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Depends. Women need to feel connected to want intmacy. Him not wanting communication or conversation would kill my sex drive in a hurry. I have no desire to be intmate with someone who doesn't even want to talk to me.
Now if you could have pounded that into my stbx's head we might still be married.
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but other times, I want to rip my husbands clothes off of him and ..................... well you get the picture.
I hear that too, but i've got to have that first feeling to have the second.
I have noticed on this board (and in life) that a lot of women seem to expect too much from their men. This often leads to hurt feelings, arguments etc. I think some of this could be alleviated by us women remembering that men DO NOT think the same way we do.
Usually men say exactly what they mean. There are no hidden meanings or bad intentions. Women on the other hand often make statements with hidden meanings and then expect men to pick up on what that hidden meaning is. I think that we assume that men's minds work just like ours when that is just not the case. Men are SIMPLE (I don't mean that as in "stupid"). They don't spend time pondering things or making sure they are going to say something the "right" way. And it's unfair of us to expect them to think in a manner that isn't natural to them.
Ladies, take it easy on your men. Let them love you the way they know how and in a way that is natural and comfortable to them and love them back for it. This is just my opinion based on my experiences.
I have to agree there might be more of this than necessary, but ya know, it doesnt only happen in forums. Real life relationships arent always fairy tale perfect either. Just be yourself and accept each other for who you are...after all, no one forced you to marry or to 'get together' with your significant other, you made the choice. Make the best of it or move on and let someone else who can/will do it have it. Easy.You knew what you were getting into.
BUT there are legitimate reasons too, I have to admit. Sometimes people change after you get married, some for the better, some become abusive 'afterwards' and thats a whole new story there.
In general I agree with the OP. He has it right. Women do have unrealistic expectations but the communication aspect this thread is revolving around pertains more to the dating stage. When people are dating and getting started, naturally there is ambiguity and deciphering communication styles. I would expect that once people become a couple, they will have that dance figured out and know how to communicate with their partner. Shame on them if they enter a marriage and don't know how to read/understand and be open with their partner.
Shame on them if they enter a marriage and don't know how to read/understand and be open with their partner.
Things change over time.
Here is the last "conversation" I had with the stbx. Feel free to pick it apart. If men are simple and say exactly what they mean, for the record, Ill have to state I was not barking "arf, arf".
me: Do you want to work on our marriage or do you want a divorce?
him: I want things to be like they use to be.
me: so you want to work on our marriage?
him: I want things to be like they use to be.
me: How should we begin to do that?
him: Stop barking and act like a woman.
Here is the last "conversation" I had with the stbx. Feel free to pick it apart. If men are simple and say exactly what they mean, for the record, Ill have to state I was not barking "arf, arf".
me: Do you want to work on our marriage or do you want a divorce?
him: I want things to be like they use to be.
me: so you want to work on our marriage?
him: I want things to be like they use to be.
me: How should we begin to do that?
him: Stop barking and act like a woman.
Yeah, I've had somewhat similar "conversations" as well. You just feel like you're banging your head on the wall...
Sierra
Nice to know someone else has been to crazytown. LOL.
Needless to say we are getting divorced. No more of that uncomplicated, direct to the point man talk for me.
Here is the last "conversation" I had with the stbx. Feel free to pick it apart. If men are simple and say exactly what they mean, for the record, Ill have to state I was not barking "arf, arf".
me: Do you want to work on our marriage or do you want a divorce?
him: I want things to be like they use to be.
me: so you want to work on our marriage?
him: I want things to be like they use to be.
me: How should we begin to do that?
him: Stop barking and act like a woman.
I would guess he doesn't know how to begin working on it. I don't know the man but maybe he would like you to be who you were before he said things he couldn't take back over the years.
Hey the pond in the picture looks like Pleasant Hill close to brown town.
if you're talking dinner the night before i'd agree. If you don't start by breakfast, you're too late. Women don't turn on and off like men. We ramp up. For me, the morning sets the pace. He still has a chance if he plays his cards right as soon as he gets home but if he waits until dinner, too late. By the time we sit down to dinner, i've already decided whether i'm curling up with a good book or him.
Reading though this I think i see that there is alot of taking one another for granted. When you are dating you never let him see you in your granny panties. Maybe I should act more like a girlfriend if i want a boyfriend
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Women don't turn on and off like men. We ramp up. For me, the morning sets the pace. He still has a chance if he plays his cards right as soon as he gets home but if he waits until dinner, too late. By the time we sit down to dinner, i've already decided whether i'm curling up with a good book or him.
