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Is he still in love with his wife? She cheated on him and it caught him blindsided. So he wasn't ready to end the relationship. If he still has feelings for her, you could be a crutch for the intimacy he desires. It has only been six months so psychologically he may still feel married and is being unfaithful to her by being in another relationship. I would cool it and let him get back in touch when he feels he is ready to move on.
I guess you both broke your respective droughts to help move on from your marriages. There should be no strings attached, however. You’re in rebound mode. No foul.
You don’t want to make this a “thing” for all the reasons mentioned. Be grateful you came across a good fling to help you along. He’s not the right one right now. Be glad it happened.
Hello! I'm new to the forum and looking for a bit of advice. I'm 42, with a ten year old daughter, and in the middle of a divorce - due to be finalised in the next couple of months, although we're still living together and I'm not sure when that will change. Although it's been difficult, it was my decision and something I've been coming to terms with the need for mentally for years (my husband is an alcoholic and I've realised that I can't fix him... I think that we both stand a better chance of happiness apart), so I am feeling pretty strong and resolved about it.
A couple of months ago I met a new man at a friend's party and we immediately got on really well. We talked really easily for ages and ended up kissing, then met up the next morning too - the party was in a hotel and we were both there the next morning - and exchanged numbers. Unfortunately we live hundreds of miles apart and in my current situation it's not easy for me to drop everything and go to meet someone. He is also getting divorced (though not still living together) and has two kids. We were in regular text contact for a few weeks, talked on the phone more than once too. Then about a month ago as luck would have it my work took me to his city for the night and we met up - we ended up having sex which was amazing, and we both said we didn't normally sleep with people so quickly (this might sound like a line but I believed him, and my friend, who is actually his cousin, also told me he isn't the type to sleep around) and felt a real connection with each other.
Since then, we've stayed in contact, but I get the strong impression that the whole thing is messing with his head a bit. Although we're in very similar stages of our lives in some ways, his situation is very different to mine. His (soon to be ex) wife was unfaithful to him and ended the marriage about six months ago out of the blue, so I am very aware that emotionally he must be in quite a different place to me. I've been dealing with the breakdown of my marriage for years and have done a lot of the grieving for it, whereas he hasn't. No doubt the circumstances have really hurt him and left him with trust issues too. He said to me a couple of weeks ago in a message that he hadn't expected to click with anyone mentally and physically so soon and that he didn't know what to think/feel about it. Since then he's been in touch less... he isn't ghosting me or anything but I just feel that the walls have gone up, and I'm not sure what to do. If this is a case of "right person wrong time", how should I handle it? I'm wondering whether to tell him that I think we should cut contact for a couple of months to give him some space, and then get back in touch and meet up again if we still want to. I don't really want to do that, but I'm worried that if we carry on like this I'm going to end up scaring him off - I am feeling impatient, I just want to see him again and explore things but like I say, I think I'm in a totally different place mentally to him and I'm aware this timing is not great, especially when coupled with the distance between us which makes things harder. I have no doubt that he likes me, but I can't quite tell what is going on in his head. If anyone has any words of wisdom, please share!!
Sounds like a rebound relationship. I would usually advise against jumping into a new relationship so soon but, there are exceptions to the rule. I've known people who jumped right into a rebound and lived happily ever after. Not that it could not work but, given that he has already backed off, he might just be using you as a placeholder (unfortunately).
Sounds to me like its physical and about the sex, you know, that exciting can’t get enough thing that happens when you first meet a very attractive person. And you were both lonely, that made things work out better for this situation making it seem like you were meant to be together. You are not around each other often enough to have disagreements, which further makes it seem like its meant to be, and your both going through a divorce at the same time, good topic, plenty to discuss, that sort of thing. The very fact that your not around each other often, haven’t seen one another very much makes the relationship bloom when you are because you have plenty to talk about, lots of information to share, it keeps you both interested in one another not letting the fire go out. Its probably physical, you already said the sex was amazing, why not just do that and not worry about a relationship? If it happens it happens, if not it doesn’t. Or the alternative is rush down to the local wedding chapel, tie the knot for fear he will find another woman that’s equally as good in bed, and you’ll lose the hot new flame. Now I know why I am single, these things are all really stressful
My Ex and I divorced in our mid 30's we were both were in new long term relationships within 3-6 months. I got married after a year she got married again after 2 years. That was 20 years ago last time I talked to her she was still with the same man was happy.
Sounds like your ready to move on no reason to "Heal". I would delay getting remarried again until you're sure about that dating after a divorce why would you wait? Life is short no time to waste get going with being happy.
I guess you both broke your respective droughts to help move on from your marriages. There should be no strings attached, however. You’re in rebound mode. No foul.
You don’t want to make this a “thing” for all the reasons mentioned. Be grateful you came across a good fling to help you along. He’s not the right one right now. Be glad it happened.
Thinking the same thing. You jumped into the sack way too fast. This guy with his cheating wife is not going to want another one that is so quick with sex. Rookie mistake with men no matter what the scenario. But, people that do this will never listen.
I think as a mother you should think of your child first before you just jump into a new relationship like that. And get rid of that husband of yours. This situation sounds like a mess. I feel bad for the children who are involved.
Get your home situation in order, take care of your child. You are acting very selfish.
I'm not sure your new friend would be a " new man" yet, you both have a lot of legal stuff to deal with before your marriages are ended.
It sounds like you're in the UK, I'm not familiar with divorce laws, custody, spousal support in the British legal system, but just as practical household management it seems like having an alcoholic ex-husband with no means of supporting himself still living in the home wouldn't be a good idea. And with a young child also in the house.
And then you're going to be dating...
Alcoholics can be extremely and suddenly volatile. For any reason, jealousy, fear of loss of support or a place to live.
I understand your question was about how to proceed with your new acquaintance romantically but the glaring issue that should be settled first would seem to be your domestic situation before entering into any of that.
In the overall scheme of things I don't know how the OP can be bothered worrying about a potential relationship with the new guy when her crushing problem is a soon to be ex that is unemployed and living with her. Perhaps focusing on the new guy is one way of avoiding looking at the elephant in the room.
Will she be able to kick her husband out if it means he has to live on the street? Or will she keep him forever out of pity? If they are just renting, perhaps she could move and not let him go with her. But having him in the same home, divorced or not is the biggest problem.
Get rid of the hubby, for starters. You are just enabling a loser.
I went through the divorce from hell. It could not have been any worse. She was an attorney (i put her through law school, LoL) and she used every dirty/nasty trick in the books.
During this time i was involved with a very special woman. She understood ALL aspects of what I was going through and she stood by me. Unequivocally. I could not have asked for any more from a person who could have very easily/reasonably walked away from my situation.
You might be finding the same thing, OP. A person who genuinely cares, understands your situation, and is willing to be that shoulder of support. Just as you are to him.
No reason to not embrace that.
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