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I'm in my late 50s new to midlife dating scene. Is it unusual after a fifth date for a woman not to appreciate some physical
contact? On a fifth date, after dinner we watched a film on my couch. She sat on the opposite side from me. When we parted and I gave her a hug I could sense she wasn't enjoying it (which was similar to the prior time). We had quite a bit in common, but I was so bothered I just let the relationship fade away. I asked her out one more time, but she couldn't go. We texted back and forth after that and then faded.
I keep wondering, am I unreasonable in thinking that something is wrong if we don't both enjoy some physical contact by this point in a relationship? I sort of feel guilty for letting it fade without a discussion; but at that point I was feeling I wanted her to be more proactive.
First post by OP make me suspicious that it is a troll post.
Having said that:
If the person you are 'dating' isn't receptive to a hug after 4 previous dates it isn't going to work out. Unless, of course, they are Vulcan.
It doesn't really matter what's "usual"-- no one follows a certain "script." Even if there was one... she doesn't fit it, so it really doesn't matter what everyone else does. If it bugs you, and you don't want to ask her about it, then I guess she's not for you. Meanwhile, there's no "formula" you can follow to ensure that anyone you get involved with will want physical affection within the time frame you want it.
I doubt it was Covid. We were both vaxxed and eating in restaurants and riding in my car together without masks. I never ghosted her; just after she said she had too much work for the next date we exchanged a few texts. After I initiated a brief text exchange, I just stopped initiating anything, and took the attitude that if she is really interested, she can reach out.
It sounds like she's just not that into you, but we're not getting a lot of info. What was her behavior like on your previous dates? Was she comfortable with dating in general?
I'm in my late 50s new to midlife dating scene. Is it unusual after a fifth date for a woman not to appreciate some physical
contact? On a fifth date, after dinner we watched a film on my couch. She sat on the opposite side from me. When we parted and I gave her a hug I could sense she wasn't enjoying it (which was similar to the prior time). We had quite a bit in common, but I was so bothered I just let the relationship fade away. I asked her out one more time, but she couldn't go. We texted back and forth after that and then faded.
I keep wondering, am I unreasonable in thinking that something is wrong if we don't both enjoy some physical contact by this point in a relationship? I sort of feel guilty for letting it fade without a discussion; but at that point I was feeling I wanted her to be more proactive.
It's not a question of what's "right" and/or "wrong". She's simply different.
Some people have no problem having sex with someone they met five minutes ago. Others wouldn't even dream about having sex for five months after they meet. It really depends on a person's comfort level, and there's nothing set in stone to say that "this" or "that" MUST happen by a certain time.
Some women feel the need to trust a man before getting physical with him. That is, she wants to trust him enough to know that he's not sleeping around with other women and/or, he doesn't ONLY or MAINLY want her for sex.
It may be the 5th date for you, but for HER, she may think that 5 dates simply isn't enough time for her to know you well enough.
If a relationship is baffling or confusing early on then it may be a sign that it's not a good one for you personally. Or it could be a sign that you're quite immature or naive as to your expectations. Since you're in your 50s I tend to think it's the former rather than the latter.
As others have pointed out, there's nothing inherently "wrong" with her having strong boundaries against physical intimacy this "early". There could be all sorts of good, bad, or indifferent reasons for her doing that. But if this is not organically working for you, and you only are a few weeks in, and clearly not "exclusive" or "steady" ... meh, move on and find someone who is more comfortable with you and vice versa. Or at least have a frank discussion about mutual expectations there before it becomes progressively more weird. Is she a "no sex before marriage" person? Is she uncomfortable with physical intimacy, or does she just feel that has to develop on a far more gradual timeline, on the order of months or even years? Is she self aware enough to have an adult conversation about this topic or is she evasive or deflecting? Does she seem capable of trust and vulnerability?
Communication always helps, and can tell you a lot.
Umm, if you don't get any reciprocal physical intimacy or contact by the 3rd date at the latest, it ain't gonna happen.
Waiting until the fifth date only means that your date was enjoying the free dinners, movies, drinks, and anything else the guy was freely buying her.
I know there will be some that will chime in that it took them over several years before they felt comfortable enough to be intimate. Well, good for them, that ain't the norm though.
Life is too short to be wasted on anything you don't want. This is not hard, guys (and girls). Figuring out if someone is genuinely attracted to you does not take years to decode or any specialized training.
With my current GF it was 5 or 6 dates before I got even a reciprocal kiss.
After I got that, things happened FAST.
The truth is that no shmo here knows what's going to happen if you ... ask that girl at work out, if you go on one more date, if you quit your job and sell all your belongings and move to Alaska...
But it's fun to say that you do know I suppose. That's why we're here...
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