Why can't I find a "good guy?" (older, 2015, personality)
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I am so ashamed of being a man after reading this dumpster fire of a thread. No wonder we get such a bad rap…
Look, as a man well on his way to getting married to his S/O, I have to impart to you other gentlemen on this thread that the whole reason why a woman is not interested in being with you is NEVER, and I mean NEVER because you are a “nice guy”, it’s because she’s not into you, and that will never change.
You guys need to find a girl who IS into you, and yeah, it will most likely take a lot of breakups, hand lotion, and adult films before you meet a woman who is genuinely interested in you as a man. And realize this, it’s a struggle for ALL men, nobody ever said that finding a decent person to enter into a genuine relationship with for the rest of your life would be EASY, and anyone who claims that it was easy are lying.
If you are not 100% certain that a woman is into you, SHE IS NOT INTO YOU. It will be plainly obvious to the most obtuse of people when a woman is attracted to you as a man. You won’t need to wonder or ask questions.
Finally, if nothing else, READ AND REMEMBER THIS: The “getting” the girl part is the most easy and straightforward portion of entire relationship process, the LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES. If you’re in that first phase of dating as a young man and you’re already hopelessly in over your head because you have no idea what the hell you’re doing, be wise and just wait a few more years and mature a bit before entering the dating scene. Save us ALL the TROUBLE.
I would say these guys probably need to be happy being single. Most guys do not need to find anybody that's a significant other. They need to work on themselves for themselves and as they do women will come.
And you might find when you're 35 you don't have that much trouble dating someone who's 23 of course there's going to be a lot of people that try and shame you for it but that's because they're jealous.
An attractive woman won't be attracted to the meek, average "good guy", they want a take charge kid of guy who makes a good living, but those types usually cheat so the woman cant win.
Well yeah they can. First I would take grow up a little bit and find an average good guy he doesn't have to be meek and date him and he probably won't cheat on you.
If you are only attracted to people who will cheat on you you can't win because you're sabotaging yourself.
I'm 36. I have no kids, never married, and a six figure income in a low COL area. I have a good size female body count (over forty), and since I'm bisexual, some men in there too. I'm generally more attracted to women, but my guess is I've had some kind of encounter with at least ten men, so about fifty people total. Maybe more. Most of those women were run up before 2012 or so. There were instances in early college where I'd sleep with three women a day.
I'm relatively short (5'7") and heavy (about 250 now, weighed 190 out of high school and around 7% BF as a steroid user), but I have obvious muscle/strength underneath the fat/beer belly now. I have a large frame.
I have a long-term partner now, but when I was looking last year, I noticed basically this.
The "average" 25-40 year old woman is wanting the world, even if they have nothing special to offer. You could have an attractive mom of three making $12/hr. who wouldn't give me the time of day. Before I got with my current girlfriend in spring 2021, I had a ton of fun with a then 18 year old (born in 2002). She was a bit heavy (maybe 180-200), but not to the point that she wasn't attractive or couldn't get around. Just amazing in bed and all around great girl.
Big age gap, but she had a wonderful zest for life that you generally don't see in someone in their 30s/40s. I wish I had pursued that more.
My current girlfriend is 47. She wants to stay home all the time. She works in office. I work from home. By the time the weekend rolls around, I've been in the house for five days. I want to get out of the house, and get on the road. I don't know if we can ever reconcile my love for travel, the road, and being active, with her desire to stay home.
If I was single now, I would be looking 18-25, or 50+ active women. I want someone active and vibrant. Someone who wants to get out into life and actually live it. I'm not a couch potato. I don't want my partner to be.
I'm 36. I have no kids, never married, and a six figure income in a low COL area. I have a good size female body count (over forty), and since I'm bisexual, some men in there too. I'm generally more attracted to women, but my guess is I've had some kind of encounter with at least ten men, so about fifty people total. Maybe more. Most of those women were run up before 2012 or so. There were instances in early college where I'd sleep with three women a day.
I'm relatively short (5'7") and heavy (about 250 now, weighed 190 out of high school and around 7% BF as a steroid user), but I have obvious muscle/strength underneath the fat/beer belly now. I have a large frame.
I have a long-term partner now, but when I was looking last year, I noticed basically this.
The "average" 25-40 year old woman is wanting the world, even if they have nothing special to offer. You could have an attractive mom of three making $12/hr. who wouldn't give me the time of day. Before I got with my current girlfriend in spring 2021, I had a ton of fun with a then 18 year old (born in 2002). She was a bit heavy (maybe 180-200), but not to the point that she wasn't attractive or couldn't get around. Just amazing in bed and all around great girl.
I keep pointing this out. "Not into you" does not mean, "wants the world." She just isn't into YOU. We don't have to explain or rationalize or justify the fact that we as individual women are attracted to some men and not others. Womankind did not elect any particular woman who rejected you, as our representative to deliver our shared declaration of What We Expect From Men. Unless you are prepared to monitor each woman who rejects you for life and carefully assess everything about any future partner she might have, you don't really know what she actually wants (other than not you)...and in fact she might not know either until she finds it. But we are all individuals and we like different things, which is why in the bigger picture, a big ol' majority of human beings CAN in fact, find love if they put even a little bit of reasonable effort into being a functional adult and interacting with other people.
It may not happen instantly. It may not be this or that person you were really into, who maybe was not available or mutually interested. That, by the way, happens to pretty much everyone including women. But it's a rare person for whom a search for companionship is truly hopeless. And I refuse to believe that for the great majority of people, there's nothing that they can do to improve their own odds.
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Big age gap, but she had a wonderful zest for life that you generally don't see in someone in their 30s/40s. I wish I had pursued that more.
My current girlfriend is 47. She wants to stay home all the time. She works in office. I work from home. By the time the weekend rolls around, I've been in the house for five days. I want to get out of the house, and get on the road. I don't know if we can ever reconcile my love for travel, the road, and being active, with her desire to stay home.
If I was single now, I would be looking 18-25, or 50+ active women. I want someone active and vibrant. Someone who wants to get out into life and actually live it. I'm not a couch potato. I don't want my partner to be.
I feel for ya on this last part, while I adore my husband and we enjoy many of the same things, I do want to go forth and have adventures and road trips and such a lot more than he does. He doesn't mind if I go off on my own or with friends, but I still wish he enjoyed these things, too. Oh well. Sometimes you have to compromise.
I'm 36. I have no kids, never married, and a six figure income in a low COL area. I have a good size female body count (over forty), and since I'm bisexual, some men in there too. I'm generally more attracted to women, but my guess is I've had some kind of encounter with at least ten men, so about fifty people total. Maybe more. Most of those women were run up before 2012 or so. There were instances in early college where I'd sleep with three women a day.
I'm relatively short (5'7") and heavy (about 250 now, weighed 190 out of high school and around 7% BF as a steroid user), but I have obvious muscle/strength underneath the fat/beer belly now. I have a large frame.
I have a long-term partner now, but when I was looking last year, I noticed basically this.
The "average" 25-40 year old woman is wanting the world, even if they have nothing special to offer. You could have an attractive mom of three making $12/hr. who wouldn't give me the time of day. Before I got with my current girlfriend in spring 2021, I had a ton of fun with a then 18 year old (born in 2002). She was a bit heavy (maybe 180-200), but not to the point that she wasn't attractive or couldn't get around. Just amazing in bed and all around great girl.
Big age gap, but she had a wonderful zest for life that you generally don't see in someone in their 30s/40s. I wish I had pursued that more.
My current girlfriend is 47. She wants to stay home all the time. She works in office. I work from home. By the time the weekend rolls around, I've been in the house for five days. I want to get out of the house, and get on the road. I don't know if we can ever reconcile my love for travel, the road, and being active, with her desire to stay home.
If I was single now, I would be looking 18-25, or 50+ active women. I want someone active and vibrant. Someone who wants to get out into life and actually live it. I'm not a couch potato. I don't want my partner to be.
So...why are you with the 47 yr old woman who wants to stay home?
I know a lot of young guys online tend to view it as ... the more you make, the more desirable you are.
It doesn't necessarily work that way, and I used to think that way more so too (probably to my detriment).
In my experience, a good deal of women would rather have someone who makes 60K (in middle age) and does something interesting than someone who makes 100K at your typical .. lame, boring, stressful corporate gig. It's desirable to have someone who can actually talk about what they do at their job.
A lot depends on demographics, but I've seen many examples of it.
The exception is if you make enough money to put your wife out of work or into a much easier, or more desirable career while still keeping your typical upper-middle class suburban lifestyle. But now you're talking about doctors or dentists, or guys who work all the time, or guys who tell other people to work all the time.
I have friends who work in the video game and film industry and at this point, some of them make likely as much or more than someone who works a more corporate job.
But even being a manager of a nice restaurant. Or like a bar manager. I mean, that can be a pretty interesting job.
Places like CD forum, where the base demo is people who are in front of a computer all day, there's a skew. The women here too.
I know a lot of young guys online tend to view it as ... the more you make, the more desirable you are.
It doesn't necessarily work that way, and I used to think that way more so too (probably to my detriment).
In my experience, a good deal of women would rather have someone who makes 60K (in middle age) and does something interesting than someone who makes 100K at your typical .. lame, boring, stressful corporate gig. It's desirable to have someone who can actually talk about what they do at their job.
A lot depends on demographics, but I've seen many examples of it.
The exception is if you make enough money to put your wife out of work or into a much easier, or more desirable career while still keeping your typical upper-middle class suburban lifestyle. But now you're talking about doctors or dentists, or guys who work all the time, or guys who tell other people to work all the time.
I have friends who work in the video game and film industry and at this point, some of them make likely as much or more than someone who works a more corporate job.
But even being a manager of a nice restaurant. Or like a bar manager. I mean, that can be a pretty interesting job.
Places like CD forum, where the base demo is people who are in front of a computer all day, there's a skew. The women here too.
I think in terms of salary you want to find that sweet spot where you are doing ok, but not working crazy hours. A lot of jobs you start getting into that 6-figure range in management and you end up working more than 40 a week. I think if you can find someone that makes good money but isn't tied to their job would be a better thing that I think more women would probably like.
I know a lot of young guys online tend to view it as ... the more you make, the more desirable you are.
It doesn't necessarily work that way, and I used to think that way more so too (probably to my detriment).
In my experience, a good deal of women would rather have someone who makes 60K (in middle age) and does something interesting than someone who makes 100K at your typical .. lame, boring, stressful corporate gig. It's desirable to have someone who can actually talk about what they do at their job.
A lot depends on demographics, but I've seen many examples of it.
The exception is if you make enough money to put your wife out of work or into a much easier, or more desirable career while still keeping your typical upper-middle class suburban lifestyle. But now you're talking about doctors or dentists, or guys who work all the time, or guys who tell other people to work all the time.
I have friends who work in the video game and film industry and at this point, some of them make likely as much or more than someone who works a more corporate job.
But even being a manager of a nice restaurant. Or like a bar manager. I mean, that can be a pretty interesting job.
Places like CD forum, where the base demo is people who are in front of a computer all day, there's a skew. The women here too.
Well, living 'hand to mouth' is not attractive, especially if you are male and are expected to 'step up'.
$60K??? Hmmm...single, middle-aged... $60K.
I dunno where you are but where I am that's not gonna get you much... unless you want a repetitive diet of of garbage 'food' or a bunch of 'roomies' in a somewhat better-than-marginal neighborhood or living in the middle of nowhere - no thank you to all three.
Now... $60K *may* work IF you have a partner who makes that - or more - it may be doable then but there are no guarantees of meeting ANYONE, let alone anyone who makes your salary (or more).
But even being a manager of a nice restaurant. Or like a bar manager. I mean, that can be a pretty interesting job.
Those might very well be interesting jobs, but they're also jobs where someone would almost exclusively be working nights and weekends. If you and your partner are working opposite schedules, it doesn't matter how well-paid or cool the job is if you never see them. Or, like Chow was saying, many high-paying positions require 40+ hours a week and being on-call all the time. On threads like these women always get slammed for being materialistic, but many women would prefer spending actual time with their SO rather than sitting by themselves while SO is at work all the time.
Well, living 'hand to mouth' is not attractive, especially if you are male and are expected to 'step up'.
$60K??? Hmmm...single, middle-aged... $60K.
I dunno where you are but where I am that's not gonna get you much... unless you want a repetitive diet of of garbage 'food' or a bunch of 'roomies' in a somewhat better-than-marginal neighborhood or living in the middle of nowhere - no thank you to all three.
Now... $60K *may* work IF you have a partner who makes that - or more - it may be doable then but there are no guarantees of meeting ANYONE, let alone anyone who makes your salary (or more).
I know it's enough because I pay my bills and I live pretty well.
For somebody who has high falootin standards, maybe not.
New Jersey.
For me it is enough for me and CERTAINLY enough in a potential partner.
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diet of of garbage 'food' or a bunch of 'roomies' in a somewhat better-than-marginal neighborhood or living in the middle of nowhere - no thank you to all three.