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I already know the answer but would like other people's opinions on the matter:
When I was 16, I met this guy who unbeknown to both us, we attended the same Catholic school. We quickly became friends and in a matter of months, he asked me to attend his high school prom. We spent every single day together until he finally moved away to attend college. During the whole time we were together, we were never intimate since I wasn't ready.
Fast forward 2007 - It's been 15 years and I happen to bump into him at my cousin's birthday party being held at a club. We chatted, exchanged numbers and started to catch up on things. Soon after we started seeing each other since we were both single and both remembered all the good times we had together as kids. He's been extremely sweet, caring, attentive, affectionate and kind. But there's one problem...it's been six months since we've started dating and he's still doesn't want to call what we have a relationship. I've asked him to voice his concerns and he simply has said he moves slower than most people.
OKAY. I told him from the onset, I don't do "casual dating" and he stated he understood and respected that. We've both have been behaving as if we are in a relationship. He's hung out around my family and friends and I've hung out around his friend's as well. We see each other 2-6 times a week (depending on our schedules). He's been there for me when I had leg surgery, has embraced my child and has been very supportive of my recovery. I don't get it.
Three times, I've tried to end things and just remain platonic friends and all three times he was upset with the matter stating he moves slow (once again). I believe I've been patient enough and even though he is a good person, I don't want to waste my time on someone who be possibly "having his cake and eating it too" sort of speak.
He's 34 and I'm 32. Not asking to get married but I do want a committed relationship.
Am I being impatient? Should I wait longer? Don't want to waste my life waiting on someone who may not want a relationship with me? Any advice?
Okay... first... I don't see any of this as dishonest... so the subject is inappropriate.
Now... to the real problem.. we can't figure out what the guy is doing or why he's doing it. So, we go to the next best thing.
What do you want? Sounds obvious, but then it's not that easy or you wouldn't be posting. You want a relationship, but you haven't let him go either (which means feelings are involved, of course).
My recommendation is that you tell him exactly what you want (if you want a relationship with him). Tell him that you love him (if you do) and tell him that you want a committed relationship. Then give him a deadline. He's allowed to move as slow as you allow him to. "S*** or get off the pot." I don't recommend a one or two day deadline.. but a compromise. If you think a week is sufficient time for him to decide.. and he wants a month.. give him two weeks. But the bottom line is you have to have an end in sight, one way or the other, for your own sanity. And stick to what you've said. You dropping him and then reconnecting isn't fair to him either.
Thank you for being honest and I appreciate the feedback.
I did state to him clearly (both verbally and written) what I wanted or was looking for. He knew this all three times. I do love him and am starting to fall for him but can't move forward because of the lack of a relationship. One thing I haven't given him is a deadline which I will do right away.
You are absolutely right about sticking to what I've said. He's the one that would convince me otherwise to give him more time.
Thank you for being honest and I appreciate the feedback.
I already know the answer but would like other people's opinions on the matter:
When I was 16, I met this guy who unbeknown to both us, we attended the same Catholic school. We quickly became friends and in a matter of months, he asked me to attend his high school prom. We spent every single day together until he finally moved away to attend college. During the whole time we were together, we were never intimate since I wasn't ready.
Three times, I've tried to end things and just remain platonic friends and all three times he was upset with the matter stating he moves slow (once again). I believe I've been patient enough and even though he is a good person, I don't want to waste my time on someone who be possibly "having his cake and eating it too" sort of speak.
He's 34 and I'm 32. Not asking to get married but I do want a committed relationship.
Am I being impatient? Should I wait longer? Don't want to waste my life waiting on someone who may not want a relationship with me? Any advice?
Sooooo does this mean you've been "ready" since you got back with him 6 months ago? And possibly his idea of "ready" doesn't include the "options" your being "ready" does? Nice guy, supportive....Where does the title come into play?
Does he know you have a huggyy kissy means wheres my wedding ring attitude?
[quote=Rathagos;4162214]Okay... first... I don't see any of this as dishonest... so the subject is inappropriate.
I do think my subject line is appropriate because I feel he is not being honest as to the reason why he is not ready to be in a relationship with me. I do believe six months is a reasonable amount of time to know if you want to be with someone in that respect or not.
Sooooo does this mean you've been "ready" since you got back with him 6 months ago? And possibly his idea of "ready" doesn't include the "options" your being "ready" does? Nice guy, supportive....Where does the title come into play?
We've been having an intimate relationship the past few months. He's not ready to define what we have as a relationship however he does not want to be platonic friends (how convenient).
When I said "supportive" he has been in regards to me as a friend when I undergone surgery & recovery and when I have had personal dilemmas at work. He's been a good friend to me so far.
Does he know you have a huggyy kissy means wheres my wedding ring attitude?
I am not asking the guy to marry me. I've been engaged in the past. I'm in no rush for that. I am a single mom of one child who has a thriving career. I am simply asking for a committed relationship.
I think an ultimatum is the best advice you've been given. He knew the rules beforehand. Now it's up to you to let your "yes mean yes and no mean no" so to speak....
If for no other reason, but your sanity and the fact that his game may be causing you to miss out on Mr. Right if he's not going to be the one...your body is not a 7-11 for pete's sake!
I think an ultimatum is the best advice you've been given. He knew the rules beforehand. Now it's up to you to let your "yes mean yes and no mean no" so to speak....
Thank you. That's what I've been thinking all along.
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