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Honestly when I was dating my motivations weren't financial at all. I wanted to date the most compatible woman for me and I didn't care about how much she made.
Looking back, I think it was a major oversight on my behalf. My wife now works; however, she makes about 1/3 of what I do and I do feel pressure as the majority bread earner. I often think how great it would be to be partnered with someone who makes nearly as much or even more than I do, essentially doubling the family income. While I don't care much about the crap the extra money could buy, I do daydream about retiring early and traveling more and more income would help both of those happen sooner and/or more often.
In your case, if you're working a customer service job you likely do not have a college degree so your best bet will be kicking butt at that job and getting promoted into a managerial role. I've worked with folks who don't have college degrees but have worked for the same company for 20+ years and have done well for themselves professionally which equates to higher compensation.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
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OP,
It's a legitimate concern. For all the talk of equality and feminism, a man's desirability still largely depends on his ability to provide and protect for his family.
I do think, however, you're looking at it from a wrong standpoint. Your entire premise is that: a.) this is bad, and b.) you'll never be able to do it. Change that mindset, and your results will change--most likely.
When I saw your thread title, I actually thought about a number of young men I met in Colorado, and my own two sons in their early 20s, who seem adrift in terms of any kind of professional ambition or aspiration, who dropped out of college and just don't really know what they are doing with their lives. One of my sons does have a long term girlfriend who partially supports him, both get support from me, and the other also leans on his Dad. Many of the ones I had met otherwise were stoners...the legal weed in CO is no joke.
What bugs me is that there's a double standard that a woman who wants to be a stay at home partner feels supported by tradition in asking for that, but men get trashed for it. Maybe anyone who wants to be a dependent who doesn't pull their weight should be trashed for mooching, and anyone who is willing to step up and make the most of their resources to benefit the household should be respected for that, and the details of who is doing what be damned so long as everyone is OK with the terms and it's working out.
But to address more directly your question, one way that my ex and I got by in times when our income was not really cutting it with our expenses, is that we ran up debt...then when times were better for one reason or another or we got some sort of a windfall, we paid it down. It's not the best way to live by a long shot but it's how a lot of folks survive and keep their kids provided for.
Honestly when I was dating my motivations weren't financial at all. I wanted to date the most compatible woman for me and I didn't care about how much she made.
Looking back, I think it was a major oversight on my behalf. My wife now works; however, she makes about 1/3 of what I do and I do feel pressure as the majority bread earner. I often think how great it would be to be partnered with someone who makes nearly as much or even more than I do, essentially doubling the family income. While I don't care much about the crap the extra money could buy, I do daydream about retiring early and traveling more and more income would help both of those happen sooner and/or more often.
In your case, if you're working a customer service job you likely do not have a college degree so your best bet will be kicking butt at that job and getting promoted into a managerial role. I've worked with folks who don't have college degrees but have worked for the same company for 20+ years and have done well for themselves professionally which equates to higher compensation.
That or move the hell out of CA!!!
That is the extra crap money can buy.
Does your wife know that you believe you made an oversight in choosing a lower earner than you to marry and that you think of how great it would be to be partnered with someone who makes more money so you could live a different lifestyle?
How do you know she's "lazy"?
You are making all kinds of assumptions.
This person I had a number of questions had no desire to work and I had to ask questions like
“ Do you have a plan if things don’t work out with your partner”?
“ you never had the motivation to work? What are u gunna do if ur parents aren’t around anymore?”
“ if your partner is disabled or can’t work one day , what’s your plan?
Gotta think about these things but was too busy just saying things like oh I don’t know how to do anything or well I never though of it I am just hoping whoever becomes my partner can support me to the fullest.
It's a legitimate concern. For all the talk of equality and feminism, a man's desirability still largely depends on his ability to provide and protect for his family.
I do think, however, you're looking at it from a wrong standpoint. Your entire premise is that: a.) this is bad, and b.) you'll never be able to do it. Change that mindset, and your results will change--most likely.
A) I think with rising grocery prices , gas and just about everything goes up while wages can bearly keep up with inflation isn’t really as easy as it seems. Bad ? It is bad if you just make an average living which is the case for most people.
B) can it be done ? Technically yes sure , but less to save , less of everything else extra and certainly no chance to save up for a house . And if kids are in the picture? Yeah forget it! If you have a six figure job or business? Sure I don’t see why that’s not doable
But what irks me is just how clueless some people can be about that.
Does your wife know that you believe you made an oversight in choosing a lower earner than you to marry and that you think of how great it would be to be partnered with someone who makes more money so you could live a different lifestyle?
Yes, I berate her multiple times each day for not rising up to my high standards for her compensation.
A) I think with rising grocery prices , gas and just about everything goes up while wages can bearly keep up with inflation isn’t really as easy as it seems. Bad ? It is bad if you just make an average living which is the case for most people.
B) can it be done ? Technically yes sure , but less to save , less of everything else extra and certainly no chance to save up for a house . And if kids are in the picture? Yeah forget it! If you have a six figure job or business? Sure I don’t see why that’s not doable
But what irks me is just how clueless some people can be about that.
Think about all of this as a kind of negotiation, OK? Like haggling over selling something, like a job interview, like anything.
Are there people who have unrealistic expectations and who ask for unrealistic things? Heck yes. We could probably find loads of stuff listed on Ebay for completely bonkers prices right? You could go into a job interview and ask for a 3 day work week with 2 months of vacation a year, full benefits and a company car. You can ask for whatever you want.
Doesn't mean you're gonna get it.
And any person who goes around with unrealistic expectations, well...maybe they get their dream life eventually (not super likely) or maybe they adjust their standards in time, or maybe they just go on not getting what they want and whining about it. /shrug. You can't control other people, man. Some of 'em are silly. What are you gonna do, but move on and keep looking, eh?
Maybe consider where you are meeting women who want to be taken care of, and ponder where you could meet women who are more on your level and the type you'd prefer to date. Women with careers and such. So long as you don't expect them to become your domestic servant AND bring home the bacon, you shouldn't have too much trouble, plenty of women work and support ourselves.
Although...those women, if they really have their act together, may raise an eyebrow if you tell them that you live with your parents. Just sayin'. If you don't want a dependent, they probably don't either and that's only fair.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,069,146 times
Reputation: 4478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert473
A) I think with rising grocery prices , gas and just about everything goes up while wages can bearly keep up with inflation isn’t really as easy as it seems. Bad ? It is bad if you just make an average living which is the case for most people.
B) can it be done ? Technically yes sure , but less to save , less of everything else extra and certainly no chance to save up for a house . And if kids are in the picture? Yeah forget it! If you have a six figure job or business? Sure I don’t see why that’s not doable
But what irks me is just how clueless some people can be about that.
I'm not talking about necessarily making it work on your current income. I'm talking about you increasing your earning power so that one day you'll be able to do it.
Think about all of this as a kind of negotiation, OK? Like haggling over selling something, like a job interview, like anything.
Are there people who have unrealistic expectations and who ask for unrealistic things? Heck yes. We could probably find loads of stuff listed on Ebay for completely bonkers prices right? You could go into a job interview and ask for a 3 day work week with 2 months of vacation a year, full benefits and a company car. You can ask for whatever you want.
Doesn't mean you're gonna get it.
And any person who goes around with unrealistic expectations, well...maybe they get their dream life eventually (not super likely) or maybe they adjust their standards in time, or maybe they just go on not getting what they want and whining about it. /shrug. You can't control other people, man. Some of 'em are silly. What are you gonna do, but move on and keep looking, eh?
Maybe consider where you are meeting women who want to be taken care of, and ponder where you could meet women who are more on your level and the type you'd prefer to date. Women with careers and such. So long as you don't expect them to become your domestic servant AND bring home the bacon, you shouldn't have too much trouble, plenty of women work and support ourselves.
Although...those women, if they really have their act together, may raise an eyebrow if you tell them that you live with your parents. Just sayin'. If you don't want a dependent, they probably don't either and that's only fair.
Half of what I earn would be going to rent if I left my parents house though that’s the problem. Rent on Average is 1500$ monthly where I live if I decide to go anywhere else. California is a tough place overall if ur not a high earner but that’s the point I’m making. This isn’t the case for everyone
Because I work for a school it’s obvious your earnings wouldn’t be as good as other possibly but in a way I love the job I work at so it’s not easy to leave. Plus anywhere else is more tough
I make that clear to anyone but it wouldn’t surprise me to see grown adults live with their parents due to the high cost of living.
If ur living on ur own even that can quickly get expensive. But if that’s expensive as is already I just don’t see how its realistic to support a spouse that wants to be taken care for most of her life and this is before kids are being discussed why is why I question how the hell do couples like that make it work?
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