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This person I had a number of questions had no desire to work and I had to ask questions like
“ Do you have a plan if things don’t work out with your partner”?
“ you never had the motivation to work? What are u gunna do if ur parents aren’t around anymore?”
“ if your partner is disabled or can’t work one day , what’s your plan?
Gotta think about these things but was too busy just saying things like oh I don’t know how to do anything or well I never though of it I am just hoping whoever becomes my partner can support me to the fullest.
Was this a date or an interview for a second paycheck?
Honestly when I was dating my motivations weren't financial at all. I wanted to date the most compatible woman for me and I didn't care about how much she made.
Looking back, I think it was a major oversight on my behalf. My wife now works; however, she makes about 1/3 of what I do and I do feel pressure as the majority bread earner. I often think how great it would be to be partnered with someone who makes nearly as much or even more than I do, essentially doubling the family income. While I don't care much about the crap the extra money could buy, I do daydream about retiring early and traveling more and more income would help both of those happen sooner and/or more often.
In your case, if you're working a customer service job you likely do not have a college degree so your best bet will be kicking butt at that job and getting promoted into a managerial role. I've worked with folks who don't have college degrees but have worked for the same company for 20+ years and have done well for themselves professionally which equates to higher compensation.
Half of what I earn would be going to rent if I left my parents house though that’s the problem. Rent on Average is 1500$ monthly where I live if I decide to go anywhere else. California is a tough place overall if ur not a high earner but that’s the point I’m making. This isn’t the case for everyone
Because I work for a school it’s obvious your earnings wouldn’t be as good as other possibly but in a way I love the job I work at so it’s not easy to leave. Plus anywhere else is more tough
I make that clear to anyone but it wouldn’t surprise me to see grown adults live with their parents due to the high cost of living.
If ur living on ur own even that can quickly get expensive. But if that’s expensive as is already I just don’t see how its realistic to support a spouse that wants to be taken care for most of her life and this is before kids are being discussed why is why I question how the hell do couples like that make it work?
And what keeps you from improving your job skills to get into a better sitution financially? Your parents are supporting you and you like your job.
It goes both ways. Two of my sisters had husbands they supported. Sometimes the husbands would get jobs for short periods of time but they never stayed employed for long. I think a lot of people would prefer not to work, they are just realistic enough to know it's not an option.
The woman OP had a date with is fishing in the wrong pond if she's looking to be a kept woman. OP doesn't make it sound like she wants to be a SHW because she wants children and feels it will be better for them being raised by their parents instead of babysitters. Focusing on doing it for the benefit of family is a lot different than just not wanting to work. Realizing that she will need to work to keep expenses low and wants will have to be sacrificed for it needs to come in to play. He doesn't make his date sound very bright.
This person I had a number of questions had no desire to work and I had to ask questions like
“ Do you have a plan if things don’t work out with your partner”?
“ you never had the motivation to work? What are u gunna do if ur parents aren’t around anymore?”
“ if your partner is disabled or can’t work one day , what’s your plan?
Gotta think about these things but was too busy just saying things like oh I don’t know how to do anything or well I never though of it I am just hoping whoever becomes my partner can support me to the fullest.
Then she is dumb. Are you meeting many other woman with no plan and no forethought who don't know how to do anything? Never had any jobs? That is different than those who would prefer a traditional marriage with husband supporting the family, but this needs to be carefully thought out and planned. Your questions are totally reasonable.
Honestly when I was dating my motivations weren't financial at all. I wanted to date the most compatible woman for me and I didn't care about how much she made.
Looking back, I think it was a major oversight on my behalf. My wife now works; however, she makes about 1/3 of what I do and I do feel pressure as the majority bread earner. I often think how great it would be to be partnered with someone who makes nearly as much or even more than I do, essentially doubling the family income. While I don't care much about the crap the extra money could buy, I do daydream about retiring early and traveling more and more income would help both of those happen sooner and/or more often.
US popular culture bizarrely finds this unacceptable. The memo I got from my parents was to complete my education, get my career launched, and then start dating people who are my socioeconomic equal. It acknowledges the reality that a marriage is also an economic union. We live in a dual income universe. For housing, we all compete against dual income couples. With the low birth rate, an awful lot of them will be zero or one child. You will accrue much more wealth. When retirement comes, you both have significant retirement savings and larger Social Security checks. Money is an enormous stress on relationships. Why introduce that as a stress point? There are plenty of others.
So my take on this thread is that I’d rather not be someone’s meal ticket. I’m going to filter for that early in the relationship as a metric weighted fairly evenly with a bunch of others. Top-10% individual income starts at $135k. A couple both making that is going to have a significantly better financial outcome than someone making $135k married to someone making $30k.
As do several posters here who clearly have taken issue with my honesty about wishing my spouse made more money. Hell, I wish *I* made more money too.
That is not really how it came across in your post.
You stated you think about being with someone who made more money, not about you and your wife making more money as a couple. You said nothing about earning more yourself but put it on your wife.
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