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Old 08-15-2022, 10:06 AM
 
Location: South of Heaven
7,911 posts, read 3,456,890 times
Reputation: 11563

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
I have great friends. In fact we went out Friday and Saturday. Your assumption of me tossing them because thru are single are your words. Not mine. Sometimes in relationships of any kind can have ups and downs. I’m single so why would it matter if my friends are single? Your answer has been put on ignore. Thanks for taking the time to insult me.

If you are spending a couple of nights a week with your friends and they are still complaining that he's keeping you from them then I'd think they are the ones out of line, not you or him. If you were going for weeks at a time not seeing them and he was always involved in your reason I could see their complaints as having possible merit, but that doesn't seem to be happening.


As long as you are making time for both friends and partners none of them should have any issues over it.


Have they met him yet?
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Old 08-15-2022, 10:11 AM
 
716 posts, read 557,215 times
Reputation: 1869
Quote:
Originally Posted by smt1111 View Post

Do you two have anything in common besides plopping on your sofa and eating together?

On the other hand, men sometimes take advantage of a woman who's willing to cook at home and they get lazy and cheap and don't want to go out.
This is so true. Years ago, I dated a guy when we were 40-ish. He worked second shift so it was hard to see him anyway so we only hung out on Saturday evening for a few hours. Once I began cooking dinner for him, we'd only go to a restaurant every couple months. I made him homemade bakery and sometimes gave him the leftover dinner for another meal. He had it good...but I got tired of it.
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Old 08-15-2022, 10:13 AM
 
221 posts, read 133,771 times
Reputation: 302
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winter Sucks View Post
This is so true. Years ago, I dated a guy when we were 40-ish. He worked second shift so it was hard to see him anyway so we only hung out on Saturday evening for a few hours. Once I began cooking dinner for him, we'd only go to a restaurant every couple months. I made him homemade bakery and sometimes gave him the leftover dinner for another meal. He had it good...but I got tired of it.
did you mention to him you would like to eat out more?
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Old 08-15-2022, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
17,214 posts, read 57,058,915 times
Reputation: 18579
Well in fairness to your friends some older guys, particularly ones who were married for most of their lives, do tend to want a gal to cook for them and take care of them.

I don't really see that here, the OP is just cooking dinner when her guy comes over. I assume he reciprocates the favor somehow, and I don't think we need to go into the details of that here.

Certainly if you want to go out to dinner, you could ask.

Older people are usually more independent. They have paid for houses, good jobs or at least a pension or money in the bank, so they are not like typical 20-somethings that "need" each other. That and the thought of raising a family is off the table (well it was always off the table for me, but now at 64 it's at least highly impractical if not outright impossible...)
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Old 08-15-2022, 02:38 PM
 
Location: California
2,211 posts, read 2,615,129 times
Reputation: 2136
Next time your friends ask what you did on your date. Just say we had fun spending quality time together.
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Old 08-15-2022, 03:58 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,758 posts, read 19,961,186 times
Reputation: 43158
I think your friends are living through you and want more action . They have some fairytale idea built up in their minds for you and your dating life.

You do you - if you are happy, who cares what others think. It seems like a healthy relationship between two compatible adults.

I would grow some backbone and let your friends know to find their own hobbies and stuff to talk about. I would not start lying. But maybe tell them less.
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Old 08-15-2022, 05:21 PM
 
716 posts, read 557,215 times
Reputation: 1869
Quote:
Originally Posted by RVerJenny View Post
did you mention to him you would like to eat out more?
He always talked about money being so tight.
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Old 08-15-2022, 08:32 PM
 
221 posts, read 133,771 times
Reputation: 302
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winter Sucks View Post
He always talked about money being so tight.
Oh okay
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Old 08-19-2022, 11:21 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,559 posts, read 84,738,350 times
Reputation: 115048
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
I’m sure some will find my question quite amusing because I’m 68 years old. I’m a widow and I was married for a very long time. But now I starting dating again, yes at my age. Lol. I do desire to have a companion and to love and be loved.

Here’s my question. How do seniors date? I remember way back when I was dating my husband. We went out constantly and had fun. Probably multiple times a week. Then we got married and so our lives began.

Here is what I’ve experienced now. I’ve been on numerous dates. Nothing unusual there. But I found I couldn’t tell my friends as they would make a big deal over it. So I never told them anymore.

Now I met this wonderful gentleman. I no longer date others and neither does he. In the beginning he took me out to dinner a few times. We both still work and both of us will stop in June. So he just comes over a couple of times a week. I fix a quick dinner. We chat and enjoy eachothers company, and so on.

Now my friends are saying why doesn’t he take you out? Don’t cook for him. Don’t get him used to that.

If they ask me to do something, and I say I can’t because I’m seeing Joe, they think I shouldn’t let him stop me from seeing my friends. And then they ask me afterwards where did you go. If I tell them we just hung out at home, they have a fit. Am I doing something wrong? How does it work when you are older and “dating”? Seems like I’m not doing anything correct in their eyes.

Im trying to build a relationship with a man I really like a lot. He checks all the boxes of what I was looking for in a man.

I really enjoy our times together. We are only going out about 2 months. We are getting serious about eachother. I would love to remarry, and I think he would too, but honestly we don’t talk about that. I feel we are just going nice and slow. He does say when we retire we will have time to do this and that, visit here and visit there. But now we just focus on enjoying eachothers company by talking, watching a movie, etc.

They say go out. Go to the movies. Go dancing. Well ok. Maybe we will. That certainly will be nice and fun. But he’s quiet and so am I. And plus working doesn’t afford me the energy to go out during the week like I used to when I was a teen dating. Tomorrow is Saturday. We’ll go out to eat then.

To be honest my friends are starting to annoy me so I started to say we went here and we went there just not to hear them. Yes I lie. Sorry. But are they putting on me what they think dating should be like. Or am I doing it wrong? Is dating different with seniors?

I might add all my friends are single women.

Any opinions?
The answer is...You make up your mind that you are not going to allow the opinions of other people to overrule your own feeling and opinions of how the relationship "should" be.

I got into a late-life relationship, and I made up my mind that I was not going to overshare details about it with others because I knew certain aspects of our relationship would not be acceptable to others. For example. It was a long-distance relationship at first, and he had made it clear that he was parked at his retirement happy place and would not be traveling to where I lived. That would not be acceptable to some people, and I knew that. I decided it was OK with ME.

There is more, but that's the gist of it. If it was OK with ME, it didn't matter what other people thought. I decided to stick to my guns on that, and I am glad I did. What we had (he is ill now) was sacred and private and had nothing to do with anyone else.
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Old 08-20-2022, 05:47 AM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,069,999 times
Reputation: 8032
OP, I wasn't insulting you. I was responding to what some other posters said, that you should ditch your friends, that they aren't real friends, etc. Note what "elnina" said--that you should ditch them. That's who I was responding to, not you. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

If you are happy with this man then why the "lies" to your friends?

You say you have great friends but you made it a point to point out that they are all "single" like that is some kind of red flag here.
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