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It took you ten years to figure out that you made a bad choice. Then you did not leave him alone but went the back door route through his girl friend. Now you are back in his life as the confidante. Apparently there is something you want.
I don't think it's as bad as some of you think. Unless the notifying persists with other individuals.
I disagree. I don't think it's hers or anyone else's responsibility to "warn" others about a relationship that they had with a person. I'm not minimizing what this guy did, and I certainly don't find it acceptable, but people break up for all sorts of reasons. It's not the responsibility of an ex to notify new romantic interests of their experience. It seems almost clear as day that this has more to do with being vindictive than truly being concerned.
She knew this guy wasn't right in the head and stayed in his life as a "friend" despite his nuttiness. Now she feels an obligation to air their dirty laundry to the new significant other? Sorry to say, but she's either extremely bored, vindictive, pining for a reunion with this guy, or all of the above.
Last edited by Moonlight Drive; 06-10-2023 at 11:32 AM..
Here's some unsolicited advice; Get a restraining order TODAY and don't look back. His type is a ticking time bomb and sooner or later you'll be in the ER of the local hospital.
Best wishes.
I disagree. I don't think it's hers or anyone else's responsibility to "warn" others about a relationship that they had with a person. I'm not minimizing what this guy did, and I certainly don't find it acceptable, but people break up for all sorts of reasons. It's not the responsibility of an ex to notify new romantic interests of their experience. It seems almost clear as day that this has more to do with being vindictive than truly being concerned.
She knew this guy wasn't right in the head and stayed in his life as a "friend" despite his nuttiness. Now she feels an obligation to air their dirty laundry to the new significant other? Sorry to say, but she's either extremely bored, vindictive, pining for a reunion with this guy, or all of the above.
It's not a universal thing. Some people want to be notified. I did, and do because of past extremely negative experiences. To each his own.
I don't think she's pining for a reunion. I think it's a case of co-dependency and that should be addressed.
It's not a universal thing. Some people want to be notified. I did, and do because of past extremely negative experiences. To each his own.
I don't think she's pining for a reunion. I think it's a case of co-dependency and that should be addressed.
Maybe we should get it out of our heads that remaining friends with exes is some type of virtue. We've had that discussion here before. It is certainly an individual decision and every relationship is unique. It isn't BAD to go your separate ways after break up, it doesn't mean anyone is angry or bitter. It's just moving on.
As far as someone with an anger issue I do think I'd want to know.
I’m sorry you went through this…but this thread sounds super angry too! Why do you think it took so long for you to “finally go no contact”? What do you think you can do to help YOU feel better? That’s what is important now…not him. AND, just because somebody is religious doesn’t make them a good guy. You know that ofc…right? There are red flags all over, but with you too.
edit:
IMO, it can be super controlling or gossipy instead of empowering yourself. “You” are trying to control your ex & anyone he dates. They are adults. She will figure it out like you did or her experience may not be anything like yours. Some ppl bring out the worst in the other…it takes 2 to have a dysfunctional relationship. AND…IMO, most women are going to look at you as the scorned woman & not believe it anyway. Or worse.
I have never warned anyone. I simply stated that I myself would like to be warned. Everyone has the right to choose.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit
Being Christian doesn't automatically make one a good person. Plenty of bad people in this world claim to be Christians or hide behind it to wash themselves of culpability for the way they lead their lives. It is good to seek a person of religious faith if that is important to you. However, seek the person that walks the walk not just talks the talk.
Yes. It can be hard to leave. However, you chose to remain in contact. You chose to insert yourself into his business. You continue to create the drama. You chose to create this thread to further fester your thoughts.
I still fail to see the intent or purpose of posting what seems to be simply an account of a bad relationship experience. What exactly are you seeking to discuss? It seems you were seeking validation because now you seem to be upset. You are not getting the response you wanted.
reason why it was so hard leave him is because I had gone to the same Church as him. So that made it a bit complicated. And I really liked this Church and the friends I had there.. When planning go no contact with him, I would have to leave the Church.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
There are good and bad Christians, just like there are good and bad Muslims, and good and bad any other religion, race, political party, any other label you can put on people.
Unfortunately.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
And one can have tattoos or some bad habits but also be of good character.
People must learn there is no written formula- you have to do the work of getting to know people before making presumptions or judgements about them. Watch them for a while and they will show you who they are.
Some of the most "upstanding" seeming people are pretty awful. It's frustrating when everyone thinks Bob is such a great guy because of the way he presents himself publicly but you know better and of course no one wants to hear anything bad about nice-guy Bob.
Good points. Tattoos are common with many people nowadays and most of them are great people
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
Do you have children with him? Because that does change things a bit.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,580,042 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pathrunner
I have never warned anyone. I simply stated that I myself would like to be warned. Everyone has the right to choose.
I didn’t mean you personally ofc….BUT, it’s a weird thing to say ppl have a right to get into other ppl’s relationships tho. It’s not empowering yourself & getting distance from the man. IMO, it’s being controlling.
reason why it was so hard leave him is because I had gone to the same Church as him. So that made it a bit complicated. And I really liked this Church and the friends I had there.. When planning go no contact with him, I would have to leave the Church.
I understand that you feel emotionally invested because you share something; in this case the same church.
Keep in mind that while membership of any organization does create a group with common interests, goals, etc... it does not equate to an organization that creates a group with common people. There are good and bad people in EVERY organization whether it is a special interest, political, or religious group.
My father comes from a country in which very corrupt and evil people would participate in his church to seemingly wash themselves of culpability and guilt of their actions. Some of the parishioners are the very people in the community they abused.
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