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I have and she seemed to not know how to respond and I could tell was uncomfortable with the topic. The following time we seen each other she blatantly forced it but I could tell she was uncomfortable, maybe a little nervous?
I certainly don’t want to put pressure on her or make her nervous.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I've seen this intimacy problem a fair amount. It's sad (to me). The vast majority of the time I've run into it there was either a religious upbringing where sex was shamed, or worse, a history of sexual abuse. Alcohol (self medication) got them out of their head and they let go. Not healthy. Not something you can fix.
I may be very wrong. I hope I am. But, that's been my experience. It's rather heartbreaking really.
I've seen this intimacy problem a fair amount. It's sad (to me). The vast majority of the time I've run into it there was either a religious upbringing where sex was shamed, or worse, a history of sexual abuse. Alcohol (self medication) got them out of their head and they let go. Not healthy. Not something you can fix.
I may be very wrong. I hope I am. But, that's been my experience. It's rather heartbreaking really.
I tend to agree with this. Something in her background may be causing this. Having said that, alcohol is generally truth serum so somewhere deep down inside of her, she IS that affectionate person, she just seems to have issues bringing it out.
Part of me thinks you should just let it go. That type of intimacy rarely lasts. You're still in the new/fun phase and enjoying it as much as you can but honestly......if you fast forwarded a few years this is where you're headed anyway.
I would maybe just try and talk to her by saying how much you love it when she's intimate with you when she's drinking and hope that she could do that more while sober. Hard to gauge here whether or not she has a problem (C-D posters are always quick to call someone an alcoholic) so I won't go there.
I've seen this intimacy problem a fair amount. It's sad (to me). The vast majority of the time I've run into it there was either a religious upbringing where sex was shamed, or worse, a history of sexual abuse. Alcohol (self medication) got them out of their head and they let go. Not healthy. Not something you can fix.
I may be very wrong. I hope I am. But, that's been my experience. It's rather heartbreaking really.
She was brought up in very religious home. Married her first BF out of college so not a lot of experiance in that area.
My thought is that she’s just nervous about opening up and being vulnerable but the thought also crossed my mind that maybe she’s just not doesn’t want to get close to me but thats likely my own fears bubbling up.
Age, kids, and owns a business - maybe she is just tired some time.
If this is a problem between you, talk to a professional before getting more involved just to be sure neither of you are dragging old stuff into a new relationship. You both seem to be worth the effort!
Well, a potential red flag is her ONLY getting handsy and wanting it when she's had alcohol in her system. Something tells me, too, that she's not over her ex-husband fully. That does happen with a lot people that are divorced. They had something they thought they were going to live with forever, then suddenly pulled away. My brother, after his divorce with his first wife, wasn't over his marriage. He thought he could repair it, but never happened. Thank goodness no kids were involved, other than his ex's kids (who she didn't have custody of), so that's good. Even then, it had a psychological on my brother, and I couldn't tell you how long he had went through that. Every now and then he would remember. How can you? But, I will say, I think, he is over her and since then got remarried and had a little girl. The first marriage was no fault of his own, either.
This woman you have described may not be over what she had, and isn't willing to open up as much unless she has a crutch. So if I were you, I would have an exit strategy ready to go. She needs to get that problem situated first before ANYTHING. If she doesn't, I'd get out of it. Don't be collateral damage for this woman. I know this isn't what you want to hear, and maybe she'll be more willing to do more things without the alcohol, but this was something you needed to hear.
Everyone is a little looser when drinking. Sounds like she likes you, alot.
I wouldn't make a deal about it or make her do something she's not comfortable with.
Just accept this is how she is. Nothing wrong with it.
And I would never want to do that. I love her for who she is and have no interest in changing her. Just want to make sure I am reading situation right and doing or not doing whatever I need to to make her feel as comfortable and happy as possible.
Well, a potential red flag is her ONLY getting handsy and wanting it when she's had alcohol in her system. Something tells me, too, that she's not over her ex-husband fully. That does happen with a lot people that are divorced. They had something they thought they were going to live with forever, then suddenly pulled away. My brother, after his divorce with his first wife, wasn't over his marriage. He thought he could repair it, but never happened. Thank goodness no kids were involved, other than his ex's kids (who she didn't have custody of), so that's good. Even then, it had a psychological on my brother, and I couldn't tell you how long he had went through that. Every now and then he would remember. How can you? But, I will say, I think, he is over her and since then got remarried and had a little girl. The first marriage was no fault of his own, either.
This woman you have described may not be over what she had, and isn't willing to open up as much unless she has a crutch. So if I were you, I would have an exit strategy ready to go. She needs to get that problem situated first before ANYTHING. If she doesn't, I'd get out of it. Don't be collateral damage for this woman. I know this isn't what you want to hear, and maybe she'll be more willing to do more things without the alcohol, but this was something you needed to hear.
She has actually been divorced for almost 10 years and left him due to addiction issues. I really don’t think that is the case in their particular situation. and it’s really not about sex but just about being close. It’s kind of like a first date nervousness if that makes sense?
Age, kids, and owns a business - maybe she is just tired some time.
If this is a problem between you, talk to a professional before getting more involved just to be sure neither of you are dragging old stuff into a new relationship. You both seem to be worth the effort!
As I reponded to another post, I love her for who she is and have no interest in changing her and certainly not a deal breaker. Just want to make sure I am reading situation right and doing or not doing whatever I need to to make her feel as comfortable and happy as possible.
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