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After becoming single this week I am wondering the best way to deal with the issues left behind from not only this past relationship, the one previous.
I have posted here before about my relationship with my x. He was an alcoholic, drug addict, very depressed, unemployed... I could go on and on with the negatives. The only reason I stayed was the good ole fear of being alone. Finally, I had enough.
We were together a year and a half and in that time all kinds of ups and downs. He was a rebound so I threw myself into it immediatley. At first things were great. No drugs, alcohol, gainful employment, ect. We did get engaged and were expecting a child. I lost the child and we called of the engagment and just went back to being bf/gf before it ended.
I got together with him only 2 days after the end of my previous relationship which lasted 3 years. He was significantly older (by 26 years!) and newly divorced when we got together. I was going through a very difficult time (as was he) and formed an attachment to him (I dont think it was love). He was controlling at times and of coarse the times when we fought I accused him of treating me like his child. The other big issue was sex. He admitted to being obsessed with it in everyway. Needing to have it when he wanted, talk about it, watch it, you name it. If I didn't want to it would lead to a fight. He made me feel as though I had to. Those were two issues but it eventually ended because he demanded I move in or it was over. He said marriage or children was never a possibility for him again and I wanted more (or heck, at least the option).
I'm 22 and really havn't been single before. I know I'm still young and all but I want to get rid or deal with the issues I have from my experiences so far to hopefully better my future chances of a successful relationship.
For some reason I have these feelings like I have to have a man in my life and I have to be having sex or there is something wrong with me. I know both these issues have come from these two guys. But in another way I am scared to even date again. Also, my x tried to make me feel as though it was my fault I had a natural miscarriage. They both made me feel like without them I am nothing and I am realizing it really sunk in.
My friends and family have told me to "take time" for myself and "figure me out". I'm not even sure what that means. All I know is I dislike feeling this low about myself. I would love to hear any suggestions as to how to get past these negative feelings.
I agree with your friends. You need you time. Forget about your ex's and even dating again for at least a year. Enjoy your new found freedom. Live life to its fullest, travel, join a club and meet new friends.
You need to do this so you can get out of the habit of dating losers. You are only 22, you have a long life ahead of you, why get tied down so quickly?
Just find a new man to replace the old. Isn't that what most women do anyway?
Goodness, no! Geez! Why would anyone get rid of one problem and replace it with another?
Take some time to do what YOU want to do, without having to answer to anyone. You may feel out of it for the time being, but it will get much better with each passing day.
About the last thing you should be considering is a new relationship with someone else. You really need to strengthen your relationship with yourself. Learn who you really are, and what YOU really want before entering into any new romantic relationship. Learn to love yourself prior to loving another at this relatively early point in your life.
I suspect that you may have some low self esteem issues. Have you considered any sort of counseling?
Last edited by Easybreezy; 08-08-2008 at 09:08 PM..
Reason: left out word.
About the last thing you should be considering is a new relationship with someone else. You really need to strengthen your relationship with yourself. Learn who you really are, and what YOU really want before entering into any new romantic relationship. Learn to love yourself prior to loving another at this relatively early point in your life.
I suspect that you may have some low self esteem issues. Have you considered any sort of counseling?
I agree. Good call.
If you don't get some insight into yourself, and especially if you date right now, you are going to get back on the treadmill. There is a reason you are attracted to these men, and if you don't address your issues now, you will be stuck in this pattern for the rest of your life. I would suggest getting into therapy at this point and perhaps look into a support group.
I suspect you either grew up with an alcoholic in your home or with someone who was dysfunctional in some way that made you feel that you had to be a caretaker of some sort. You may also want to see if you yourself are the kind of drinker that may be excessive because drinkers usually hang out with drinkers...
I'll echo the other posts and add, if you don't take time to know and love yourself there's precious little chance of being able to know and love others.
Geeze, I think I was still in diapers at 22 - ENJOY LIFE!!! At this point you might want to try thinking of guys as an accessory - nice to have, maybe, but definitely not a necessity.
I'll echo the other posts and add, if you don't take time to know and love yourself there's precious little chance of being able to know and love others.
Geeze, I think I was still in diapers at 22 - ENJOY LIFE!!! At this point you might want to try thinking of guys as an accessory - nice to have, maybe, but definitely not a necessity.
Listen to this guy. He's dead on here.
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At this point you might want to try thinking of guys as an accessory - nice to have, maybe, but definitely not a necessity.
