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Eventually he asked how we would be getting me home and that was the end of the date. Goodbye was the same as the last time, long hug and some kisses. He also makes some odd little noise when hugging me - happiness sound, i dunno. Some random comment about how we should/could do this regularly, followed by a comment about getting the neighbors' talking, seeing him kissing a blonde girl (me) on his doorstep. Odd but people say weird ****, i know i did - "see you on the dance floor or sooner" was my awesome parting line. DOH!
There was a break of 4 days and i hadn't heard from him, am i obsessing over nothing?
Yes I think you are. He's treated you very well but you seem to want to pick apart his comments as if they are nefarious or something. Yet you could be right, sometimes instinct can kick in. Or it's insecurity.
Should i be concerned? It's not entirely unusual that 2-3 days go by without us texting each other and to be fair, i haven't contacted him either. It didn't really concern me before but now it does because i actually like him, and i'm getting in my head over things. The rhythm of our text/online communication for the most part is the same, it may have slowed a little and become slightly less flirtatious since meeting IRL but i put that down to no longer just having to rely on online/text comms.
You are obsessing over timeframes which will never suffice you. I'd let it go. He texts when he has time or feels like it. A required pattern is not logical.
I'm also wondering why he's not "tried it on" yet beyond the kisses/hugs, not that i necessarily want it to be a one and done thing. Is it possible that it could be because he actually likes me? Or should i take how it's playing out another way. I also wonder if my weird ass farewell comment and my not contacting him could lead him to believe i'm not that interested.
You guys barely know each other? Yes your comment was rude so certainly, any logical minded person would find it a rude strange comment. None of us are perfect and we all say rude things sometimes. Just be nice from here on out to show this is not your pattern.
He has a LOT going on, mentioned feeling overwhelmed, and also has his young son F - Sun, i tend to not contact him then as i don't want to intrude on that but we have communicated on those days as well.
I guess i don't know what to do next because we already know each other and all the advice from online seems to be geared towards someone you don't know that well - and it all suggest that you must play hard to get, the guy must chase, the woman should not, don't text too soon and if they're not contacting your it's because they're not interested etc and so forth, so i'm wondering what to believe/what to do.
Ignore these games others play, they have nothing to do with you and your prospective boyfriends relationship. Just be yourself. Let him lead if he wants to go romantically further but this is a sign of respect. He may not be ready. He clearly likes you but you've been giving him mixed signals not seeming to show it back as much, from what I've read. I could be wrong. give time to get to know one another, let these guidelines and requirements of yours go. Let all of this go and just go have fun.
This person always replies to me when i text, but sometimes there is a couple of days that pass with no contact, this has been the norm for the majority of the time. A lot of flirting when we were only texting, it's toned down a little but i also put this down to the fact it's not just online now and people behave differently somewhat, depending on the medium. I know i'm a bit different in Real Life because there's more of a vulnerability, and more at stake than if it's just contained to online/texting.
As it turns out he has Covid and it's not a walk in the park and i'm guessing why he's not communicating much. Obviously i don't want to harrass him but i also want to make sure he's ok/contact him.
I just got over COVID and it took 2 weeks. Just have fun with him, don't put every move under a microscope or keep track of the timing of the texts. Just be yourself. You seem likable, good luck!
Last edited by PoorYetRich; 04-22-2022 at 11:01 AM..
I've seen him again. Dinner at his place (my preference), it seems each time the hello and goodbye gets a little more "physical", not into the realm of get ya gear off or non-respectful, but just a litttttttle bit more intense each time. It's driving me mad! Having said that, i did tell myself that i didn't just want to jump into bed with him, and instead see if this could become a thing. So last time was last week, and seeing him again this week. He seems keen enough to see me. Shame he lives so far away though as i only get to see him once a week for a few hours, or once a fortnight depending.
Anyway's i guess i'll see how this weeks get together goes.
Eventually he asked how we would be getting me home and that was the end of the date. Goodbye was the same as the last time, long hug and some kisses. He also makes some odd little noise when hugging me - happiness sound, i dunno. Some random comment about how we should/could do this regularly, followed by a comment about getting the neighbors' talking, seeing him kissing a blonde girl (me) on his doorstep. Odd but people say weird ****, i know i did - "see you on the dance floor or sooner" was my awesome parting line. DOH!
There was a break of 4 days and i hadn't heard from him, am i obsessing over nothing?
Yes I think you are. He's treated you very well but you seem to want to pick apart his comments as if they are nefarious or something. Yet you could be right, sometimes instinct can kick in. Or it's insecurity.
Should i be concerned? It's not entirely unusual that 2-3 days go by without us texting each other and to be fair, i haven't contacted him either. It didn't really concern me before but now it does because i actually like him, and i'm getting in my head over things. The rhythm of our text/online communication for the most part is the same, it may have slowed a little and become slightly less flirtatious since meeting IRL but i put that down to no longer just having to rely on online/text comms.
You are obsessing over timeframes which will never suffice you. I'd let it go. He texts when he has time or feels like it. A required pattern is not logical.
I'm also wondering why he's not "tried it on" yet beyond the kisses/hugs, not that i necessarily want it to be a one and done thing. Is it possible that it could be because he actually likes me? Or should i take how it's playing out another way. I also wonder if my weird ass farewell comment and my not contacting him could lead him to believe i'm not that interested.
You guys barely know each other? Yes your comment was rude so certainly, any logical minded person would find it a rude strange comment. None of us are perfect and we all say rude things sometimes. Just be nice from here on out to show this is not your pattern.
He has a LOT going on, mentioned feeling overwhelmed, and also has his young son F - Sun, i tend to not contact him then as i don't want to intrude on that but we have communicated on those days as well.
I guess i don't know what to do next because we already know each other and all the advice from online seems to be geared towards someone you don't know that well - and it all suggest that you must play hard to get, the guy must chase, the woman should not, don't text too soon and if they're not contacting your it's because they're not interested etc and so forth, so i'm wondering what to believe/what to do.
Ignore these games others play, they have nothing to do with you and your prospective boyfriends relationship. Just be yourself. Let him lead if he wants to go romantically further but this is a sign of respect. He may not be ready. He clearly likes you but you've been giving him mixed signals not seeming to show it back as much, from what I've read. I could be wrong. give time to get to know one another, let these guidelines and requirements of yours go. Let all of this go and just go have fun.
This person always replies to me when i text, but sometimes there is a couple of days that pass with no contact, this has been the norm for the majority of the time. A lot of flirting when we were only texting, it's toned down a little but i also put this down to the fact it's not just online now and people behave differently somewhat, depending on the medium. I know i'm a bit different in Real Life because there's more of a vulnerability, and more at stake than if it's just contained to online/texting.
As it turns out he has Covid and it's not a walk in the park and i'm guessing why he's not communicating much. Obviously i don't want to harrass him but i also want to make sure he's ok/contact him.
I just got over COVID and it took 2 weeks. Just have fun with him, don't put every move under a microscope or keep track of the timing of the texts. Just be yourself. You seem likable, good luck!
Hi!,
Thanks for your replies.
We've known each other since we were 15 but i guess don't really know each other all that well since we lost contact when we were young.
Current update (it's a copy and paste from a reply to someone else on this thread) -
I've seen him again. Dinner at his place (my preference), it seems each time the hello and goodbye gets a little more "physical", not into the realm of get ya gear off or non-respectful, but just a litttttttle bit more intense each time. It's driving me mad! Having said that, i did tell myself that i didn't just want to jump into bed with him, and instead see if this could become a thing. So last time was last week, and seeing him again this week. He seems keen enough to see me. Shame he lives so far away though as i only get to see him once a week for a few hours, or once a fortnight depending.
Anyway's i guess i'll see how this weeks get together goes.
Awesome! Thanks for the update. This all sounds very good.
That's understandable, not many people could do it and not have it be like off-putting or unnatural. It's like you are or you aren't and a lot of people aren't. But all the signs are there that you guys are at the start of a great relationship. Just hold him to it OP--no sleeping together for at least a good six months (or even a year). Seriously, if that's all a guy wants he will leave before that, and if that is all he wants then you know it's not the real thing. I really don't see him as being that way, not from what you describe. I mean, things can always not work out as you're well aware. But then a lot of times things do work out.
Like I said, this sounds just really exciting and I'm so happy for you. I'm hoping you'll keep us posted (I mean, especially if things are going well. Like when I met my husband online and it turned into a fairytale romance--I wanted to tell everyone! But I don't think I would have been up to saying like, "yeah, things went south and we ended it." Would have been too depressed). But I could totally see like sometime down the road wedding plans and things like that with you guys. That's what it sounds like to me--you guys seem like you're both smitten with each other.
Hi!
Back to update! (some of this is copy and paste from replying to someone else on this thread)
I've seen him again. Dinner at his place - my preference as i'm not really the going out type when first dating, it seems too much like an interview, too awkward for me. I don't mind doing it once in an established relationship though.)
It seems each time the hello and goodbye gets a little more "physical", not into the realm of get ya gear off, hands going where they shouldn't or non-respectful, but just a litttttttle bit more intense each time. Still no french kissing either! It's driving me mad! Having said that, i did tell myself that i didn't just want to go full steam ahead and jump into bed with him, and instead see if this could become a thing. He makes comments about when i'm over for dinner next time, and when i meet his son etc so i guess that's good.
So last get together was last week, and seeing him again this week (tomorrow as at time of posting this actually). When i left last week i asked when i might see him again and he told me he was down this week so i guess he seems keen enough to see me, otherwise he could just say he didn't know when he was down next...
Shame he lives so far away though as i only get to see him once a week for a few hours, or once a fortnight depending.
Anyway's i guess i'll see how this weeks get together goes. It'll be a shorter one as he want to be in bed early to get up early for the gym (who the hell goes to the gym at 05:30 am! lol), so only 4.5 hours together this time instead of the usual 5 - 6.
Ok, you think he has potential as relationship material. Now decide if you want to pursue the relationship. Then decide if it's a problem for you to have sex with him without having declared a relationship first. Will it be a big blow to your ego or make you into a quivering mess if it doesn't go anywhere? You are both in your 40s. Lose the angst. Decide what you want and let it be known.
Text him, call him, whatever you prefer, and tell him that you would like to see him again when he's feeling better. Maybe suggest something. A game of darts, an art gallery, whatever is available in your area. ( Personally I would just ask if he wanted to date me, instead of playing games.) Covid varies so much that it could be a short time from now or weeks before he is frisky again.
If you are uncomfortable at letting him know you are interested look at it this way - nothing ventured, nothing gained. The worse that can happen is you may feel embarrassed if he says he likes you as a friend but isn't looking to date or have a relationship. We get over being embarrassed. He'd still be flattered. And it's not like HS where we rush out and tell our friends everything. And from what you said - he sounds interested and he's not pushing things too quickly.
Quick update!
I've seen him again. Dinner at his place (my preference), it seems each time the hello and goodbye gets a little more "physical", not into the realm of get ya gear off or non-respectful, but just a litttttttle bit more intense each time. It's driving me mad! Having said that, i did tell myself that i didn't just want to jump into bed with him, and instead see if this could become a thing. So last time was last week, and seeing him again this week (date #5). He seems keen enough to see me. Shame he lives so far away though as i only get to see him once a week for a few hours, or once a fortnight depending.
Anyway's i guess i'll see how this weeks get together goes.
His illness might be an opportunity to fuss and cluck over him a little bit, even though long-distance.
Cards are nice (more than one maybe a few days apart), sweet easy-to-read texts with positive emojis: flowers, hearts, smiles, etc. You've known each other a long time so showing your care and concern should be a natural extension of that.
If he lives alone he's probably hoping you'll reach out to him. At 40+ no need to be shy. If I knew a longtime friend was ill I'd reach out no matter if there was romance in the air or not.
If there's a loss of taste and smell there probably isn't much of an appetite either so idk about sending food. Also not sure of protocol of sending delivery to a Covid household.
But this too shall pass and soon you'll be back on track again.
His not trying to "get it on" is a positive sign I think and speaks well of him.
Cheers
Soooo... just back to update.
I've seen him again. Dinner at his place (my preference), it seems each time the hello and goodbye gets a little more "physical", not into the realm of get ya gear off or non-respectful, but just a litttttttle bit more intense each time. It's driving me mad! Having said that, i did tell myself that i didn't just want to jump into bed with him, and instead see if this could become a thing. So last time was last week, and seeing him again this week. He seems keen enough to see me. Shame he lives so far away though as i only get to see him once a week for a few hours, or once a fortnight depending.
Anyway's i guess i'll see how this weeks get together goes. This'll be date #5. Sadly it won't be as long as the other ones (5-6 hours), as he's getting up early to go to the gym for 05:30am (who DOES that! lol) so it'll only be 4.5 hours.
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