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I have a situation that I am totally perplexed by. Guys, girls, anyone who has any thoughts, please share! Thanks!
Here's the situation:
I'm friends with this guy (I'm female) from 2005 to the present. The whole time he wants to be more than friends. I am not interested, and he accepts that and we remain friends. We get closer over time, but still just as friends, just very good friends. We both work in the same field, so we have a lot in common with that, plus we share many common interests. He tries many more times to date me (never any physical moves) but asks many times over the course of three years. I always say no for a number of reasons. Mainly I didn't want to mess up our great friendship. So finally this past April, he says he is trying for the last time, brought me flowers and just really gave it his all in asking me to please give him a chance. So I thought it over and say what the hell? Why not? He's a great person, I'll try it and see what happens.
So we start dating, and everything is magical and really great. It's like our friendship times 1000! So I'm thrilled and very happy that I gave him a chance! So he immediately intro's me to his entire (and I do mean entire) family. Then tells me that he not only loves me, but is in love with me and thinks we are meant to be and wants to move in together and eventually sees himself marrying me. Now all this time I am thinking he is moving a little quick...but go with it, since I know him so well. I thought, hey, maybe this is it!...
So then he gets a job offer and takes it...the job is 2 hours away, so he moves to the next state. Ok that sucks, but it's still doable right? So we try the long distance thing. First it's ok...I get the "I miss you/love you/wish you were here" texts, emails, phone calls....so it's ok. I go visit him twice....then all of a sudden....no more calls, texts, emails....then occasion texts that say something like "hey, how are you?" So I feel very strange, upset and confused....I ask him about it. He gets upset that I'm asking, and says he is very overwhelmed with his new life and new career. He also says that he may have said things too soon that he didn't feel yet, and apologizes for giving me mixed signals and says he finds me less attractive because he didn't realize I had invested so much in the relationship.....but yet still wants to continue the relationship while he figures out whether he wants to or not??????????? So I said no to that! I said you figure out what you need to do. We'll go back to being friends, and perhaps try this another time when we are both at different areas in our life.... I don't get it! The guy chased me for THREE years!!!!
Ok, I don't get it? What did I do? Why did he say all of those things right away and then pull away once he moved? I highly doubt there is another woman involved...he doesn't have time for that, and I just doubt it. A lil help please?! I hope I provided enough details....I feel like there is so much more to the story, but I don't want to go on forever! Thanks for any and all input and thoughts!!
he's found new stores with interesting new merchandise and wants to window shop.
This is a posssible. He may also be reluctant to do the long distance relationship thing. Some men have a hard time breaking it off with a woman. I know I was alway a little chicken sh*t, half the time I waited for them to dump me
I have a situation that I am totally perplexed by. Guys, girls, anyone who has any thoughts, please share! Thanks!
Here's the situation:
I'm friends with this guy (I'm female) from 2005 to the present. The whole time he wants to be more than friends. I am not interested, and he accepts that and we remain friends. We get closer over time, but still just as friends, just very good friends. We both work in the same field, so we have a lot in common with that, plus we share many common interests. He tries many more times to date me (never any physical moves) but asks many times over the course of three years. I always say no for a number of reasons. Mainly I didn't want to mess up our great friendship. So finally this past April, he says he is trying for the last time, brought me flowers and just really gave it his all in asking me to please give him a chance. So I thought it over and say what the hell? Why not? He's a great person, I'll try it and see what happens.
So we start dating, and everything is magical and really great. It's like our friendship times 1000! So I'm thrilled and very happy that I gave him a chance! So he immediately intro's me to his entire (and I do mean entire) family. Then tells me that he not only loves me, but is in love with me and thinks we are meant to be and wants to move in together and eventually sees himself marrying me. Now all this time I am thinking he is moving a little quick...but go with it, since I know him so well. I thought, hey, maybe this is it!...
So then he gets a job offer and takes it...the job is 2 hours away, so he moves to the next state. Ok that sucks, but it's still doable right? So we try the long distance thing. First it's ok...I get the "I miss you/love you/wish you were here" texts, emails, phone calls....so it's ok. I go visit him twice....then all of a sudden....no more calls, texts, emails....then occasion texts that say something like "hey, how are you?" So I feel very strange, upset and confused....I ask him about it. He gets upset that I'm asking, and says he is very overwhelmed with his new life and new career. He also says that he may have said things too soon that he didn't feel yet, and apologizes for giving me mixed signals and says he finds me less attractive because he didn't realize I had invested so much in the relationship.....but yet still wants to continue the relationship while he figures out whether he wants to or not??????????? So I said no to that! I said you figure out what you need to do. We'll go back to being friends, and perhaps try this another time when we are both at different areas in our life.... I don't get it! The guy chased me for THREE years!!!!
Ok, I don't get it? What did I do? Why did he say all of those things right away and then pull away once he moved? I highly doubt there is another woman involved...he doesn't have time for that, and I just doubt it. A lil help please?! I hope I provided enough details....I feel like there is so much more to the story, but I don't want to go on forever! Thanks for any and all input and thoughts!!
You didn't "do" anything - other than you ended the chase by finally giving in
Look, there are some guys out there who are very emotionally immature - they aren't always easy to recognize because they look like full grown, responsible men. The truth is, these kinds of guys are only turned on by the pursuit - the thought of having something someone is trying to deny them. Once they win the battle and the pursuit ends the game is over and they get bored, and worse yet SCARED about what comes next - so they bail.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Just chalk it up to experience and move on
You didn't do anything wrong. He thought he knew what he wanted but he didn't or else he enjoyed the pursuit more than the catch. Kudos for telling him you won't continue the relationship on those terms. Write it up to experience and move on.
Maybe the relationship was more convenient for him when you weren't 2 hrs away. Now that you are he is having a hard time keeping his feelings for you going?
This has nothing to do with you. Old_cold is right. He wants to play now that he's in a new area. You say he doesn't have anyone else, but you don't know. He may have lots now, hence the lack of time. He sounds like a complete jerk. He may not have always been that way, but that's what he is now. Drop him like a hot potato and move on with your life. I'm so sorry this happened. It is very confusing.
You didn't do anything wrong. He thought he knew what he wanted but he didn't or else he enjoyed the pursuit more than the catch. Kudos for telling him you won't continue the relationship on those terms. Write it up to experience and move on.
I love it - great minds DO think alike
Tried to rep you, but you know the story!
I know this kind of thing is a shock to a girl when it happens, but it is not at all uncommon! This kind of thing is also why girls who really want to have a serious relationship with a guy should not give in and have sex in the beginning.
You didn't "do" anything - other than you ended the chase by finally giving in
Look, there are some guys out there who are very emotionally immature - they aren't always easy to recognize because they look like full grown, responsible men. The truth is, these kinds of guys are only turned on by the pursuit - the thought of having something someone is trying to deny them. Once they win the battle and the pursuit ends the game is over and they get bored, and worse yet SCARED about what comes next - so they bail.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Just chalk it up to experience and move on
Thanks! I'm sorry it happened too. But oh well, live and learn! I asked him if that was the deal....finally got what he was chasing after, so he was no longer interested....he said "I don't know". Great response...oh well. I hope we can stay friends....but now I know to just STAY friends!
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
You didn't "do" anything - other than you ended the chase by finally giving in
Look, there are some guys out there who are very emotionally immature - they aren't always easy to recognize because they look like full grown, responsible men. The truth is, these kinds of guys are only turned on by the pursuit - the thought of having something someone is trying to deny them. Once they win the battle and the pursuit ends the game is over and they get bored, and worse yet SCARED about what comes next - so they bail.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Just chalk it up to experience and move on
I think this is probably right on the money. With a lot of younger guys (and plenty of older ones as well) it seems to be less about the having and more about the getting.
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