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What I find interesting is that you find her love of live music more concerning that her being a "high and easy spender." Not every show is a spendy one and unlike listening to a record, a live show is a bit different each night, so while this woman's passion for attending concerts might seem extreme to you, it makes sense for her. (This is why people will follow bands such as Phish during their tours. It's about the experience just as much as it's about the music.)
If her love of concerts is this big of a hang up for you, you're just not a match despite the commonalities that you share with her.
The live shows aren't majorly different from one city to the next. I've seen bands on Youtube and those TV apps. They'll insert a few new songs to play or do a cover of another famous song like "Comfortably Numb" or "Along the Watchtower".
Well, maybe I can do once a week after commenting about these shows. It's bringing back memories of the fan's energy, drum sets, guitar solos, and nostalgic times. Now that I think more about it. I'm missing out.
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I guess now is not the time to bring up that I'm traveling to Europe twice this fall to see my favorite band? It's not only to see them, as I'm building other stuff into my trips. But they're the main driver.
Some people just love to enjoy their favorite music performed live. Others have friends they hang out with at gigs. There's no law people have to have EVERY interest in common.
Maybe ask yourself why her love of live music is such an issue for you. Is it a male band? Are they good-looking? Do they have a lot of groupies? Are they known for bad behavior on the road? Are you worried she might have a little crush on them?
I bring it up because my last BF totally would not be okay with me traveling to see a band. I could tell by the way he reacted when I told him how in my late 20s a bunch of my gal pals and I would take road trips to see our favorite hockey team. He went right to "What, trying to sleep with them?" So he would have done it with a band, too. Anything where I was watching a bunch of guys doing what they do for a living was met with some kind of accusation like that.
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Originally Posted by cleasach
Wow. How bizarre. What if she read five books a week? Or bowled every week? People have hobbies that they engage in regularly. Some people binge watch the same season of shows over and over just because. You base the worthiness of people to be your friend based on whether or not you approvate of their hobbies?
She was probably in a prior relationship in which her wants were ignored so now that she's single, she's doing whatever the heck she wants and won't be told what to do like she's a dependent child. Sounds right to me.
Sounds right to me, too. If she was abused in a prior relationship, she's got some trauma in her past. Most people do have some kind of trauma. That's often how we get the "buttons" other people push, either deliberately or accidentally. Going back to my ex-BF, above, he probably really is my LAST boyfriend because I'm done dealing with insecurity like his for one lifetime. I will not cater to it or the attempts at domination that go with it.
At any rate, OP, it's her money and time. If you don't like how she spends either, keep her as a friend and look elsewhere for a girlfriend.
The live shows aren't majorly different from one city to the next. I've seen bands on Youtube and those TV apps. They'll insert a few new songs to play or do a cover of another famous song like "Comfortably Numb" or "Along the Watchtower".
Well, maybe I can do once a week after commenting about these shows. It's bringing back memories of the fan's energy, drum sets, guitar solos, and nostalgic times. Now that I think more about it. I'm missing out.
.
Watching a show on YouTube lacks the energy and vibes of a live show.
Not pushing you to do what you're not into, of course. I see this woman's love of concert going much as I see someone who's really into sports. Not my thing and I'm not about to be roped into following a sports team or playing golf at every opportunity (yawn), but if I was into the person and they didn't expect me to tag along often to support their personal passion, I'd go to a game or golf every so often with them. (Just to cite some examples.)
Yep, l agree. And the live band stuff, that's a lot she's 50s. People crapping on about all these other things or still seeing a few bands or this and that isn't even remotely the equivalent or same. Add in her other stuff and traits you've mentioned combined, sounds like mid lifing script to me, acting like she's 20 again. It's very common after a few marriages and coming into menopause.
People will jump all over this l know but eh, go for it. Saw so much of it out there in single women after my divorce though.
Sorry to say op but your gut is right , you don't wanna go getting involved with her..
Yep, l agree. And the live band stuff, that's a lot she's 50s. People crapping on about all these other things or still seeing a few bands or this and that isn't even remotely the equivalent or same. Add in her other stuff and traits you've mentioned combined, sounds like mid lifing script to me, acting like she's 20 again. It's very common after a few marriages and coming into menopause.
People will jump all over this l know but eh, go for it. Saw so much of it out there in single women after my divorce though.
Sorry to say op but your gut is right , you don't wanna go getting involved with her..
I don't disagree with you that a newfound freedom can make this happen. If she was under someone's thumb in past relationships for years and at 50-something is deciding to live a bit of a carefree life, spending and enjoying things for a while, that is a whole lot different than someone that lived irresponsibly. For the OP-- who listed some pretty strong compatibilities-- to be peevish and judgmental about her love of concerts and anything else, says more about the OP than it does about her. Sounds like if she got involved with the OP, she'd be back under the thumb because after all, the OP thinks seeing the same band over and over is worthless so she should just adopt that belief and deprive herself because he said so? LOL.
What she is doing does not make her damaged goods for a relationship. If the OP likes her, he should be happy for her that she's having a good time for herself for a change. Maybe she's not ready for a relationship now but that she's caught up in herself for a while doesn't mean she's selfish or a bad person. It could settle and become a really good relationship at some point since the compatibilities that the OP listed were good. Or, they will discover that they are not a match.
Instead, the OP wants to be judgmental. As if they are the authority. I hate traveling and think trips are a huge waste of money. I have friends that travel every chance they get. You know what I don't do? I don't tell them they are wasting their money." I tell them to enjoy and look forward to hearing about it. That's what grown ups do. A petulant child gets angry at someone for doing something that they personally have no interest in.
The most surprising part of the OP, and to me spoke volumes about them, was this idea that the person cannot even be a friend of theirs because they engage in an activity that the OP does not approve of. The gal should be the one running in the other direction.
The most surprising part of the OP, and to me spoke volumes about them, was this idea that the person cannot even be a friend of theirs because they engage in an activity that the OP does not approve of. The gal should be the one running in the other direction.
Bolded is my emphasis... that is it in a nutshell!
Not. even. a. friend.
So the OP asking if they should "pursue" is beyond ludicrous!
Is your concern about the amount of time she is away, the amount of money she is spending or a value judgment of what she is spending her money on?
People spend their money on many things I don't get but, if it's their money and it is not harmful, who am I to judge.
If it is about the amount of time she is away, then yes, she is not meeting your needs for time investment in the relationship.
If it's about the amount of money she is spending and you feel that would affect future financial goals (i.e., no retirement fund savings, etc.) of the relationship, I would move on. I could not be with someone who spends all their money on immediate gratification.
It appears that you look down on her for going to all these concerts at her age so that does not make for a good relationship.
Last edited by Maddie104; 07-15-2023 at 09:19 AM..
The chances of finding someone "perfectly" aligned with your life, expectations, and interests are next to zero. This is especially true as individuals age and have walked a completely different path than you.
So if the biggest hitch is her big interest in music and concerts, I think you are being a bit unrealistic. That is my opinion. A lot of the "pros" you listed about her come with a free-spirited individual; interests in music and hobbies come naturally for them. They are seemingly contradictory to the "cons" you outlined.
However, it is your choice.
Last edited by usayit; 07-15-2023 at 10:17 AM..
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