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In my experience, it's not quite that simple. There always seems to be some expectation of "chivalry" when the friend is female. My guy friends don't expect me to hold doors for them, nor just automatically expect me to pick up the tab when out drinking/dining together. My guy friends don't expect me to remember their birthdays. Yet women generally do.
If I ask a guy friend if he wants to go to the XYZ concert in an upcoming weekend, the answer is never predicated upon whether I'll be the one buying the tickets. (etc etc etc). Or if I have a guy friend over as a guest and he happens to be an auto mechanic, how frequently will he lay out one ground rule, don't I dare ask for a repair opinion.... because doing so would "cheapen" our friendship.
My point is, the women never seem to feel overly guilty exploiting "convention" when doing so is in their favor. So in that very same spirit... why not: "when in Rome"? is that "hate"?
As far as you always paying for things those are not really friends, they are exploiting you.
Not sure I get the mechanic analogy.
Male female friendships may have somewhat different dynamics but should not be exploitative or one sided.
As far as you always paying for things those are not really friends, they are exploiting you.
Not sure I get the mechanic analogy.
Male female friendships may have somewhat different dynamics but should not be exploitative or one sided.
Yeah, that's weird. I'd never expect a male friend to pay or treat unless he specifically said he was going to, and I hold doors for people as well. That's just politeness.
Some men look for that, and some women want to do it.
That's because that's what some men want, which really a housekeeper not a companion. I have yet to meet a woman that wants to cook and clean for a man.
Stop. Reading. Reddit. Also, given the two threads that you've started here on CDR, it makes me wonder if your most recent ex-partner played his own part in filling your head with this "expiration date" and "men don't like women" nonsense on his way out the door, so to speak.
Did/do you have any positive male role models and/or friends in your life? Having men who know you and value you as a fellow human might help you to better navigate the dating waters.
It is EVERYWHERE online, not just Reddit. Hell, women making YouTube videos about dating over 30 are bombarded with comments about how women in their 30s are no good anymore.
That's because that's what some men want, which really a housekeeper not a companion. I have yet to meet a woman that wants to cook and clean for a man.
As feminist as I can be at times, I don't mind cooking and doing other household things for my man. In fact, I generally enjoy "doing" for him, but it's my choice to do so. (To me, feminism was about having choices and opportunities, but that's a topic for another thread...)
Now, if a man expects me to do those things, expects me to follow him around the house as a one-woman cleaning crew picking up the messes that he left in his wake, *and* takes my doing those tasks for granted, it would be another story. It was the same when I was married, too, in that I took care of most of the cooking, housekeeping, etc., by choice. I think that part of the way that I am this way was my upbringing and part of it that "acts of service" is one of my two main love languages. I have friends who feel and act as I do as well, so I'm certainly not an outlier in this regard.
The thing is, in every relationship that I've had, there was a balance to things as I didn't form relationships with men who were borderline/fully non-functional when it came to keeping a home and cooking and expected me to take up where their mothers had left off. I think that is where dating/marrying men who both like and respect women comes into play. They're certainly out there despite what the O.P. is reading online.
In my experience, it's not quite that simple. There always seems to be some expectation of "chivalry" when the friend is female. My guy friends don't expect me to hold doors for them, nor just automatically expect me to pick up the tab when out drinking/dining together. My guy friends don't expect me to remember their birthdays. Yet women generally do.
If I ask a guy friend if he wants to go to the XYZ concert in an upcoming weekend, the answer is never predicated upon whether I'll be the one buying the tickets. (etc etc etc). Or if I have a guy friend over as a guest and he happens to be an auto mechanic, how frequently will he lay out one ground rule, don't I dare ask for a repair opinion.... because doing so would "cheapen" our friendship.
My point is, the women never seem to feel overly guilty exploiting "convention" when doing so is in their favor. So in that very same spirit... why not: "when in Rome"? is that "hate"?
You sound as though you had/have a complicated relationship with your Mom. Like she might be a manipulative person or uses guilt on you? Just a guess.
Tons of women are not at all like this. If you've been finding yourself feeling used, you should contemplate why. There is a reason, and it often has to do with boundaries and recreating systems that one grew up with.
Like others have said here, I hold doors for people at least as often as they do for me. I have never needed, wanted, or expected, hoped or asked for, a man to pull out a chair, open a car door, pump gas, or do any of these little "service" behaviors for me. I'm not a pampered princess, most women are not. If that's your thing, then you can find it, but to act as though it's something so universal that it can be assumed, is ridiculous.
As for who pays for stuff? I am always, ALWAYS willing to pay my own way, unless someone has been quite explicit and insistent that they are paying. Even then, I always say a very sincere, "You sure?" to give them one more chance to say, "you know, actually, if you'd be willing to split this that would really help, thanks"...like that would always have been fine. After that, though, I let it go. I'm not gonna wrestle somebody or cause a scene over the check.
In case you hadn't heard, women have jobs now. We can pay for our own stuff. It's a whole thing! And we won't get the vapors because we had to open a door, and we can also ride trains that go faster than 50mph without our uteruses flying out of our bodies. There have been some amazing discoveries in modern times!
It is EVERYWHERE online, not just Reddit. Hell, women making YouTube videos about dating over 30 are bombarded with comments about how women in their 30s are no good anymore.
It’s all so pointless for a woman at this age.
So I'll amend what I wrote although the message remains the same: Get offline and out into the real world. Interact with "real" men--and immediately toss back those who confirm your worst thoughts and fears about yourself and your value as a human being. Stop filling your head with nonsense from any source on the internet--be it Reddit or some garbage MGTOW or PUA site. Continuing to read that stuff will only lead to self-fulfilling prophesies as the insecurities and mistrust that you're internalizing does subtly telegraph itself to others whether you realize it or not.
I have to ask since you neatly avoided answering this question when I asked it in the same post that you quoted: do/did you not have positive male role models in your life? Did your ex make you feel worthless when the two of you ended your relationship? I only ask because the level of your anxiety when it comes to dating at your still-tender age is off the charts and speaks of someone who might have had men in her past who did and/or said that things that eroded her confidence and self-worth.
It's normal to feel like a fish out of water when reentering the dating pool after a long term relationship has ended, but the fears that you're expressing are not rational--especially for those of us who have successfully formed quality relationships well past the age of thirty-five.
Some men may think about sex a lot between the ages of about 15 to 25 or 30, however it wains after that, especially after you finally get a girlfriend and start experiencing it regularly.
Really i think the term slutty or loose is mostly used in a negative sense against women by other women, if a women earns that reputation in the manosphere, they will usually just chase said girl to see if they can get some.
I DID say "reproductive years". And no...it's not just women who use it against other women. It's implied and mentioned in this relationship forum often enough.
It is EVERYWHERE online, not just Reddit. Hell, women making YouTube videos about dating over 30 are bombarded with comments about how women in their 30s are no good anymore.
It’s all so pointless for a woman at this age.
Also.....you *do* know that those women who post this nonsense on YouTube, etc., aren't simply making videos to express themselves, but for attention/exposure. In short, they also have ulterior motives that are just as, if not more, toxic that the garbage spewed by men online.
On a personal note: my dating life post-divorce at age thirty-eight was a veritable buffet of men. Met a lot of great guys, had a nearly three year relationship with one of them before meeting my partner of over four years just before I turned forty-two. (He was the only guy who I met through an online dating site, BTW. Most guys who I dated I met when out and about.) Several of our friends within our immediate circle met and married when the women in the relationships were over age forty--including my partner's former wife who met her guy when she was forty-six. We ladies certainly are not outliers.
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because doing so would "cheapen" our friendship. 
