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Is it possible to get as excited about a new relationship once one enters middle age as one did in their young adulthood?
I think the answer might be "No," at least in my own experience. When I was younger it was all new and exciting and I had endless energy and optimism. Finding a sexy new partner and spending time with him as much as possible was pretty much my #1 priority.
Though I also made time to do things like study and work, believe me I was always counting the seconds until I could be with my honey.
I just don't feel that way anymore. Can't work up the excitement to the same degree. (Kind of miss that passion.) I am in my mid 40s.
Is this normal with middle age? Have I lost my mojo? Am I in a mild depression?
I am just hoping to compare notes with other people to find out if this experience is normal.
Maybe you’re unsatisfied because the end goal of a relationship is typically kids… and you don’t mention having any… so you might now see how pointless they were, and will be…
This is a good topic of discussion. I have wondered the same thing. But given that I dated mostly toxic men, so much of the “excitement” I felt back then was based on such flimsy, or even nonexistent things. I was so excited, but the men didn’t even love me.
Life changes your priorities some and it’s often easier to be patient if you’re between relationships. However, I met my husband when I was in my mid 40’s and it was HOT.
You might be in a low spot for whatever reason. If you’re concerned, talk to your doctor next time you go. We enter perimenopause long before anything substantial changes. Your hormones affect your libido which affects your mood, etc.
If you meet someone else interesting, you’ll probably still feel butterflies. Nothing really changes there.
Maybe you’re unsatisfied because the end goal of a relationship is typically kids… and you don’t mention having any… so you might now see how pointless they were, and will be…
If you have kids… maybe your priorities shifted…
Or maybe its just a phase you’re going through…
I don't have kids. This is indeed an interesting perspective. Perhaps subconsciously my excitement in the past was about the possibility of having children? And now that I most likely can't...I am dealing with a shift in priorities.
This is definitely food for thought.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Special_Guest
This is a good topic of discussion. I have wondered the same thing. But given that I dated mostly toxic men, so much of the “excitement” I felt back then was based on such flimsy, or even nonexistent things. I was so excited, but the men didn’t even love me.
I think whenever relationships fall short of our expectations, its natural to be deeply disappointed. Especially if we had very high hopes to start out. For some people, more sensitively wired (I know I am and perhaps you as well) ... disappointment hits hard and bouncing back can take awhile.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie
Life changes your priorities some and it’s often easier to be patient if you’re between relationships. However, I met my husband when I was in my mid 40’s and it was HOT.
You might be in a low spot for whatever reason. If you’re concerned, talk to your doctor next time you go. We enter perimenopause long before anything substantial changes. Your hormones affect your libido which affects your mood, etc.
If you meet someone else interesting, you’ll probably still feel butterflies. Nothing really changes there.
Its possible its hormonal. It seems early for perimenopause but not unheard of. My mom said she entered menopause early. I will look into that possibility.
But its nice to hear the butterflies don't go away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EP45
I think it’s the exact opposite. Finding someone in your 40’s isn’t easy, but you also know yourself a lot better. When you do find that one you click with its far more exciting than it was at 24 when I could just hit the bars and find another.
You’re going to have to look at this as a glass half full thing. While the hunt may take A LOT longer, the results are likely much better.
This is good news.
Its nice to have something to look forward to.
So life doesn't end at 40.
We can still fall in love and have that rush of emotion and everything. That is very good news.
Is it possible to get as excited about a new relationship once one enters middle age as one did in their young adulthood?
I think the answer might be "No," at least in my own experience. When I was younger it was all new and exciting and I had endless energy and optimism. Finding a sexy new partner and spending time with him as much as possible was pretty much my #1 priority.
Though I also made time to do things like study and work, believe me I was always counting the seconds until I could be with my honey.
I just don't feel that way anymore. Can't work up the excitement to the same degree. (Kind of miss that passion.) I am in my mid 40s.
Is this normal with middle age? Have I lost my mojo? Am I in a mild depression?
I am just hoping to compare notes with other people to find out if this experience is normal.
The only real difference here for me, is it's kinda sad that now I actually know for sure that I won't be having any children in this lifetime. Not that I was certain to have any in the first place, but...
For me, when I was younger, hell even just a couple years ago... that part was still exciting, a fantasy, thinking this person might become the father of my child or what our children would look/be like...etc. etc... But now I know it won't happen, so I'm kind of dealing with that reality. I can still get pregnant, it's just the reality of my age and the passing of time really hit me. (I'm 42) It does change things.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still having fun... There are many upsides to having no kids in the house, lol
That's the positive when it comes to getting older. The kids are grown/gone, and you get time with your partner to focus on just yourselves. It becomes like a second childhood. Butterflies, and all.
That's possible. I am content with my life but the right relationship would be just the gravy on top. So there's no rush to try to find someone just to have someone. So that's good. Maybe with the right guy things will just click.
Quote:
Originally Posted by D217
The only real difference here for me, is it's kinda sad that now I actually know for sure that I won't be having any children in this lifetime. Not that I was certain to have any in the first place, but...
For me, when I was younger, hell even just a couple years ago... that part was still exciting, a fantasy, thinking this person might become the father of my child or what our children would look/be like...etc. etc... But now I know it won't happen, so I'm kind of dealing with that reality. I can still get pregnant, it's just the reality of my age and the passing of time really hit me. (I'm 42) It does change things.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still having fun... There are many upsides to having no kids in the house, lol
That's the positive when it comes to getting older. The kids are grown/gone, and you get time with your partner to focus on just yourselves. It becomes like a second childhood. Butterflies, and all.
I don't have kids either but was always kinda ambivalent about the idea.
Its such a commitment that its probably not a good idea to do it unless one knows 100% its what they want in life, and have a stable relationship for it. Though that's not always the case, that's the ideal of course.
Parenting is very hard, I gather, and time consuming, and expensive. Though for people who are parents I am sure the rewards of it are worth it.
I will add for the sake of the discussion: I think in my mind, I have always felt that there is indeed something a little less special with a love found after say 35 or so than one found ages 20-30. And I always looked askance at romances that formed much older (50+, and even moreso at romances after 60) which is part of my fervor to find one before age 50. I can’t quite explain why I feel this way, but I always have.
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There are many upsides to having no kids in the house, lol
