story short we began a relationship. She to had just started a divorce. Fast forward some time we eventually moved in together. We have been together for 5 years. This dream has been a nightmare for me.
I cook, clean the house, do the laundry, basically everything except the dishes. I work a full time job and lots of side jobs to make ends meet. My divorce was ugly, the put us through bankruptcy and cleans my wallet till my daughter graduates. It is what it is.
However I have given and given and do for my gf every day. She never comes home to a lazy fat drunk. A messy house or anything bad. She also works hard so I do what I do to help her relax. But nothing I do pleases her. She spends all her money on her kids and herself. I spend all my money on our bills and food. She complains everyday how her body cant keep up with work. But she works a 40 hr work week. I pull 60/70.
If I goto bed before her it pisses her off. Oh heck, I could give countless examples, you honestly heard them all before. But literally its as if she waits for me to do or say anything that she can twist as if I did her wrong. She also is extremely jealous, we cant go anywhere without her getting mad claiming Im checking out other women. She will flip on me in public. Weve gone to concerts and she has made scenes. Embarrassed me at restaurants claiming I was checking someone out when I wasnt. She complains all the way to the point of where I prk verse her if I get home first.
If I have a vacation day, I tend to clean the house real good, but she literally is pissed the whole day cause she doesnt get paid days off. But I worked hard and paid for my education and worked hard to get my career. She made bad choices, and I dont mean that rude.
Its almost a pattern that she doesnt want me happy and wants me just beaten down. Like she prefers me unhappy and hurting constantly.
She always says you this or you that. Saying I say or do things I honestly didnt. If I call her out on it she will say “in the past you did that too”. So I ask when, and she says she cant think of it at the moment. We argue every day. No matter what I do to try and help or please her or even avoid her it will be wrong. Then she will apologize saying something so unfelt but just to make it sound like she apologized. But if it isnt passive aggressive its just a sorry, but understand…….and she will go on for 20 mins how all these horroble things I do and how hard she works and then she will say I make her feel horrible. Please understand, I do not ever say anything bad to her. I feel she makes it ip or maybe even suffers from skme mental health issues but Im no doctor.
Im stuck in a lease till July. So I got us a couples counselor, actually a second one. Apparently in her mind the first lady was being all “womanly” with me. So now we have a new one. Im hoping it may help us or keep things at bay if I need to move out. I know Im probably one of many like this but be straight up, is there really no fixing this?
Consider yourself lucky. Very few people have the opportunity to know what the second half of life might actually looked like if they had stayed with a crush from early in life. Fewer still have the opportunity to see it and get out of it without divorce lawyers and financial obligations. You did, and it sounds like the girl of your dreams actually wasn't.
I have always believed that when we limit ourselves in toxic relationships, the doors are closed to someone who would love and cherish us. The school crush things was teenage hormones, stop living in the past, there was a reason why it didn't work out back then, you dodged a bullet. Stress creates hypertension, ulcers and all manner of health problems, don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm.
Many times theres been hints that if I move out she cant keep this house for her 13 yr old daughter cause my salary is what secures it here. Im feeling like she loves to mentally abuse me, keep me low, control me with her moods, and wants to keep me at bay so she is secure in this house.
I just dont see how this is love on her end. She may like me as a friend, be attracted to me, and moments she thinks she loves me. But is this truly not love? Cause if it is I really dont see there ever being a relationship for me after this with anyone. Happy and alone is better than with someone and lonely. I learned that from my marriage. But I fee I went from bad thing to a whole different one.
OP, what's there to figure out? You're miserable, she's verbally abusive. What more do you need to know? It doesn't matter if it's a warped kind of love on her part, because....you're miserable, and she refuses to discuss it, or meet you halfway or invest emotionally in couples counseling, or dialog with you. You're miserable, and it's not going to change.
Apparently, she either changed tremendously since you had a thing for her in school, or you never really knew her in the first place. You made a poor choice, that's all. It doesn't mean that all women are fire-breathing dragons, and henceforward you should avoid them all for dear life.
Once you extricate yourself from this mess, please get counseling/therapy yourself, to get a perspective over it, and also to acquire whatever insights you need to be able to make better choices in the future.
Gosh where do I start without this being to long. I was starting a divorce after 20 years of a failed marriage. In that time I came across my high school crush, always been the girl of my dreams.
Long story short we began a relationship. She to had just started a divorce. Fast forward some time we eventually moved in together. We have been together for 5 years. This dream has been a nightmare for me.
I cook, clean the house, do the laundry, basically everything except the dishes. I work a full time job and lots of side jobs to make ends meet. My divorce was ugly, the put us through bankruptcy and cleans my wallet till my daughter graduates. It is what it is.
However I have given and given and do for my gf every day. She never comes home to a lazy fat drunk. A messy house or anything bad. She also works hard so I do what I do to help her relax. But nothing I do pleases her. She spends all her money on her kids and herself. I spend all my money on our bills and food. She complains everyday how her body cant keep up with work. But she works a 40 hr work week. I pull 60/70.
If I goto bed before her it pisses her off. Oh heck, I could give countless examples, you honestly heard them all before. But literally its as if she waits for me to do or say anything that she can twist as if I did her wrong. She also is extremely jealous, we cant go anywhere without her getting mad claiming Im checking out other women. She will flip on me in public. Weve gone to concerts and she has made scenes. Embarrassed me at restaurants claiming I was checking someone out when I wasnt. She complains all the way to the point of where I prk verse her if I get home first.
If I have a vacation day, I tend to clean the house real good, but she literally is pissed the whole day cause she doesnt get paid days off. But I worked hard and paid for my education and worked hard to get my career. She made bad choices, and I dont mean that rude.
Its almost a pattern that she doesnt want me happy and wants me just beaten down. Like she prefers me unhappy and hurting constantly.
She always says you this or you that. Saying I say or do things I honestly didnt. If I call her out on it she will say “in the past you did that too”. So I ask when, and she says she cant think of it at the moment. We argue every day. No matter what I do to try and help or please her or even avoid her it will be wrong. Then she will apologize saying something so unfelt but just to make it sound like she apologized. But if it isnt passive aggressive its just a sorry, but understand…….and she will go on for 20 mins how all these horroble things I do and how hard she works and then she will say I make her feel horrible. Please understand, I do not ever say anything bad to her. I feel she makes it ip or maybe even suffers from skme mental health issues but Im no doctor.
Im stuck in a lease till July. So I got us a couples counselor, actually a second one. Apparently in her mind the first lady was being all “womanly” with me. So now we have a new one. Im hoping it may help us or keep things at bay if I need to move out. I know Im probably one of many like this but be straight up, is there really no fixing this?
It's really very simple. Black and White... you are not happy in this marriage. Do what you need to do for yourself. There are people out there that would appreciate someone as yourself. Don't sell yourself short. Be happy even if it means being alone. She is miserable and wants you to be as well.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
And I don't know when you two moved in together, but that was a mistake too. I'm not one for a couple moving in fast...continue dating for 2 yrs first at the VERY least & really get to know the person before even thinking about moving in or geetting engaged. My Mom also told me to do something to get the person mad (nothing malicious or anything), but something that could make a person upset just to see how they handle the situation. (If they get in some uncessarily outrageous rage, that's a huge red flag.) 
