Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Let’s all get one thing straight . California is a high cost of living state as most of you know and maybe it’s just the kind of ladies I encounter but there have been a rise or scary amount of people looking for a partner to fully support them financially - in others words a sugar daddy or maybe not unless you both come to terms only one of you ( man or lady) will be working full time - you will be the primary provider
Now don’t get me wrong - I know there are people out there like this and are fine but I mean geez how do you guys do it? How do you suppose a spouse ( man or woman ) with just a single income nowadays with cost creep and inflation and general wages - and especially with kids in the picture? What happens if you lose your job? What happens if you guys break up and the other one hasn’t been in the workforce in a long time ?
I know going on a date and all is dandy and sure u spend on a date a certain amount and with gifts and all but I’m talking about either married couples or relationships where couples are official and know or willingly will support a spouse to the fullest and the other one stays home
If anyone here is a single income spouse family who fully support a spouse with or without kids ? My question is either how do you guys make it work ? What jobs do you guys work that allows that ? Has it been easy or hard ? Financial wise have you guys been ok? Any big changes u had to make ?
Do you wish to find a spouse that fully supports you financially?
The reason I ask is because I just find that kind of relationship nowadays hard to make work and don’t bother with such because my income for California isn’t that high . I’m at 62k just for help desk . Livable ? Sure and to go out on dates and have a working partner ever better if no kids
To support a spouse with kids ( or not ) kinda sounds tough while not saving much. Overtime? Sure but do I wanna be working overtime most of my life ? Not really
Get promoted ? Sure but isn’t always guaranteed to happen
The reason I ask too is because my most recent date was laying it down she was looking for a husband to take care of her cuz she sees the man as the primary provider and the lady to stay home and care for the house and kids if any. But I was just flat out honest I can’t provide that lifestyle with the cost of living crushing me down. I recently move back home with my family too because rent is nuts in California and better I stay close with my family
Well, it's better that they be upfront about it, than tell the guy after they're married that they're quitting their job to start a family. I knew a guy in CA that happened to. It didn't work out; he couldn't support a family all on his own, and he told her that. They got divorced. I also knew a guy in Seattle whose long-term partner suddenly insisted on marriage, and then after that, she claimed she had an "oops" pregnancy, and said she was quitting her job (she was the higher earner of the two), and expected him to carry all the expenses. Then she had a second "oops". It was clear she'd planned this in advance without tell him or giving the matter a chance to be discussed.
They got along fine until she decided to scheme to exercise her mommy option. (They'd previously had a no-kids agreement for 10 years.) After that, there were constant fights about money, with her telling him to get a better job. And he'd respond by saying, that she was always the one with the better job, so she should go back to work and let him be the stay-at-home parent. Money was very tight in Seattle. They started growing their own food to cut expenses. They divorced after the kids hit college age.
So be glad your date told you up front she was looking for a free ride. Some women think their looks buy them that privilege. Was your date particularly good-looking?
I think sometimes the cost of childcare is such that it eats up so much of the income that one parent might as well stay home.
As for expecting to stay home with the kids.... some people want the old fashioned traditional marriage. But if that's what one wants they need to be looking for a spouse that thinks the same way. They also need to be realistic about whether they can afford it. You obviously can't, and if a woman was wanting that sort of relationship with you she obviously would be clueless about finances and not a good match.
My niece after looking at daycare costs is going to work part-time ( until kid is school age) and her partner that owns his own business is changing his hours so that their newborn will not need a babysitter.
On average a family of two needs a little over $76K/yr to cover expenses. That's roughly equivalent to a wage of about $36/hr. (Source: Forbes)
In California that could easily be double in a major city at least, and it doesn't cover student debt, etc.
I have mostly been sole earner throughout my adult life but I didn't have student debt (self-taught software developer) and I have avoided places like California like the plague. Most of my adult life was lived in an era when a middle class lifestyle was largely within reach of anyone with a profession and even, often, a blue-collar job (union). That era is now over, but I am fortunate to be at peak lifetime earnings and working past retirement because I support not only my retired wife but my disabled adult stepson. On paper, I could retire with enough income to support the three of us, but economic disaster would always be one medical emergency away ... so I keep on being a good old mule, as long as I can stand it, so we have more padding, just in case.
The unfortunate reality for women who believe in old-fashioned notions of being a full time homemaker is that it just isn't economically practical anymore, at least not with the "white picket fence" fantasy of a nice suburban lifestyle, with home ownership, nice cars, ballet lessons for the kids, etc. Not when a half dozen rich buttholes have as much wealth as everyone else. That wealth was pilfered from the American Dream.
Ruth is right, thank your lucky stars these women were at least honest.
Find people to date who will work alongside you to build a life together in which maybe it just might be possible raise, like, one kid, if that's your mutual desire. Because that's about all that's possible anymore, especially on the Left Coast. This is not your parent's world anymore. The chickens have come home to roost.
Honestly you'd be better off childless, economically speaking.
And yes, women exist who do not want children or are indifferent about it, or who would prefer them but have enough sense to understand that you don't always get what you want in life. They can find other outlets ... they can run a daycare and be a surrogate Mom and get paid for it, they can be the fun auntie or whatever.
Honesty is the best policy in relationships. Both people should be upfront about what they want. If someone wants kids they shouldn’t compromise on that because resentment will build and ruin the relationship.
Well, it's better that they be upfront about it, than tell the guy after they're married that they're quitting their job to start a family. I knew a guy in CA that happened to. It didn't work out; he couldn't support a family all on his own, and he told her that. They got divorced. I also knew a guy in Seattle whose long-term partner suddenly insisted on marriage, and then after that, she claimed she had an "oops" pregnancy, and said she was quitting her job (she was the higher earner of the two), and expected him to carry all the expenses. Then she had a second "oops". It was clear she'd planned this in advance without tell him or giving the matter a chance to be discussed.
They got along fine until she decided to scheme to exercise her mommy option. (They'd previously had a no-kids agreement for 10 years.) After that, there were constant fights about money, with her telling him to get a better job. And he'd respond by saying, that she was always the one with the better job, so she should go back to work and let him be the stay-at-home parent. Money was very tight in Seattle. They started growing their own food to cut expenses. They divorced after the kids hit college age.
So be glad your date told you up front she was looking for a free ride. Some women think their looks buy them that privilege. Was your date particularly good-looking?
Yea she was very attractive. Just looking for a husband to care for her for life though.
I just don’t understand how people think it’s so easy to pull that off with how cost of living is going though nowadays . Food, rent, date nights out, cars and me having the desire to one day have a home and travel constantly
Plus if we broke up ? What would happen then ? Alimony or palimony
Beautiful yeah but very lazy.
Sure there are men that make more than six figures but certainly that’s not the case for every gentleman
My cousin went through that. He married his high school sweetheart who was primed to teach school before they married. A baby came along soon afterwards and she quit working. He had a very good job and they lived in a beautiful home. He is a type A, naturally busy guy. She barely lifted a finger afterwards except to buy groceries and stay home with the child till he was in middle school. She didn’t clean or even care to decorate their home.
Not surprisingly, my cousin divorced her, saying she was lazy — she also got fat. He bought another house for her to live in where the son would be comfortable and still in the same upper middle class community. She wouldn’t return to teaching despite offers of assistance from her former in-laws to renew her certification. She worked in a dress shop and skated by on child support.
Once the child left for college, the mom couldn’t afford to rent or buy the house she’d be living in. My cousin kicked her out and she had to return to her parents.
It’s really a tragedy. I feel sorry for her because she is a nice person but she never got a grip on the real world. I don’t know if she had depression or was living in a state of denial. I’m not sure my cousin was right to do that, but he’d moved on.
If anyone here is a single income spouse family who fully support a spouse with or without kids ? My question is either how do you guys make it work ? What jobs do you guys work that allows that ? Has it been easy or hard ? Financial wise have you guys been ok? Any big changes u had to make ?
We both worked until I got pregnant.
The original plan was for me to stay at home until the youngest was in first grade (full time school).
But everyone, including my husband, like me being at home, so I stayed.
I did the chores, the errands, and the volunteering.
We chose to live in a LCOL area, and we are both are on the same page financially.
DH was able to do a little consulting... him consulting twice a month brought in more than I would make working full time.
It was neither easy nor hard... it just was. And most families in my neighborhood did the same.
(the PTO at my kids' elementary school of 600 students had 120+ parent volunteers!)
Yea she was very attractive. Just looking for a husband to care for her for life though.
I just don’t understand how people think it’s so easy to pull that off with how cost of living is going though nowadays . Food, rent, date nights out, cars and me having the desire to one day have a home and travel constantly
Plus if we broke up ? What would happen then ? Alimony or palimony
Beautiful yeah but very lazy.
Sure there are men that make more than six figures but certainly that’s not the case for every gentleman
How do you know she's "lazy"?
You are making all kinds of assumptions.
The young lady has her agenda and she laid it out. You are living with your parents. You can apply "lazy" depending on your point of view. What are you doing to improve your job skills thus marketability considering your current living arrangements? What is the actual plan?
We switched from time to time on who was the main bread winner.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
