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No not a good idea, my parents did that for us and I swore I would never do the same if I was in that position.
My parents didn't and I would never volunteer to do the same. My kids are the reason I'm not divorced now. Too bad we can't have it both ways and compare.
As a child of divorce, we faced financial difficulties and sharing our parents. I missed a lot compared to my friends who had both parents at home. Even those whose parents didn't get along. I would have traded places with them in a heart beat to have had both parents available all the time.
There is something to be said about parents who consider their children important enough to stay together for them.
My mom stayed with my dad for 17 years. She left when I was 13. So I endured 13 years of seeing their bad relationship and then had to endure their divorce. At the time, I was happy they divorced so I didn't have to hear them fight anymore. I am now 27 years old and horrible at relationships myself, which probably comes from growing up in an unhappy house. I am so afraid I am going to end up like them and I refuse to put a child though that. People need to think a little harder before they decide to reproduce.
Just curious what people think about couples who stay together for the kids. Do you think it's a good idea? When do you think they should/should not.
bad, bad, bad idea to stay together for the kids
because then EVERYONE is made miserable: both adults + x number of kids
my parents stayed together "for the kids" and all 4 of us were miserable
it sends so many unhealthy messages to the kids: "it's your fault we are all miserable" (kids are emotional barometers to anger, happiness, joy, misery, all of it); "life and marriage are meant to be miserable" along with "don't bother trying to be happy, just settle for misery, this is as good as it gets."
Resentment grows, misery grows, it is living hell.
At least in separate households there can be peace (not guaranteed, but in a "we are staying together for the kids" there is no peace or happiness and that IS a guarantee)
that is why i chose to leave my marriage rather than "stay together for the kids" because that is not what i believe about life for myself, nor is it the message i wanted to send my kids. That was 16 years ago and it has proven to be an excellent decision for me, and for my children
My mom stayed with my dad for 17 years. She left when I was 13. So I endured 13 years of seeing their bad relationship and then had to endure their divorce. At the time, I was happy they divorced so I didn't have to hear them fight anymore. I am now 27 years old and horrible at relationships myself, which probably comes from growing up in an unhappy house. I am so afraid I am going to end up like them and I refuse to put a child though that. People need to think a little harder before they decide to reproduce.
Talk about getting the worst of both worlds.
My parents divorced when I was a baby. I struggle with relationships (trust issues) as a result. I have to laugh when people claim a parent's subsequent relationship models a good relationship for the kids. I'm afraid I modeled my relationships after my parents not my mom and step dad or dad and step mom. I think the default is your own parents and if their relationship is dysfunctional, you're likely to continue the theme. If subsequent relationships mattered, the divorce rate wouldn't be so much higher for children of divorce.
You are wise to not have kids in a bad relationship.
Side question, why is staying together for the kids associated with fighting? You don't have to fight or be miserable. Those are choices. You can choose to peacefully coexist for the sake of the kids.
My mom stayed with my dad for 17 years. She left when I was 13. So I endured 13 years of seeing their bad relationship and then had to endure their divorce. At the time, I was happy they divorced so I didn't have to hear them fight anymore. I am now 27 years old and horrible at relationships myself, which probably comes from growing up in an unhappy house. I am so afraid I am going to end up like them and I refuse to put a child though that. People need to think a little harder before they decide to reproduce.
I so agree with this to some degree. I grew up with a father who was an alcoholic. There was nothing more that I wished for than for them to divorce. I remember begging my mother to get a divorce so we didn't have to go through all the crap. Things hit rock bottom as I graduated high school. They did end up divorcing but I remember wishing it had happened years earlier.
My parents didn't and I would never volunteer to do the same. My kids are the reason I'm not divorced now. Too bad we can't have it both ways and compare.
As a child of divorce, we faced financial difficulties and sharing our parents. I missed a lot compared to my friends who had both parents at home. Even those whose parents didn't get along. I would have traded places with them in a heart beat to have had both parents available all the time.
There is something to be said about parents who consider their children important enough to stay together for them.
My parents divorced when I was 18 - wish they had done it sooner. My opinion is that a child is better off with one happy parent even if they don't have two pennies to rub together than two miserable argueing parents and everything they want. Yes I have been in both situations.
I agree. My parents stayed together because it cost less. They are like roommates.
Quote:
Originally Posted by millie61
My parents divorced when I was 18 - wish they had done it sooner. My opinion is that a child is better off with one happy parent even if they don't have two pennies to rub together than two miserable argueing parents and everything they want. Yes I have been in both situations.
Great post! Thats so difficult. I always say..happiness is priceless! Divorce is best and healthier..the children will manage and eventually understand why mom and dad had to go their seperate ways. You want your children to grow up understanding the meaning of respect and what a healthy relationship is all about.
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