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So I noticed this new guy I'm seeing is still friends with his ex wife on facebook. They were only married for 6 years, have no kids together and have been divorced almost 3 years, so I don't see why they would still be friends on there. I will admit I don't know how active either one of them is on there, but I would think in the course of 3 years one of them would have thought to unfriend the other. I know it's not that big of a deal, but from my experience when I've stayed friends on social media with an ex after our relationship ended it was because I still held a torch for them (I'm not currently friends with any of my exes on social media btw). I'm not saying that is what is going on here, but I guess I'm just a bit more uncomfortable with it than most because of my experience. Should I be concerned? Or is this nothing to even take think twice about?
Knowing nothing about the actual situation or people involved, just generally it wouldn't be a problem for me.
A lot of people neglect their FB account, I do. Haven't added people in years, haven't checked my friends list, have no idea if people have dropped me, not something I care about.
I would be concerned over it... one of my 'rules' is when it's over it stays over, no friends, nothing. Clean the slate and move on. But that's me. Other people may be different in this regard.
Knowing nothing about the actual situation or people involved, just generally it wouldn't be a problem for me.
A lot of people neglect their FB account, I do. Haven't added people in years, haven't checked my friends list, have no idea if people have dropped me, not something I care about.
I agree with this. Without more context, I think Bebe, you are reading too much significance into a facebook friends list. I deleted my facebook profile years ago. Even when I was on it, I was on it maybe once or twice a year. If a person isn't on facebook much they may not bother to curate their facebook friends list much either. I know I wasn't.
You can kind of tell how active someone is on FB. For example, a birthday comes around, and a bunch of people wish that person a Happy Birthday, but the person doesn't respond to any of the wishes, or they don't update their status in a year or three. lol
I was married for 20 years. During the divorce, we 'de-friended' each other, even though it was mostly all amicable. He could not stand seeing me act 'normal' when he was hurting. Several months later, and after various check-ins with each other that went fine, he sent me a new friend request. I accepted it, but I actually have him unfollowed. He's not a big poster to start with, so it really doesn't matter, but it was more the principle of the thing. If he wants to see what I am doing, that is fine.
My bf doesn't have a problem with us being 'friendly' to each other, but what surprised me is that he got upset when I asked my ex how things were going dating-wise (I did my best to help him with online dating early on.) He was talking to a girl finally. I congratulated him and that was that. My bf thought I would only ask about his dating life if I had a stake in it. Nope. I asked because I found someone new (him) very quickly and easily while my ex was struggling and lonely. I felt guilty about it. It was like some burden had been lifted for him to find someone. (Not my problem or concern with anything else - I just wanted him to find at least that first someone new.)
I've never mentioned him dating again. Our communication has been about stuff still at the house - like, I am getting a new grill, do you want the old one? Or he checked in on me after I had a seizure at work. He still talks to my parents regularly, so he's never going away completely.
So, yes, I am friends with my ex-husband on Facebook, but that's it. I don't want him back. I don't look at his page. I don't talk to him very often at all. I did warn him before my bf and I went 'public' as being in a relationship and before he moved in with me. I just didn't want him finding that out through Fb - thought I owed him that much after 20+ years.
If they were still into each other on the down low, they could easily do that without being openly connected on social media.
I unfriended and blocked my ex husband because he is a pain on Facebook. He starts arguments with my friends (who don't even know him) about politics and other stuff. We went in really different directions ideologically during and after the divorce. I still talk to him on the phone multiple times a week though because we have a young adult son who needs a lot of help and guidance from both of us, and we are both very involved in his life. If it weren't for him, we would probably never talk anymore. But I'm friends with his second ex wife and we often like and comment on one another's posts...we aren't close, but we're similar to how "friends" on Facebook works for most people I'm connected to there. We don't have much to argue about and enjoy the same funny memes and cat videos.
I'm friends with former lovers of a less serious nature, even a few from back in high school, but those contacts are even more superficial. Mostly "oh, I wonder what so and so from long ago is up to these days and happen to recall their last name." For the most part, I am totally validated in the fact that none of them went on to be more serious relationships. Sometimes dramatically so.
I'm not friends with my present husband on social media because he's not on social media. But I do share with him, in person, some of the funniest jokes and cool photos of interesting art and architecture and whatever that I see on there, and the best cat videos. I love him with all my heart.
Just do what you'd do with any partner if you're smart...take it slow and be observant. In general. Not specifically on Facebook. Time will tell you what you need to know about the person that he is.
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