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I've spoken so much on my last post and wasn't prepared for the devastating news we would receive. I believe this is the very first hardship life has given us in our marriage. Meanwhile my exams were good and I'm a fertile 25 year-old woman, my husband will NEVER be able to naturally impregnate me.
He has tested his sperm count 3 times and each time it was at zero count so another appointment was set up with an urologist. The reason for his lack of sperm is because he has the condition called CBAVD. It's a bilateral absence of the vas deferens. Supposedly all he would've needed is medical intervention to transfer his sperm and get me pregnant right? Well yes but there is yet another bad news.
Besides the fact that it's expensive, invasive procedure and we're not rich (I can help out though), his condition is caused by a mutation of a gene and there is a higher chance of our child having cystic fibrosis. So on top of him not being able to impregant me unless through surgery, it can still be unsuccessful since we don't always get pregnant on the first attempt, there is a chance our child won't be healthy. Once all this was explained, my husband still asked if this meant he'll never be able to naturally get me pregnant and the doctor confirmed it. For several moments my husband remained silent and excused himself. He stepped out of the office for some time before coming and saying ''I'm sorry Sarah''.
I feel life is cruel sometimes to people that don't deserve it. He respected my timeframe and goals, it was my first time during our engagement (2-3 months shy of our wedding) and we agreed to conceiving asap but now this happens. He feels so heartbroken. On my previous post I even calculated I would be 26 with my first child but now things have been postponed until we find a resolution. He's still devastated to think about solutions at this moment though. We haven't told anyone in the family at all. I think he was crying in private because his eyes were a bit puffy yesterday but he won't show that emotion. How can life be so cruel? Why?
Prayers for you and your husband.
It's a loss and you go thru a grieving process (and it takes time) when you have high hopes and plans that don't come out as expected. You'll go thru other losses and grieving in your life too.
Life can and will be good again for both you and your husband. It might be different than what you thought it would be, but it can be meaningful, worthwhile, and very good. Hug each other, support each other, and maybe even see a therapist about your grief and feelings. Sounds like you guys are going thru a lot.
It also sounds like you have some good options to consider and look at /pursue.
This is 28 years ago, but for me when we were trying to get pregnant it turned out that DH had a low sperm count probably caused from allergy medications that he took as a child that more than one doctor didn't want to put him on, but other things weren't working. We did a few things and he took a med to try to up sperm count, but that didn't seem to work, and we didn't pursue it that far. DH sort of had the thought that a low sperm count meant that maybe he wasn't supposed to biologically have a child, and I didn't want to push him/put pressure on him to do more on the medical side. There have been tons of advances on the medical side though and that's probably an easier path than adopting these day. In our case we ended up adopting our son who is an absolute joy to us (He's 27 now, lives 16 minutes away from us, and is getting married next year), and I can't now even imagine life without him or having taken any other path. I can't imagine loving a child more or being closer to a child than we are to him. I'm so proud of what a kind, caring, wonderful young man he is. There is a 35 year age difference between me and my son, but these days now and when he was growing up it wasn't a big deal with people being healthy / active etc. People start families at all different ages, and I never even felt like I was an older parent. I'm just saying, you are young, and time is on your side too.
There are many unexpected paths that life can take and I wish you and your husband all the best.
As I certainly understand your disappointment and heartbreak, life is what you make it. You can sit around and feel sorry for yourselves (rightfully so... for a little while) then you can look around at the cruelty dished out to others that far outweighs not being able to conceive your husband's child.
Let's see. My best friend's son was killed on his 17th birthday on the way to get his gift from his Dad. My other friend lost a 21 year old son to an overdose of Fentenol, after years of drug abuse. My sister gave birth to an 8 lb bouncing baby boy that died two days later. Children are born with cancer or develop it later. Accidents happen. Things happen. There is no way to put a value on the horrors that life sometimes dishes out. But there is one thing we can do. Accept what you can't change. Move to plan B. What you don't realize is that God's plan for you and your husband is something else, something different and something better in the long run.
I'm quite sure you will end up with a child that brings more joy and more pride than anything in the world. But, at the same time, this child will have been blessed beyond measure to have you and your husband as a parent. Trust God, pray for peace, understanding and for Him to send a child of HIS choice to you. Be diligent. You will soon be blessed.
Yeah, life is cruel to many people.
My late mother was shunned away b/c she fell in love with her handsome uncle. They had eight children. And her uncle / illegible "husband" committed to suicide when she was 40. We were growing up in an extreme poverty, often did not have enough food to eat, nice clothes to wear... The oldest sister had to take care of seven younger brothers and sister. She hated it so much. I would not blame her. I would hate that too.
My uncle (mom's brother) and his wife were well educated, had good jobs and stable finance. They had only one son. The son was like a perfect kid. He always listened to his parents to most of everything. He got A's in most of subjects from grade one to twelve. He got accepted into a prestigious university. The parents rewarded him with a trip to New Zealand for skiing b/c he loved skiing. He went there before going to university, and got into an accident and died. His mom became mental afterward.
Many people wish to have children. And when the children grow up, they give the parents lots of troubles. Or many people give birth to disable children, unfortunately. That makes it hard for both parents and the children for the whole life.
Nowadays, lots of people don't want to have children on purpose.
The answer is off course yes. It's not something he had any control over. Leaving someone for that reason seems cruel.
Who mentioned about leaving someone for 'that reason'? You said that yourself.
Take the advice of Worldklas (poster #14). Be thankful and grateful to have a good husband, not a sperm shooter/spreader to give you babies. And if or when you have children, and you face hardship with them, don't complain and run away.
Be thankful and grateful to have a good husband, not a sperm shooter/spreader to give you babies. And if or when you have children, and you face hardship with them, don't complain and run away.
May I ask…are your girls OK? I know of two families who adopted children from Russia and they both have issues, assumed to be fetal alcohol syndrome.
Our youngest (17 years old now) has been more of a challenge. She tends to be impulsive and cares WAY too much about what her peers think and act. She is talented musically and athletically and carries a 3.3 gpa, and is a very giving girl (wants to be a nurse). We hope once she leaves the cesspool called high school that a lot of dumb stuff she does will fall by the wayside.
I think it would be way harder to find another person that loves you and that you love then it would do figure out how to do have a child even if it's a less traditional way.
Haha. Nope. Absolutely not. Don't care to be. Don't want to be. Just AOC. LOL. Can be kind, sweet and soft sometimes. Can be very tough some other time. Often feel thankful, grateful and happy for nice little things. Don't want or care to be a whiner, an attention seeker or a clever A.
...If you think life is cruel now, it can get MUCH worse. Look around at other forums where instead of a sperm count problem the spouse has months to live from terminal illness or just had a stroke or accident one day...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bootsamillion
As I certainly understand your disappointment and heartbreak, life is what you make it. You can sit around and feel sorry for yourselves (rightfully so... for a little while) then you can look around at the cruelty dished out to others that far outweighs not being able to conceive your husband's child.
Let's see. My best friend's son was killed on his 17th birthday on the way to get his gift from his Dad. My other friend lost a 21 year old son to an overdose of Fentenol, after years of drug abuse. My sister gave birth to an 8 lb bouncing baby boy that died two days later. Children are born with cancer or develop it later. Accidents happen. Things happen. There is no way to put a value on the horrors that life sometimes dishes out. But there is one thing we can do. Accept what you can't change. Move to plan B...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
Life IS cruel and unfair. Accept that first, and then check out what your options are.
OP: Very sorry to hear of your misfortune. I wish you well. Maybe in 10 years from now, there will be another treatment option that will give you the family you yearn for.
As for life being cruel, what you experienced pales in comparison to what many others have experienced. A couple of times I've experienced suffering that may make your blood curdle.
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