What is considered verbal abuse.

[Bootsamillion]

Originally Posted by Confused76

I’ve just come out of a relationship recently and I felt I was constantly verbally abused. Examples are, being called a lier, a user, sometimes told to go **** myself. Sometimes it was via text and sometimes over the phone. Most of the times he was under the influence when this happened. No I’m not saying that makes it ok or is an excuse. Just thought sometimes maybe I was too sensitive at times when called these things. He would always say YOU KNOW I DIDNT MEAN IT. The thing is I spoke my piece about how it made me feel and his response was he would think before speaking in anger or when
Upset next time. Promises promises. Always ended up same way. There were times I was called selfish, although aren’t we all at times? I know I could have been called a lot worse but isn’t this still considered verbal abuse. Just wanted some other peoples opinions and stories. I should mention he had quite the temper, never hit, only once grabbed a drink out of my hands and threw it across his kitchen. I left immediately. To say the least I’m no longer in the relationship and am very much working on me. I made mistakes in the relationship to.

Anytime a person says things to you that are mean, cutting, insulting, and makes you feel bad and hurt that they would say such things is abuse.

Some people say they don't allow it because they "rebel" and get up in their face and say they will leave and all these threats but they never do. Rebelling only sends a message to their brain that tells them that it's OK to continue the abuse, nothing is going to happen.

Not tolerating by actually leaving is sending a profound message that tells them "I will not tolerate this behavior, have a nice life."

You would be surprised what a little consequence will do.

[CCS414]

Well, are you a liar? Do you use people? There's a difference between verbal abuse and getting angry about your spouses/SO's behaviour.

Verbal Abuse: "You're a stupid rewho!"
Angrily calling you out on your behavior: "You didt think that through now the car is totaled. Fix it!!!!!!!" or "I saw your text to that guy. WTF?? Are you cheating on me?

People say mean, nasty things sometimes when emotion are high. Even the happiest of married couples still argue. It's normal. If he's constantly (couple of times a week) calling you names, tearing you down and generally trying to make you feel bad about yourself then that's verbal abuse. If he gets angry and questions you on items that you purchased that were not in budget (if you are sharing bills), you were an hour late to his brothers wedding etc....then that's not verbal abuse.

I remember my first wife tried to tell me that I was abusing her because I was neglecting her. "Neglect is a form of abuse" she said I responded with something along the lines of "No it isnt. I just dont want to be around you, have sex with you, talk to you or be married to you anymore. That's why I distance myself both emotionally and physically." She even threatened to call the police and purposely lie to them telling them that I physically abused her. In my head I'm thinking "They're cops. They'll know you're lying. It's their job to observe your body language and facial expressions. It's their job to know such things." 3 mos after that conversation I moved and mailed the divorce papers to her.

[CCS414]

Also, there's difference between saying "That was a stupid thing to do" and "You're stupid".

[Seija]

Originally Posted by Confused76

I’ve just come out of a relationship recently and I felt I was constantly verbally abused. Examples are, being called a lier, a user, sometimes told to go **** myself. Sometimes it was via text and sometimes over the phone. Most of the times he was under the influence when this happened. No I’m not saying that makes it ok or is an excuse. Just thought sometimes maybe I was too sensitive at times when called these things. He would always say YOU KNOW I DIDNT MEAN IT. The thing is I spoke my piece about how it made me feel and his response was he would think before speaking in anger or when
Upset next time. Promises promises. Always ended up same way. There were times I was called selfish, although aren’t we all at times? I know I could have been called a lot worse but isn’t this still considered verbal abuse. Just wanted some other peoples opinions and stories. I should mention he had quite the temper, never hit, only once grabbed a drink out of my hands and threw it across his kitchen. I left immediately. To say the least I’m no longer in the relationship and am very much working on me. I made mistakes in the relationship to.

Good summary here: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-...llying-4154087

[moonsavvy]

There's verbal abuse and emotional abuse. Both are very damaging and I'm sorry you had to experience any of it. Verbal abuse could be a critical put down like referring to your appearance in a negative way or name calling. Emotional abuse can be much more cunning similar to death of a thousand cuts. Someone could jokingly remark about you by using a put down but justifying that they are just kidding or calling you too sensitive. They could also use the silent treatment or withhold affection as a form to punish you. There's quite a bit of info on this online. I would suggest you start informing yourself so that you can identify in others for what it is and avoid these kinds of people. Good luck!