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It all started 2 months ago. I met this girl (18), me (18), at my high school and we introduced ourselves. In that week, she made the first step by texting me on IG. From that day, we talked daily, for hours, about everything and all was perfect.
Before Christmas, after 3 weeks of speaking, she told me that it would be nice to have a meeting, so I asked her out and she accepted, but after Christmas, because she is not in town. After the New Year, she totally changed, I really don't know what happened, but she started to be distant, cold, send dry texts and she left me on delivery for hours. I was kinda ok with that, I thought that maybe she has a bad time, so I tried to be there, everytime, asking if anything happened, if she's ok. She said that she is ok and changed the subject, every single time. . The worst part wasn't that, the thing is that from the gn and gm texts, flirt to nothing, not even to: How are you, or how was your day too?
One time, she said, out of nowhere: I miss my ex. Was a common subject, it's ok, just to know about your past relationships. I was ok, the first time, but she said this about 3 times in 1 day and another thing that she said was: I can't wait to go outside to find a boyfriend. This thing kinda destroyed me.
Then, I decided to take the step, I asked her: Hey, how about that meeting we established before Christmas? She left me on seen. For 3 days. I was destroyed, like the person I really like to talk with, left me on seen for 3 days and came back after those with a meme and I started to be cold and she asked why am I mad. Really? Why? You treated me like nothing. She tried to blame me, she did that because she didn't know what to say, because in the last time I avoid her, that I am annoying and insistent. Insistent? We talked for 2 months and I just asked you what about the meeting we both decided to go, we even chose the location. How do I avoid you? If I ask you daily how you are, if you are fine, how was your day, did you eat, and you don't even text: How are you? If you don't want me in your life, why you are the one who textes me first, every day?
The thing that ended all for me, was her saying: I don't want to fight anymore, I want us to be friends. I asked: What were we? and she said partial friends. I don't even know what that means.
Last edited by PrimeFire72; 01-28-2022 at 05:44 AM..
You're 18. She is 18. I wouldn't call it leading you on. She was interested 2 months ago and now she's not. At 18, and beyond, people change their minds all the time.
In my mind to say someone lead you on indicates intentional manipulative actions. This wasn't that. It's being 18.
She wants to be friends; you want something romantic, and have convinced yourself that she did too, so when she explicitly says what she’s looking for (friendship) you feel “led on” because you’ve been imagining all this time that she was romantically interested.
I think 95% of the time “leading on” is really just wishful thinking on the guy’s part, and that 5% of the time when a woman is genuinely leading a guy on tends to be in online dating, where people put other people on their back burner and play their options so that they can get the best possible match. In a real-life setting, she was wanting friendship and you were wanting something different, so she is likely hurt and confused by how someone she thought was a friend is behaving so coldly now.
I tend to tell you that she is not hurted at all, she got back with her ex, even told me that I was never a friend for her, just some replacement.
Well, that’s how it goes sometimes.
Don’t let it bother you too long. You will have better luck with other women in the future. Hopefully you’ll live a long, long time and be sharing good advice when you’re older.
She didn't lead you on. If she spent all this time texting with you and you felt the connection was there, it's because for a time she was interested in you. However it was just fickle infatuation that could be blown away by a stiff breeze, and it was.
Maybe she started chatting with someone else, or maybe she received attention from her ex during the holidays and her attention quickly turned back to him.
Whatever the specifics of the case are, you had some kind of crush, it did not materialize, and now it's over.
Don’t let it bother you too long. You will have better luck with other women in the future. Hopefully you’ll live a long, long time and be sharing good advice when you’re older.
She didn't lead you on. If she spent all this time texting with you and you felt the connection was there, it's because for a time she was interested in you. However it was just fickle infatuation that could be blown away by a stiff breeze, and it was.
Maybe she started chatting with someone else, or maybe she received attention from her ex during the holidays and her attention quickly turned back to him.
Whatever the specifics of the case are, you had some kind of crush, it did not materialize, and now it's over.
You'll get over it, I assure you.
Thank you for you words man. Yhea, that's true, there were something and was not all in my head, but as you said, it blew off. Wish you the best.
You had your answer as soon as she started saying "I miss my ex." Even if she didn't say it as a deliberate message to you, you certainly should have taken the meaning, "I don't want to be with someone like this."
Besides, for all you know, something *did* happen. She kept changing the subject when you asked, which means there was something she didn't want to talk about.
The question is... how much did you press? How often did you contact her? Is it possible she just got fed up?
Or maybe she met someone else in that time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrimeFire72
I tend to tell you that she is not hurted at all, she got back with her ex, even told me that I was never a friend for her, just some replacement.
Okay, so, now you know.
In the meantime, you might want to think about what traits could clue you in to a person being like that, and how you might choose someone with different traits in future. I just feel like I've heard so much of this story, and often the woman involved is "hot" or "exciting" (which is sometimes synonymous with "unstable").
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length
She wants to be friends; you want something romantic, and have convinced yourself that she did too, so when she explicitly says what she’s looking for (friendship) you feel “led on” because you’ve been imagining all this time that she was romantically interested.
I think 95% of the time “leading on” is really just wishful thinking on the guy’s part, and that 5% of the time when a woman is genuinely leading a guy on tends to be in online dating, where people put other people on their back burner and play their options so that they can get the best possible match. In a real-life setting, she was wanting friendship and you were wanting something different, so she is likely hurt and confused by how someone she thought was a friend is behaving so coldly now.
This. And I think this is an important thing for men and women to understand. Many men will only befriend women they're interested in. Many women will befriend anyone, with completely-platonic feelings. It creates a big problem when each thinks the other has the same motives they do. This is how you get the men who complain abou the "friend zone" (as if having platonic feelings for someone is a deliberate slight) or "she led me on" because he thought she also acted friendly to him because she was interested; and women who complain about men with ulterior motives because she just thought she gained a nice platonic friend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by adamexe
Maybe she started chatting with someone else, or maybe she received attention from her ex during the holidays and her attention quickly turned back to him.
Or it's even possible she started looking to date other people hoping it would help her get over the ex, and that didn't work. Or she spent time with family who encouraged her to get back with the ex.
Let her go. Sorry that happened to you but I suspect she really does miss her ex. She isn't ready to actually date for real
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