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I met my hubby online almost 7 years ago. It was a random happening and not planned at all. We met in a chat room, exchanged emails and it didn't really cross my mind again. He emailed me a couple weeks later and it just progressed from there. We emailed and IM'd for probably 5 or 6 months before I would give him my home phone number. Then it was a couple months before we met in person. He lived half way across the world but somehow it worked out and we have been married for four years.
I was younger and more naive at the time and I probably wouldn't be as adventurous now but obviously I'm happy I took the risk back then. I think people should really trust their instincts and if you feel like the person could be in the least bit shady then don't meet them. My best friend has had horrible experiences with online dating. So I guess anything is possible.
I met my ex online, but that's not why he is the ex. I think the mistake was trying to have a long distance relationship (I was in San Antonio, he was in Dallas) because it was way too easy for him to hide his true self and just be sneaky in general. Meanwhile I thought I "knew" him from spending every weekend together. Not so. To avoid getting into the whole story, let's just say he was hiding a LOT.
So anyway, I think the problem was the distance, not the online thing. If I were to try and meet someone online I would not keep it online for long and I would make sure they were LOCAL.
I have to laugh, because San Antonio to Dallas doesn't seem like long distance for me. I was in Houston, and my husband was (and we both are now) in North Carolina.
Honestly, I think that distance isn't what made him hide things from you. That's an indication of his character. I think he would have done the same thing whether you were in Dallas or Timbuktu.
As far as meeting people online, you meet good people and you can meet some real jerks. However, the same could be said for meeting people in other ways - at a bar, through friends, at school, at work, you name it. It's now where you meet - it's who you meet. Good people are online as well as off.
I've never understood the logic when some people believe that meeting someone online is inherently dangerous. Yet these same people see nothing wrong with meeting someone in a bar and giving them your phone number. When you meet someone in a bar, they can spike your drink, follow you home, you name it.
Whatever avenue you use to meet someone, people need to exercise some common sense.
I have had good and bad luck meeting online. Personally, I feel it is easier to do the initial "meeting" online as opposed to going up to random women out and about.
I have met a couple of weird women, or ones that totally misrepresented themselves.
I have met more than a handful that have turned into a boyfriend-girlfriend situation, including my current girlfriend.
I usually place an ad that really stands out and is very specific. As someone said, if your ad has a bunch of cliches, such as "I can dress up or dress down" or "I can go out or stay in" or "I love all kinds of music and movies". I personally think the lamest one is the I Love all music, because you normally quickly find out that they really only like 1 or 2 types.
I met my ex online, but that's not why he is the ex. I think the mistake was trying to have a long distance relationship (I was in San Antonio, he was in Dallas) because it was way too easy for him to hide his true self and just be sneaky in general. Meanwhile I thought I "knew" him from spending every weekend together. Not so. To avoid getting into the whole story, let's just say he was hiding a LOT.
So anyway, I think the problem was the distance, not the online thing. If I were to try and meet someone online I would not keep it online for long and I would make sure they were LOCAL.
Nah the distance had nothing to do with it. The problem was he was hiding his true self and being sneaky in general WHICH he could just as easily have done if you were shacked up together. Trust me, that kinda person, even if they're right under your nose, will find a way to be dishonest.
There are plenty of people that have met and overcome much greater distances to be together and be happy, regardless of how they met. Just as a jerk will be a jerk whether they're able to utilize the distance to hide things or can manage it even if they're in close proximity. Someone hell bent on being dishonest will find a way if that's the kind of person they are.
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fierce_flawless
I met my ex online, but that's not why he is the ex. I think the mistake was trying to have a long distance relationship (I was in San Antonio, he was in Dallas) because it was way too easy for him to hide his true self and just be sneaky in general. Meanwhile I thought I "knew" him from spending every weekend together. Not so. To avoid getting into the whole story, let's just say he was hiding a LOT.
So anyway, I think the problem was the distance, not the online thing. If I were to try and meet someone online I would not keep it online for long and I would make sure they were LOCAL.
Sounds like we've had very similar experiences! I would only add to this that if things start getting serious, do a background check! My friend kept urging me to have one done on this guy, but I kept insisting it wasn't necessary because I "knew" him. Turns out I only knew what he wanted me to know!
That said, I had tried online dating before and it was a success. We eventually split up for other reasons, but he was one of the best boyfriends I ever had. I wouldn't give up on online dating completely, even after having had one negative experience. I'd just be much more careful and take things slower next time.
I think it's great or at least it used to be. You can meet people you would have not had the opportunity to otherwise. Just like on CD. Of course there are going to be liars, scammers etc...just be careful and smart about what you're doing. I never had a problem meeting men for dates but decided to try the internet several years ago. Yes I had a bad experience but only with one date and it was just that he was a jerk, nothing really bad happened. You can meet a jerk anywhere, in a bar, at a party etc...Also, anyone can lie anytime or anywhere you meet them. I had a great time meeting people on the internet and it was mostly people that just don't like to hang out in bars, had their own business and a lot of doctors that don't have time to go out much. I've been in a relationship for almost five years now with someone I met on the internet. He is so great and I would have never met him if I didn't do the internet dating thing.
Only words of wisdom that my wife and I can say to all of you online date/relationship seekers is........"We just thank God that we are married and NOT single anymore. We love being married and my wife LOVES me AND my cooking and humor!!
I have to laugh, because San Antonio to Dallas doesn't seem like long distance for me. I was in Houston, and my husband was (and we both are now) in North Carolina.
Honestly, I think that distance isn't what made him hide things from you. That's an indication of his character. I think he would have done the same thing whether you were in Dallas or Timbuktu.
As far as meeting people online, you meet good people and you can meet some real jerks. However, the same could be said for meeting people in other ways - at a bar, through friends, at school, at work, you name it. It's now where you meet - it's who you meet. Good people are online as well as off.
I've never understood the logic when some people believe that meeting someone online is inherently dangerous. Yet these same people see nothing wrong with meeting someone in a bar and giving them your phone number. When you meet someone in a bar, they can spike your drink, follow you home, you name it.
Whatever avenue you use to meet someone, people need to exercise some common sense.
All true..
As for my ex, you are right, he was a sneaky SOB regardless. I'm not saying that LDR's "make" someone behave badly or hide things. I'm just saying that the distance made it easier for him. Me not being able to 'drop by' his apartment, for example, because of it being 5 hours away. Even when I was kind of suspicious I couldn't check things out myself due to living in another city.
For us, the 5 hour drive with me having a child and no super reliable car, and him having an overtime-heavy job and family (parents) up there... well, it certainly wasn't an insurmountable distance, but it did lessen the spontaneity for sure. Worked for him because when I came up to stay at his place for 2 weeks he had plenty of time to remove all traces of the OTHER girlfriend from the apartment! (all stuff I found out way later)
Anyway, my mom always tried to blame the failure of that relationship on the fact that we met online and I always told her it was nonsense. Especially when she herself used the internet to make friends (platonic) and those relationships have endured.
So yeah, I shouldn't advise against all LDR's resulting from online meetings... but I would still urge a bit more caution in those situations, that's all.
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(all stuff I found out way later)
