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As a young widow myself (was 29 and I am now 34), I would honestly, knowing what I went through, have a hard time dating a man who had been widowed less than a year right now. I do hate putting a concrete number on it though because it really does depend on the person but sometimes the person doesn't quite realize where they are in the grieving cycle. I wasn't ready to date even at a two years out but my husband died suddenly in a car accident and I had a young child (10 months old when he died) so my circumstances are very different.
I can totally understand having the desire to go out and be around members of the opposite sex so I don't think it is too early to "date", but if this woman is looking for a more serious, long term relationship, I can see her concerns.
I'm so sorry for your loss; but happy that you were able to start a family with your wife before she passed away. She will live on this way and (I believe) have a lifetime impact on you and your child. I agree w/ Ellie - the widowed who were most happily married are the ones who jump back into the dating pool the quickest. I think it's a positive sign, that you are of good character & open to many possibilities.
BTW - thanks for your post to me on another thread - actually what scares me isn't a widower dating site ( I didn't even know they existed!) - but any dating site!! But I will def. take your advice & check it out. ....maybe....well....soon, I mean. I think...lol And have FUN this Friday - you deserve it! woo-hoo!!!
I'm so sorry for your loss; but happy that you were able to start a family with your wife before she passed away. She will live on this way and (I believe) have a lifetime impact on you and your child. I agree w/ Ellie - the widowed who were most happily married are the ones who jump back into the dating pool the quickest. I think it's a positive sign, that you are of good character & open to many possibilities.
BTW - thanks for your post to me on another thread - actually what scares me isn't a widower dating site ( I didn't even know they existed!) - but any dating site!! But I will def. take your advice & check it out. ....maybe....well....soon, I mean. I think...lol And have FUN this Friday - you deserve it! woo-hoo!!!
Hey thanks! Yeah, you have to count your blessings.
Most of the dating sites allow you to search my marital status.
(I have been using plentyoffish.com) You could create a profile, don't put in a picture or much description and then use the search feature. If you spot someone you like then send them a message and attach a pic etc. and away you go.
PM me if you want any more low-down...but that seems like the easiest route. I'm personally not so sure about this particular site but oh well I'm using it for now.
I hope the date went well! I think that there is not necessarily just "one" person for each of us. You sound like a nice guy and I'll bet there are lots of prospective friends/partners for you, especially if you live in a more urban area than I. Coincidentally I had an appointment today with a therapist whom I see once in awhile, and she said that people need at least 5 years to get over the loss of a spouse. I mentioned that it seems that a lot of widows/widowers want to recommit to someone more quickly than that, and she said that they would need to have very accommodating partners. Who knows. I just think it's good for you to get out there and explore new experiences and ideas. Good luck to you!
I hope the date went well! I think that there is not necessarily just "one" person for each of us. You sound like a nice guy and I'll bet there are lots of prospective friends/partners for you, especially if you live in a more urban area than I. Coincidentally I had an appointment today with a therapist whom I see once in awhile, and she said that people need at least 5 years to get over the loss of a spouse. I mentioned that it seems that a lot of widows/widowers want to recommit to someone more quickly than that, and she said that they would need to have very accommodating partners. Who knows. I just think it's good for you to get out there and explore new experiences and ideas. Good luck to you!
First off, I am extremely grateful for the kind words, support and constructive criticism from ALL of you.
FIVE YEARS!?!? It's just not going to take me 5 years. I'm close to 2 years right now from the terminal diagnosis and believe me, I've cried enough and my wife loved me unconditionally and wished me to be happy after she was gone. That helps alot.
Well, my date went pretty well, we both had a good time but probably just are on different pages to some extent. I'm really glad I went and frankly it really helped me gauge where I'm at and they made some excellent comments about the dating scene that I took to heart.
Here is what I learned or solidified in my mind:
1) I'm lonely and I miss female companionship. I'm happy to date someone that might not be a long-term match.
2) I'm not crazy or in a hurry to re-marry the first gal that comes along and show interest.
3) I'm still not 100% ready for a serious relationship.
All in all, I think these are healthy signs and I'm making progress. I think I need to keep dating. I went to the gym this morning and put in a nice hard workout and had a great day with my kids and some friends too.
I had a good date last Friday, she invited me to a Halloween party next weekend too.
Also, word has gotten out that I'm dating again and I'm starting to get people trying to set me up with sisters, daughters etc. lol.
Anyway, things are looking up. Appreciate the good thoughts.
Ok, officially closing down this thread. No, widowers aren't radioactive.
Losing 25lbs, posting new pics and cleaning up my profile a bit and suddenly I'm inundated.
Seems like a lot single moms like the fact that I'm in the same boat as them AND understand the demands that are placed on us. I also don't have an ex to ever have to deal with. Two divorcees I'm talking to won't even date single guys because they have found them to not be able to handle that family comes first etc.
Anyway, thanks for the support and have a great week everyone.
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It's just not going to take me 5 years. I'm close to 2 years right now from the terminal diagnosis and believe me, I've cried enough and my wife loved me unconditionally and wished me to be happy after she was gone. That helps alot.
