Dating a woman who uses me for money?? (single, husband, young)
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Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Well...some spouses have been milking the "you pay for me" for many decades.
As evidenced in many relationships.
My 97 yo FIL remarried after MIL died (30 yrs ago)
Neither wife worked outside the home. #2 makes it a point to daily declare, "you married me, you pay (dearly) for everything!" (Even though she has plenty of dough).
Traditionally the male pays 100%.
Get used to it.
Get over it.
Have you told her how you feel? If you have, and she hasn't made be any attempt to pay more of the dating expenses, then you should consider breaking up with her.
You said she lives with her parents. SSI isn't going to be a lot of money. Do they charge her to live with them? Do they control her finances? Is she unable to use public transportation? How does having Aspergers affect her ability to change?
These are all things to consider. There are worse things than being alone. If you are not happy, don't be afraid of calling it quits.
So...are you just with her because you don't want to be alone?
I think that’s a conundrum for many men. I think women can be more carefree in saying “I’ll just be single” because most know they never really have to be alone. They can change their mind at any moment and with a few clicks not be alone for as long as they don’t want to be alone. Another LTR might not be super easy but conversation, dinner and/or sex is easy to come by. Many men however know that “I’ll just be single” could turn into years of being ALONE (no hugs, no texts, no dinner date, no sex, no nothing) with nothing they can do to change it seemingly no matter how hard they try. That fear could keep a lot of guys in situations like this.
Im a 41 year old straight white male who has dated this woman who I feel is using me for money. We have been dating for over 3.5 years.
This woman is 37 years old.
About me. I have aspergers and struggle meeting woman. I'm college educated live alone in a 1 bedroom apartment and drive a car.
About this woman. She has lupus and aspergers. She didn't go to college. She is on ssi and lives with her parents in magnolia seattle. She doesn't have a drivers license.
I feel that this woman doesn't love me but is only with me to use me for free car rides and free movies and free restaurant meals.
This woman always lies to me that she has no money.
My feelings are hurt!!!
What should I do??
If you stick with her, you'll never be free to find the one who is made for you. It's just going to continue be a big hurt, getting worse.
Don't sell your self short and don't let this gal hang you up to dry.
Well...some spouses have been milking the "you pay for me" for many decades.
As evidenced in many relationships.
My 97 yo FIL remarried after MIL died (30 yrs ago)
Neither wife worked outside the home. #2 makes it a point to daily declare, "you married me, you pay (dearly) for everything!" (Even though she has plenty of dough).
Traditionally the male pays 100%.
Get used to it.
Get over it.
Don't like it? Remain solo. Forever.
Well I do know that’s a little bit of an extreme declaration. My parents and 2 of my aunts have all been married 35+ years and everything financial done together. One of the aunts and her husband are worth nearly $10M…she was a teacher for 30 years and her husband controls ALL the major financial decisions done with their money…she still buys a lot (especially expensive furniture and vacations) but he’s a major tightwad that everyone in the family talks about. I will say though that all 3 couples come from very traditional southern baptist backgrounds where it’s sorta expected that the man leads the household. People like that might be far less common nowadays.
Well then you have an “arrangement”. You’re paying for her company. You’re both getting something out of the deal. Same with anyone who thinks they’re being used.
Well then you have an “arrangement”. You’re paying for her company. You’re both getting something out of the deal. Same with anyone who thinks they’re being used.
No one’s forcing you to continue.
Yeah no one here can really definitely say what to do. OP is either happy with the arrangement or not. In my case I was sorta happy with it for a few years but I then realized it was holding me back financially in a major way and I just couldn’t get truly happy with the arrangement anymore….especially after putting it all out on the table several times but nothing changing. Maybe try that OP…tell her everything you would tell us. If she changes great. If she get incredibly angry and doesn’t want to change maybe you can walk away knowing you tried.
I think that’s a conundrum for many men. I think women can be more carefree in saying “I’ll just be single” because most know they never really have to be alone. They can change their mind at any moment and with a few clicks not be alone for as long as they don’t want to be alone.
Are you serious? Have you actually read these forums, that have WOMEN pouring out their hearts because they've been alone for 'X' months, years or DECADES?
And even if they HAVE that ability, who says that the available men would meet their expectations?
Sorry, but there are plenty of men out there who wallow in their own self pity, because they believe a woman should "want" them, simply because they--that is, the MAN-- exists.
Quote:
Another LTR might not be super easy but conversation, dinner and/or sex is easy to come by.
Maybe for SOME...but not ALL.
Quote:
Many men however know that “I’ll just be single” could turn into years of being ALONE (no hugs, no texts, no dinner date, no sex, no nothing) with nothing they can do to change it seemingly no matter how hard they try. That fear could keep a lot of guys in situations like this.
Maybe THOSE men need to change their priorities....
Hugs are fine.
Texts are fine.
Dinner dates are fine.
Even sex, is fine.
But is THAT IT?
What about love? Empathy? Compassion? Mercy? Acceptance? Intellect? Self-less-ness?
Sorry, but if ALL 'he' wants is hugs, texts, dinner and sex, I'm OUT.
Well then you have an “arrangement”. You’re paying for her company. You’re both getting something out of the deal. Same with anyone who thinks they’re being used.
No one’s forcing you to continue.
And REALLY, that's it.
What I've discovered is that the person who often (not ALWAYS) believes that they're being used, are the one's who love the least.
I noticed that the OP never said that he loves his g/f.
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