Hey guys,
(sorry in advance for long reply)
Firstly thanks for all the replies. One comment to Ann Alison - unfortunately I think you are correct in that I wasn't ready to let go of the family and start building my own family. I don't feel I am a "mama's boy", but moreso the only man of the family. Dad left when us kids were really young, brother was never one for responsibility - so it rested on me to step up and look after the family - family being mum, my sister and her two baby kids. Mum worked herself into the ground trying to support us, sister had a nervous break-down - so I picked up the pieces where I could (with my nieces and house chores etc).
Juggling house responsibilities and trying to build a future with my girlfriend was a tough thing. However, it seemed that just in an instant, I had had enough of my 'home family' and wanted to start building a family with my girlfriend. Although I love my nieces and 'home' family, I am not my nieces' parent or responsible for the other 'adults' in my family.
Ultimately, I think the reason those 8 years dragged on as long as it did was because I felt such a responsibility to hold up the family. That and repairing relationships with her mother, as that was on the rocks. As it is, she has a great relationship with her mother now - who has been great supporting her through the recent events/times.
The discussion between myself and my 'home' family (as one replier mentioned) did take place, but it was moreso from the point that I have to let go and start moving on with life.
But I know many of you don't care to hear about that aspect of my story - I guess I just wanted to make it known that I had the weight of my 'home' family on my shoulders and my situation isn't reflective of the typical 'mama's boy' situation. It's a lame excuse, but I had always put 'home' family very high because I know it had been through so much pain.
Just to confirm my girlfriend's situation, it WAS NOT another man, but as with many have said, she was just tired of waiting for commitment. The decision for her to move on and initiate the break-up was very difficult for her.
So... as the story goes... I went to her house and she wasn't home. I had initially planned to wait those 2 or 3 weeks to ask her for her hand in marriage, but I felt that this couldn't wait any longer than another day.
I went to her house the next day and she was studying so quietly and peacefully. So many different thoughts and feelings were running through my head - I didn't want to interrupt her, but I didn't want her to think that I wasn't committed. I wanted to tell her that I love her, but didn't want her to fail... I had seen her and helped her study in the past, but this time she looked so different. It was probably just me, but she looked so radiant in the desk lamp light. Her demeanor wasn't aggressive/hostile, or sad/upset, but seemed content to see me.
I was so so so nervous - sat down next to her and told her what I needed to say - that detail is just between her and me.
She said that she couldn't marry me..
I don't blame her in anyway for what has happened - I blame myself and my mismatched priorities in life.
As it was, as I was ready to move on with life, so was she, but we were moving in opposite directions.
The one thing, if anything, I had going in my favour was that I had started to want to move on prior to the break up and not as a result of the break up (albeit some years too late).
I spent the next few weeks after that just thinking about the situation over and over and over again. One female friend said that I have to give her her time moreso now then before, as her decision to 'move on' would've been so difficult, and for her just to come back to the relationship may seem like she failed herself.
A week or so after I proposed, she rang me to tell me thank you for proposing to her. She read the letter I left for her and as she said, put things to rest in her mind. She started to cry on the phone and told me how difficult it was for her for the past years and had wanted 'this' for so long.
................
As it is today (weeks on now) we've been on a few dinners together and hung out as 'friends'. It's so difficult for me to be 'friends' when I have so much feeling inside, but at the same time I know the pain I have been feeling is probably not half as much as what I've been putting her through, through the years.
She's doing her thing, and I'm doing mine.. We meet up when we can, but our lives have become that much more active (just separate). She's free to do as she pleases and I'm free of family obligations.
We are actually flying away together for a long weekend this upcoming weekend. This holiday was planned before we broke up, but we still decided that we would go together.
From time to time she tells me she misses me, and lets her nickname for me slip out now and then.
I feel there is no way to salvage our relationship - and the only chance for us to be together is to start a new one.. But that being said, we just can't start a-new and forget the past. I told her that I want her to have her time and that I feel I need it too, but to be ready for a woo-ing by my later on. She said she would like that.....
...................
I returned the engagement ring ($15,000) to the store - it was custom made, but the store lady said she would have no problem refunding the money as it was a beautifully designed ring.
If the future does intend for us to be together, and if I do ask her to be my wife (again), I will ask her using a plastic ring. That way we can pick out a ring for her together.
We're going out to dinner again tomorrow night. It's so weird as we still act like we're together, but just no hugging (physical connection) and no 'I love you' comments. I think it's a little unhealthy for us, but at the same time I so want to see her.
Thanks for reading/listening guys and gals.
Chris
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