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Just came out of a 8 year relationship and am looking for answers.
Here's a run down of the relationship to date:
- both of us are the same age, met each other in University and dated for 4 years until we both started work
- worked for 2 years and then SHE decided we should buy a place together (as we were both living at our individual family homes). In the end she bought her own apartment and I bought my own townhouse. Reason I didn't buy with her was because I bought my place for my parents, who were to give us (myself and my girlfriend) the family home - which is many times bigger then what I bought. Plus we would never be able to afford a 'family home' with so much room - my parents didn't need that much room.
- we argued for months about the house issue - I feel we were both trying to achieve a life together, but had different plans. One thing I should mention is that we weren't to inherit the family home for at least another 4 years from that point.
- in the end I moved in with her at her place, worked out really well. After 6 months together, we decided to move back to our individual family homes for financial purposes, as we decided to buy a place together and not wait for the 'family home' plan.
- one and a half years on (ie. recently) she says she needs more in life and wants a break. We go on a break, but break is too hard as she can't have a break with me in her life, so she broke up with me instead.
I know I wasn't the best boyfriend around, as I was a work-aholic. Worked late during weekdays and sometimes worked weekends too as I wanted to build a career to secure a future for us. Ultimately, I quit my job and got something easier, so I could focus on the relationship (this was before any talk of break or break-up). A month into the new job, she breaks up with me and says she feels she's bored (based on me in my old job, not the new me) and feels missing out on a lot of life and needs time alone. She doesn't know how long she'll need, but says I shouldn't wait for her.
We're both 28, she always thought life 30 was the end of the world.
What should I do? I want to wait for her (that'll only mean not dating other girls, not stop living life), but there are many of my friends which say I should forget her. One friend actually said it was never to work as we never had the same 'plans' for life, but just made it work for as long as we could.
She took me not buying an apartment with her as me not loving her, but nothing could be further from the truth.
As it were, I have such renewed love for her from the moment I decided to quit my job. I had much lined up for us, as I realised me planning for our future so far ahead wasn't healthy. Never got the chance to show her what I am capable of for us in the 'now', as she's gone.
Just waffling, but ultimately what do people do? Wait? Move on? Move on with reservations?
Eight years is a long time to spend with someone, just to find out in the end, that she is bored with you, that she wants more out of life, and she needs a break.
I would let her have her "time alone" and move on with your life.
It sounds like she could have been bringing you down from your future plans anyway. Good luck!
Once the words you shouldn't wait for her left her mouth you should have stopped thinking. In women terms it means its over. Sorry I know its no fun.
Here's the thing, she told me to "not wait for her" because, as she said, she feels really selfish that she's doing this, but needs to do it....
She wants this time to experience what she never had before, but wants to come back to me... Of course she doesn't know how long that will be, plus, I have already experienced the things she's looking for, eg. independence, going out late at night without feeling guilty of leaving someone at home... ie, college/university free-style/carefree living... She was always overly conservative..
Here's the thing, she told me to "not wait for her" because, as she said, she feels really selfish that she's doing this, but needs to do it....
She wants this time to experience what she never had before, but wants to come back to me... Of course she doesn't know how long that will be, plus, I have already experienced the things she's looking for, eg. independence, going out late at night without feeling guilty of leaving someone at home... ie, college/university free-style/carefree living... She was always overly conservative..
Thanks guys for your opinions so far.
she wants to party and get laid by someone else.
move on dude,go party and get laid by someone else also,which might even make her want you again lol,but don't wait for her.
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
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I agree with the other posters. Time to move on. I would never wait for anyone who broke up with me. I mean, why? They BROKE UP with you. Why would you want to wait patiently for her while she goes out there and sows her wild oats? Does not compute. Have some self-respect and move on.
once the words you shouldn't wait for her left her mouth you should have stopped thinking. In women terms it means its over. Sorry i know its no fun.
okay ignore what everyone is saying buddy, i had a chick for 5 years and we broke up, exact same story, we would have bought a place and it didnt happen. I started dating other girls and it was the biggest mistake of my life, tried changing all of them to be like her. I went back to her and she felt the same so we made up and is moving in end of this year.
Moral of the story: 8 years is to much to just give away, she will start missing u although she got tired of you because she will (if she date other guys) realise she made a uge mistake and get back to you.
You already past the stage where she can really get board of you although it might feel that way to her and she wil realize it very soon
okay ignore what everyone is saying buddy, i had a chick for 5 years and we broke up, exact same story, we would have bought a place and it didnt happen. I started dating other girls and it was the biggest mistake of my life, tried changing all of them to be like her. I went back to her and she felt the same so we made up and is moving in end of this year.
Moral of the story: 8 years is to much to just give away, she will start missing u although she got tired of you because she will (if she date other guys) realise she made a uge mistake and get back to you.
You already past the stage where she can really get board of you although it might feel that way to her and she wil realize it very soon
I think the one thing that I am concerned about is that I'd be trying to mould any other girl into her too.... Lots of things I wanted to do for us, that the another girl will either; really enjoy or will be scared off by. Most of the stuff I have planned is the settling down/building relationship stuff, not the dating/courting stuff - that stuff is exhausting now... hehehe..
Just give her a little time as I am in no rush right now to jump into another relationship. After that, or unless I meet someone really nice, I'll be letting her go.
Thanks again for the replies.
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