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I understand what you're saying, but isn't that assuming he KNOWS I like him. He might be thinking I'm just asking him to do lots of stuff. There have been 5 emails since around mid-November, I'm not talking bombardment here imo.
In one email I did thank him and put "you're the best"starry eyed face and then wink face. I thought this would show I liked him. I did this because one time he got me some equipment and I hadn't thanked him and he emailed me to get a thank you.
It's just lately I've emailed him more. I usually put in about 5 IT requests per year and he's on another floor so I don't think it would be awkward. If he didn't like me I would be OK.... I just wondered if you thought he would get that I liked him from what's played out and if he is rejecting me already.
What we're telling you is that if a man is into a woman, unless he's one of those shy types who's afraid to talk to her, it's often very obvious. He wouldn't be ignoring your emails. He might be seeking you out. Etc. Dudes are not always subtle about this kind of thing, and in some cases may not even realize they're not. I mean, you're trying to give him signals that you're into him, but is he giving you signals that he's into you, regardless of what you're telegraphing?
If you need it to be that obvious, then yes, just ask him out and take your chances. That's all you can do. Emailing him about work-related stuff isn't going to send any kind of "interest" message-- if one of my coworkers contacts me a lot about work stuff, I just think he's needy. Have you ever initiated any conversations about things *not* about work? When you're standing at his desk because he ignored your email, do you ask him how his weekend was or did he watch this new show or does he have pets?
But you've not yet answered the questions: what if he rejects you-- will you still be able to work with him? What if the two of you start dating and then one of you ends it? What if it ends badly? Is it going to make things awkward around the office, where you can't even avoid each other because you're going to need IT services and he is required to help you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
How old are you?
You did this in a business email?
Eh, some businesses are more informal with email. Where I work, jokes fly around, practical jokes, personal conversations, etc. (Hell, I've had many people tell me I'm "the best" in various ways, when I've helped them with something-- and none of them are hitting on me.) It depends on the particular workplace. Without knowing their workplace culture, I'm not going to condemn this.
He used to email me back and he used to call me ... around September time this year this was.
It's just this time, it's different. we have known each other a couple of years and nothing has happened, but he has always responded and been friendly. i would not expect him to show interest suddenly after this time. But the not replying to emails I just don't get and I find it a bit annoying. Even though I like to see him!, I do really need a reply to my work questions which is why I then call him. I don't get what the big deal is... it's work related. I don't understand why that is so annoying... unless he is work shy. Here's an email example:
Hi
Are you here today?? I have a couple of jobs for you please
Kind regards,
I too have been told I am the best and it has meant nothing, I just assume that person says it to everybody. Our workplace is very relaxed and he has sent emojis to me before in emails, everybody does it.
I guess from this I was hoping for an opinion from everyone as to whether you thought I had made it obvious that I liked him. Because if you think I have, then I don't think from your replies that he is interested and I won't approach him.
But if the majority think I haven't done this, then going by my last meeting with him when I tried badly to flirt, which I know now I shouldn't have done (I did slap him on the knee) I think maybe he is open at least to some banter.
I do agree that I need to find out if he is taken...
As he works on a different floor and I put in a minimal amount of IT requests, I do not think it would be awkward and I could ask my team to contact him directly regarding queries rather than through me. He did say I was like a mother hen with all the emails (all 5) I know I could take a risk, but when I did that once before in my past, it didn't turn out well and I wanted to do this differently... hence the flirting attempt. I think my confidence has gone down thinking I have annoyed him.
Last edited by Sweet Cicely; 12-09-2023 at 01:21 PM..
Reason: correction
As to figuring out if this guy has yet figured out that you like him, it's tough to say. You have only sent 5 emails, so he might not have figured it out yet. Depending on the company culture the messages you sent might or might not be part the general bantering and joking among colleagues or it might be a bit much.
Given how much you like this guy, I would just ask him out. 'You know I like you, can I take you out for lunch?'
That makes your intentions crystal clear. You will get a clear yes or no.
If you think about what drives you nuts and what gets people in trouble for sexual harassment, it's not the times a guy asked you out and you gave a clear yes or no, but the times guys pussyfooted around about their intentions and kept persisting when you weren't interested because he still couldn't figure out whether or not you were interested because he wasn't sure if you knew he was interested.
I agree, it's driven me crazy. Going on most people's advice, I am going to let it go. I won't contact him again and will re-direct the team to contact him directly. I can't risk my self worth by chasing him any more. I'm sure he does have an idea I like him and he isn't emailing me back anymore, for reasons I don't know. I wasn't interested for two years myself, so can't blame him if he isn't now. Thanks everyone for your advice and kind words
Not really, just that as I got to know him more, I found we like some of the same stuff, from the same generation and I felt a connection...I feel very comfortable with him, which is a biggy for me...
When you ask for advice you're usually going to get different opinions. My advice is that life is short so if you're interested in someone let them know. Be direct. If you don't try you will never know. If he's not interested there's no need to be embarrassed. Be proud of yourself for having taken a chance. Ask him out for coffee or if he'd like to have lunch with you at lunch break. Take a chance.
This to me is the best advice yet. As a guy (yes older, but still), I would appreciate that approach. I always had trouble making the first move, I lacked self confidence when I was younger.
I think Michael said it perfectly... life is short so take a chance. Be proud of this new approach and build self confidence no matter the result. If you stop being so hard on yourself you can begin to come out of your shell and, if this doesn't work out, not be so hesitant next time.
I personally would be flattered no matter whether I was interested or not. And if he is not, just continue to interact with him in the same manner you are now, so nothing changes (or becomes awkward) and maybe you also added another friendly colleague.
Make your glass half full. Life is so much more fun that way.
i think michael said it perfectly... Life is short so take a chance.
OK, I will.
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I think my confidence has gone down thinking I have annoyed him.
