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I have NEVER been in this situation before and it is so horrible! I always judged people who claimed to be in love with two people at once because I would scoff and say, that's not possible you're just being greedy. This is the HARDEST decision I have ever made in love.
I am 32 years old, I started going on dates with one guy and then met the other guy one week later. It started out as just getting to know them, casual dating, nothing was official yet with either of them. That went on for a few weeks and BOTH of them confessed that they were falling in love with me and wanted to be officially exclusive with me.
At that point I didn't know who I liked more because I liked both of them in different ways. I said yes but for about a week but I kept seeing them both (I know, I'm a horrible person for doing that). I genuinely couldn't choose and still cant. I made the decision tonight and I am really upset about it. I don't know if I made the right choice. I am going to do my best to explain as a list why each of them is really good for me and I need other people's opinions on who you think I should choose.
I have deep feelings for both of them and both are handsome, so let's get that out of the way - this is going to be a break down of practical matters instead. I know I'm going to get chewed up and spit out on this thread.
I ended up choosing Ken. Eric is heartbroken which hurts me a lot. I am more attracted to Eric and the sex is incredible with him. 10/10 Chemistry & attraction with Eric, 7/10 Chemistry & attraction with
Ken (First guy) -
Pros:
Very loyal, yes I went through his phone numerous times (I KNOW, I know, please save the judgment)
Has a stable job, house and car.
Says he loves me and wants to marry me already.
Takes me to so many events and outdoor places which has broadened my life in many ways - sports events, ranges, vacations, etc.
Protective of me, has told me many times he is proficient in hand to hand combat and is a very skilled fighter. Very athletic and dominant, a manly-man sort of guy.
Strong willed and intelligent. Strong minded. Was denied entry somewhere and got us in because he refused to take no for an answer - takes charge and leads in a way that makes me feel safe wherever I go with him.
Safe driver - I always feel safe in the car with him.
Makes way, way more money than 2nd guy which IS important in relationships for stability.
Super clean, not messy at all. Almost to a fault - see cons list.
Goes out of his way to do things for me that are very important and special to me.
Our sleep schedules are exactly the same.
More flexibility with his day to day life due to his job.
Cons:
Jealous (has made comments that are alarming in terms of how jealous he can be)
Controlling - he is very particular and has to have everything in a certain spot. I moved something and he actually got angry at me. Made me feel uncomfortable. Makes me wonder what living with him would be like.
We have already had a fight.
VERY much a picky eater. Has a list of foods he refuses to eat. I'm a cook so this makes me nervous to even cook for him.
Has a temper - see controlling and jealous.
Super religious to the point of being closed minded.
Sex is lacking something...not the greatest. I'll just put it that way.
Complains a lot.
Eric (Second guy) -
Pros:
Incredibly talented piano player. Played professionally for awhile. Doesn't anymore though.
Skilled outdoorsman/hiker. I unfortunately dont like to hike so maybe I should put this in the cons list - something I simply dont want to do again after a negative experience I had.
Very kind, calm demeanor. Would be hard to get into an argument with him. Makes me feel calmer because with the other guy I feel like its much easier to get into an argument.
Open minded and accepting of everyone. Almost to a passive degree though.
Amazing sex, best I've ever had. So attracted to him its crazy.
Sweet and caring. Emotionally more expressive and communicates his feelings much better in a very romantic way.
Has a go with the flow attitude.
We believe the exact same spiritual beliefs and have had long in depth talks about meditation and spiritual teachers.
Said he loves me and that he's never felt this way about anyone before. Begged me not to leave. Broke my heart to see him hurt like that when I didn't want to stop seeing him yet either but had to make the choice sooner than later before I got more invested in both of them.
Cons:
Pot head. Smokes to calm down a lot, smokes in the morning, noon and night. Not sure if its just when he's with me or if its a daily thing for him.
Very, very little money. To the point that he has to live with his parents. We are all in our early 30s. He doesn't know when he will be able to move out. I was able to overlook this if things got serious and we moved in together.
Doesn't have a car, because he said his truck broke down and doesn't know when he will be able to afford one. Says he will in a few weeks but who knows? So I have to drive to him and drive us everywhere with mine.
Has no plans to change his current job which he loves because he's passionate about it (camp counselor) - Says he doesn't do it for the money. Leaves for 2 weeks out of the month every month for said job.
Our sleep schedules are NOT the same (morning person vs night owl)
Messy (computer was dirty and clothes sprawled on the floor when I unexpectedly was invited over)
Drives really slow making me feel like he isn't confident on the road.
Wouldn't protect me in a fight because he said if an intruder came in, he'd wanna talk instead of defend us.
Has female friends he hikes with/hangs out with and even calls one his best friend.
IF you are serious about marriage, it's, for me a lifelong commitment. For better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness in health.
My experience, husband of 17 years, accident at work, income slashed by 2/3, fortunately working part-time. 2 teens, he could no longer work outside the home. After a major surgery he had a year later, I returned to work full time.
Ken, his way or no way. ? Do you want to give up yourself, only do what Ken wants ?
Why not end both relationships; seriously consider what you want in a marriage. Marriage is a give and take.Two friends who consider the best for each other.
Before you consider intimacy, get to know the person first; you say you enjoy cooking, take a cooking class for a cuisine you're interested in learning, travel, do things you're interested. Calvary Chapel, is a very informal church, lots of young people.
Blue Dream, you are wise, brave to start this Thread, pray you heed, pay attention to the Posts people share to your Thread. Very wise people, caring people on City-Data from the the responses to my Threads.
I was in a similar situation back in 2018 when I met my wife. Both women were great compatible matches. Both women were also extremely successful career-minded women. One was a business owner and a former mayoral candidate for office in her town. The other was a travel practitioner. At the time that I made my decision I was already intimate with the business owner and had not yet met the practitioner face to face (but the practitioner and I had met online and we were having extremely positive phone conversations). I ultimately chose the practitioner for one logical reason (if I had been that satisfied with the business owner I would not have been online still looking).
So here's my advice to anybody who finds themself in this situation. Pick the second person because there is a reason why the first person did not compel you to stop shopping. I have not ever second-guessed my decision because I know for a fact that I picked the girl that I wanted off of the dating market. When it comes to the one that you want to be married to trust and believe you are never torn. Being torn would imply that you're dealing with two individuals that are less than what you actually want....
Last edited by urbancharlotte; 04-16-2023 at 05:24 AM..
Picks the one that is jealous and controlling (to the point the OP was alarmed about comments about jealousy).
Not surprised at all the OP is now having second thoughts (if this is a real situation). Good luck though in trying to tell/reason with option 1 about breaking things off.
has told me many times he is proficient in hand to hand combat and is a very skilled fighter. Very athletic and dominant, a manly-man sort of guy.
Jealous (has made comments that are alarming in terms of how jealous he can be)
Controlling - he is very particular and has to have everything in a certain spot. I moved something and he actually got angry at me. Made me feel uncomfortable. Makes me wonder what living with him would be like.
Has a temper - see controlling and jealous.
Super religious to the point of being closed minded.
Sex is lacking something...not the greatest. I'll just put it that way.
Complains a lot.
What are you doing lady? This guy is a bozo and a turd.
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