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I met someone that has some hard to find common interests. Personality wise I like her more than my ex-wife and past girlfriends. Some of the reasons are: very much into healthy eating (semi vegan), fitness, religious, has lived and traveled abroad, works in same field as me, likes 70s-90s musical artists, multi-ethnic, happy personality.
the reasons to move on; divorced twice, last marriage had abuse, easy & high spender, not a morning person, attends approx. 10 70s-90s bands concerts a month at age 50+ and will travel to see them up to 6 hrs away multiple nights if the band has a 3 day tour. I haven't done that many concerts in one year in my 20s. Told me she doesn't like to be told what to do in a conversation from out of nowhere. It felt like she was probably still upset at an ex or connected to him (abuse??). This leads me to think in previous relationships her guy did not like her addiction to see live bands every weekend or week night. Let me stress that she is a strict christian and won't engage in drugs, alcohol, pre or extramarital sex.
What's weird is the language fans use at concerts, drugs, alcohol, and extreme public displays of affection is very contradictory. I've met other christians or catholics (not on purpose...through work and leisure activities) and find their attitudes at times hypocritical to what they are taught to do, act, and who they are around.
Personally, I don't want any friend let alone GF who needs to attend weekly concerts. Especially if they've seen them previously or even recently. What can possibly be so new and surprising? Kind of like watching all the Seinfeld episodes or Fast & Furious movies again expecting something new.
LOL, ever hear of Dead heads? And followers of other bands who can't get enough.
It isn't unusual for a fan to see as many concerts as they can get in, even if the band plays the same sets. They will never be exactly the same, to these fans it's like a religious experience, and they get just as excited for every concert.
I wish I had gone to many more concerts in my younger years, I could have seen some of the greatest
modern music performances in history. I had the privilege of experiencing a few of them, and the memories are irreplaceable.
I am pretty conservative and I've seen some bad things happen at concerts. I'm not doing it though so why should I have to give up this music experience because of some misbehaving people. I've also experienced some really beautiful things with the crowd sharing the same vibe.
Heh, I could tell so many stories!
I could not do ten a month in my fifties though! That's just me. I also preferred the bands being younger too. But I paid some reallllly good money to see my favorite bands as they got older, before they retired or just got too old. I am so glad I did.
Midlifing though , people can be all over the place and is skittish as all hell , they turn into a different person, it's not only some men that go through it. l'd be thinking that this is what the op is seeing the whole picture, it's not only just the concert thing. l wouldn't call it judging as such just seeing other sides to her he doesn't like , doesn't feel are compatible welllll, that's fair enough that's what it's all about at the start right.
But me personally, all the concert stuff alone would be turning me right off anyway.
Don't think many women in their 50s would want their man out there partying up at concerts full of hotties going off all over the country side every 5mins, some might like it and go too, but l wouldn't imagine many would. Mine wouldn't that is for sure, nor ex w.
Bolded is my emphasis... that is it in a nutshell!
Not. even. a. friend.
So the OP asking if they should "pursue" is beyond ludicrous!
I was gonna say-- OP answered their own question IN their OP... nothing to see here, move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Twist
Why do you want to change her? How would you feel if she wanted to change you?
If you want a relationship with someone, make sure you like them as is, not a project.
Exactly. OP has said outright that things about her are a dealbreaker for them, so I'm not sure why they're still asking us if they should stay with her, when they themself have said the answer is no. I mean, them staying would mean either they would expect her to change or they'd have to. Neither sounds very realistic. (And I'm wondering if her saying nobody tells her what to do is because OP has already voiced their opinion on these concerts...)
That is true. You either like things about her or you don't.And really , however anyone wants to live, whatever the reason that doesn't really matter, it's up to them.
Bout it really.
I met someone that has some hard to find common interests. Personality wise I like her more than my ex-wife and past girlfriends. Some of the reasons are: very much into healthy eating (semi vegan), fitness, religious, has lived and traveled abroad, works in same field as me, likes 70s-90s musical artists, multi-ethnic, happy personality.
the reasons to move on; divorced twice, last marriage had abuse, easy & high spender, not a morning person, attends approx. 10 70s-90s bands concerts a month at age 50+ and will travel to see them up to 6 hrs away multiple nights if the band has a 3 day tour. I haven't done that many concerts in one year in my 20s. Told me she doesn't like to be told what to do in a conversation from out of nowhere. It felt like she was probably still upset at an ex or connected to him (abuse??). This leads me to think in previous relationships her guy did not like her addiction to see live bands every weekend or week night. Let me stress that she is a strict christian and won't engage in drugs, alcohol, pre or extramarital sex.
What's weird is the language fans use at concerts, drugs, alcohol, and extreme public displays of affection is very contradictory. I've met other christians or catholics (not on purpose...through work and leisure activities) and find their attitudes at times hypocritical to what they are taught to do, act, and who they are around.
Personally, I don't want any friend let alone GF who needs to attend weekly concerts. Especially if they've seen them previously or even recently. What can possibly be so new and surprising? Kind of like watching all the Seinfeld episodes or Fast & Furious movies again expecting something new.
That's what she enjoys and if that's a problem for you, then maybe you're just not a s compatible as you thought.
If you like everything about her except for the fact she’s out at some concert every other night - befriend her, and wait and see. To me this sounds like a phase and she will soon get tired of all of those shows, and stabilize towards something more normal, like say 1 show a month
Talk to her too, maybe an ex was against concerts and now she’s making up for lost time. This will likely pass but given your opinion on her favorite activity, now is not the time to pursue a romantic relationship, just friendship.
She's going to be nothing but headaches down the line, not all completely there mentally.
LOL!
And the guy who's decided he can't even be friends with this lady (who, by the way, hasn't asked to be friends or anything else at this point) isn't going to be a headache? LOL, again.
The OP has a whole paragraphs of complaints.... he just needs to move on.
Not to mention, while OP's waiting around hoping she'll change, she might meet someone else who doesn't expect her to change, or simply stop being into OP. Or maybe OP will miss out on someone *they're* more compatible with.
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