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Even if he won't call it a relationship, IT IS A RELATIONSHIP. If he isn't mature about it though, I say move along, be nice about it, sounds like you like the guy and all that, you're both respectful of each other, other than the he isn't being very commiting, I'd have to move along, personally. But, talk w/ him and if you're able to let this one go, then I'd move along.
I don't want to let him go but in the end, I may have too. Thanks Prinny.
One thing I learned a VERY long time ago, is you cannot force someone to love you! Often it is a very hard pill to swallow. As a man, if I'm in love with a woman, nothing will stand in my way. He is either self-centered, not interested in you long term, or does not care. You might have a harsh reality to face here. Sorry to say. I've been there, done that myself.
I am not asking the guy to marry me. I've been engaged in the past. I'm in no rush for that. I am a single mom of one child who has a thriving career. I am simply asking for a committed relationship.
Is that really asking for too much?
so you want a friendship ring, an engagement ring, a date, a class ring, or what..your in something, why not ask him what the end result of whats going on is in his mind?
Answer to 2: He never stated when asked that he wasn't interested in a relationship. He said he would like to get to know me once again and "let's see where things go". I didn't expect at six months he would still be telling me the same thing.
Then you know what? You either choose to stay or go. You still haven't clearly explained why him giving a verbal affirmation of something will do you any good over noting his actions.
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Answer to 3: Not trying to force anything. I am always honest and I expect him to give me an honest answer. If a relationship is not what he wants, all he has to do is say so. Plain and simple and we can go our separate ways.
Again, the fact that he gave you an answer that you doubt does not mean he was not honest. Stop saying "honest" - it's not a valid consideration.
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Answer to 4: We have discussed this on two separate occasions and his response was that he moves slow. I did tell him the best thing for us would be to just be friends and he felt slighted/offended by my remark citing that I should see, through his actions, his feelings for me and he would never string me along.
The reason he got offended was because you told him you wanted to be just friends when your actions clearly indicated otherwise. The reason he gave that statement was exactly the opposite: you refuse to see his actions clearly outlining his feelings and instead want a verbal affirmation which won't really do anything for you in the long run.
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Answer to 5: I answered this in a previous comment. I would feel more comfortable opening up to him physically, emotionally and mentally. Because that is missing for me, I refuse to allow myself to be "open" for fear of being hurt later on.
This just doesn't make sense to me. It's a word. It doesn't mean anything. It's not the same as if you were marrying the guy.
It sounds to me as though you both have issues.
Your issue is that you are hanging on verbal affirmation of feelings rather than determination of feelings based on actions and body language. You feel the need to "quantify" the relationship by hearing the other person tell you "yes, we're in a committed relationship"; it's hard for you to just accept the person's actions as solid evidence. I'm going to speculate that you've probably been involved with guys where there was no clear communication and found out later that something wasn't right - thus making you nervous now.
His issue is a lack of clear communication. In lieu of straight forward chatter and explanation he wants to let things roll as they may. Nothing wrong with that approach, but since he's obviously not communicating well with you, it's leaving you in the dark and assuming the worst. I'd speculate that he thinks with an "old mind" - a believer in the phrase 'Actions speak louder than words'. He's probably not the kind of guy to talk about his feelings, especially to females, and maybe has a hard time expressing what he wants to say. He was probably shy when he was younger.
You guys need to work it out. The only way you're going to get past this is to sit down and lay out what's what: Explain to him that while things seem to be a certain way, you need to make sure his mind is in the same place as yours. Make sure he understands that you value verbal communication and need to hear the words from him. Ask him directly if he's ready for commitment and accept no less than a straight answer, yes or no. If he's not willing to give you what you need, you should walk and disregard anything he might say or do as a pity trip. You have to take that step and not expect him to be forthcoming, because it seems not to be in his nature. If that's so important to you, you probably need to find someone else.
And again, you have to stop assuming he's not being honest, and start telling yourself that you're just not getting what you want the way you want it.
As others said, people tend to value others more when they realize they're slipping away. However, the rule only applies if they were ever valuable to them to begin with. Intentional withdrawing is like playing Russian roulette and you just should be prepared for either outcome. To me it falls into the category of games I dislike, but unfortunately they do work.
This guy sounds like a classic fence-sitter who can live in the world of ambiguity for infinity. And to tell you the truth, the guy should be pursuing you, and wanting to take it to another level (I don't mean sex) if he's into you. You told him that you were not into casual dating yet you guys are casually dating without any real commitment (I'm not talking a ring here), You've allowed it to happen and he's clearly aware of it. You are as much at fault for not living by your standards as he is for not honoring them. Rules mean nothing if you don't enforce them. So, you can choose to stay in the murky or you can define the relationship. I'll bet you dollars to donuts he'll jump ship or backpedal when you try to define the relationship, so be prepared to jump ship, because he sounds to me like he doesn't have a very strong sense of self or what he wants in life, and you don't need someone burning your time like that, whether marriage is the ultimate goal or not. Be available for a man who truly wants a relationship and isn't afraid to label it as such. It may sound harsh but after enough experience with these types of boys, I don't have the time for this cr*p, my time becomes very valuable, and the situation more black and white. Define what you want, and dismiss whatever doesn't fit that. You want this rooster to lay eggs, but roosters don't lay eggs. It is what it is.
so you want a friendship ring, an engagement ring, a date, a class ring, or what..your in something, why not ask him what the end result of whats going on is in his mind?
How old are you optiflex?
I want a commitment, that's all. But I will ask him your question. Thanks.
It does seem strange that what you have is a relationship in everything but the name. Does he think calling it a relationship means that you're engaged?
The only person who is going to be able to answer these questions is your fella.
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my time is valuable and I expect him to either step up to the plate or leave the entire plate alone. It's the only decent thing to do.
This guy sounds like a classic fence-sitter who can live in the world of ambiguity for infinity. And to tell you the truth, the guy should be pursuing you, and wanting to take it to another level (I don't mean sex) if he's into you. You told him that you were not into casual dating yet you guys are casually dating without any real commitment (I'm not talking a ring here), yet you've allowed it to happen and he's clearly aware of it. So, you can choose to stay in the murky or you can define the relationship. I'll bet you dollars to donuts he'll jump ship or backpedal when you try to define the relationship, so be prepared to jump ship, because he sounds to me like he doesn't have a very strong sense of self or what he wants in life, and you don't need someone burning your time like that, whether marriage is the ultimate goal or not. Be available for a man who truly wants a relationship and isn't afraid to label it as such.
Thanks Cobolt. Muah! (If you in front of me, I would give you a nice, wet one )
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