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Hi everyone,
I am a 35 year old single female. I date occassionally but I still have not found the one. I am determined not to settle as many of my girlfriends have. I do believe there is someone out there for me I just haven't met him yet. And honestly I am perfectly happy by myself. I enjoy life and have accomplished alot on my own. I have a good job ,my own house ,car and take care of my finances. My question is this....I have been seriously thinking about having a baby. I don't want the fact that I haven't met the one to keep me from experiencing the joy of having a child. When I was younger ( in my 20's) I always thought I had plenty of time but the years go fast. At first I thought of adopting but after giving it some thought I think I would prefer to have my own child. I have a close male friend who I have known since I was 19. We have dated in the past but for what every reason we just never had a serious relationship. But we have always remained friends. Anyway,we are thinking of having a baby together. We do not have a relationship but he wants a child and I want a child. He has always been there for me and I believe he would be a good responsible father. What do you think....I welcome all advice. And if we do this should I get something in writing as far as child support,responsiblities,etc.
If he's so great...then what's wrong with establishing a committed relationship with him? I'm not saying you SHOULD marry him, but why not live together as partners? (I don't believe in marriage anyhow.)
on a side not. a recently married lesbian couple just asked me to father with them... i have known them for a while... but i think here i would just be an "uncle". who knows. but this is stuff you have to think about.
Just wanted to mention that a few months ago I read that someone else did this, then the couple broke up. Apparently there wasn't some sort of contract saying this male friend was just donating sperm, now he has to pay child support. Think it was in FL. Please CYA. I think it's nice of you to do this for them if you decide to do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmacf1
As I said above, I was unable to get pregnant when I was older than 35, though we didn't start trying until I was 41. Adoption IS difficult and time-consuming and can be very expensive. And, like with any birth, there can be unforeseen complications with physical health and complications with mental health. We were blessed with children who, so far knock on wood, have had no unusual problems. All the issues they have had (like hernias and lazy eye) were not caused by the fact that they lived in an orphanage in Russia for the first part of their lives. However, some friends have had children with some pretty major issues, both biological children and adopted. The bio kids have had such issues as autism, cerebral palsy and bipolar disorder. The few adopted kids (one adopted by one of my single mom friends) with problems that I know about have had major dental issues, reactive attachment disorder and anxiety disorders. There are no guarantees when bringing a child into your life, no matter how it's done. Therefore, you have to be totally ready to take on all the responsibilities and potential problems. It's by far the largest commitment you'll ever make in your life (and, in my opinion, it's well worth it, by the way )
Great post. You pretty much summed up a lot of things like the fact that she might not even be able to get pregnant, or that the longer she waits the more chance there is for a child to have a genetic disorder or severe health problems.
We recently had a very long post about this topic (older parenting) on a decorating for I go to, at one time I ended up at wiki and was amazed to see the numbers and how high they were for health problems because the eggs are not as good. In one post, someone said they were diagnosed with "old eggs".
With kids, you never know what you're going to get. If they do not have health problems (major) they can have things like oppositional defiant disorder or ADD/ADHD. My own 2 kids are as different as night and day, the oldest a boy has never been a problem and is the most easy going, pleasant kid while my daughter is a different story.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thorpe
Thank you for all of your opinions. I know I still have time so I am thinking if by 37 I have not found the one this would be an option. As I stated my friend and I have dated in the past so you never know what will happen but there would not be any expectations for us to necessarily marry. We could have the child and if we don't work out we would just move on. I would tell the child that her/his father and I had a relationship that resulted in a beautiful child but our relationship did not work out. If I meet somebody else and we marry they would be the step-parent as with so many marriages today. The child's father would always be a part of the child's life. I would expect the child's father to play the role of a responsible father regardless of his relationship with me. I guess,I don't see this arrangment being any different from single-parent homes which is the norm nowadays.
I'm going to send you 2 posts via DM. I can't link to them in the post since they go to a different forum. After what I read in the 2 posts, I actually would not wait much longer, because it might not happen, or the chances for a child with health problems increases..
I personally don't think there is anything wrong with doing it this way. You will work out the details before hand & hopefully you can cover just about everything. It really isn't any different (IMO anyway) then a child of divorce or to a single parent that finds themselves pregnant, and you might have an advantage because you want this baby. You're not the 1st and I doubt you will be the last person to do this. I also don't doubt this is going to be pretty common in the coming years.
Good luck with what ever you decide. I couldn't imagine not having my 2 kids, and although my son wasn't planned (pregnant @ 20) I wouldn't change anything. He's brought so much to my life.
It does seem selfish to me. Looking over your original post there's a consistent theme of I want I want I want. Very little thought about the baby. What's best for the child? Have you even considered this? The posts supporting you are all of a similar thought: you want a baby, so why shouldn't you have one? Again, focusing on you and what you want instead of the baby. What about the baby?
Hi everyone,
I am a 35 year old single female. I date occassionally but I still have not found the one. I am determined not to settle as many of my girlfriends have. I do believe there is someone out there for me I just haven't met him yet. And honestly I am perfectly happy by myself. I enjoy life and have accomplished alot on my own. I have a good job ,my own house ,car and take care of my finances. My question is this....I have been seriously thinking about having a baby. I don't want the fact that I haven't met the one to keep me from experiencing the joy of having a child. When I was younger ( in my 20's) I always thought I had plenty of time but the years go fast. At first I thought of adopting but after giving it some thought I think I would prefer to have my own child. I have a close male friend who I have known since I was 19. We have dated in the past but for what every reason we just never had a serious relationship. But we have always remained friends. Anyway,we are thinking of having a baby together. We do not have a relationship but he wants a child and I want a child. He has always been there for me and I believe he would be a good responsible father. What do you think....I welcome all advice. And if we do this should I get something in writing as far as child support,responsiblities,etc.
I noted your mentioning child support, without attachment to the father. You really do look at him simply as a donor it seems. You also describe yourself exactly as all the women I've dated who are mid 30's through 40's who haven't had a child yet. The urge to spawn really does seem to kick in. The seeming desperation to do it, even without a husband. Two women have asked me to do this in the last 5 years! Both right after they met my children! Which made me feel like a pure breed dog in their eyes. They see I have two good looking kids...AND WANT ONE! Looks are fine when choosing a puppy, not choosing to raise a human. Both offered no strings eventually.
Some of the things they found unappealing about me will also be transfered to the offspring..lol
Just thought I'd add those links, since I saw she didn't want to "settle."
My god, I wonder if my wife settled for me. I'm like the Mac & Cheese of Fatherhood.
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