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I'm not sure if you included the emoticon because you're being facetious or not, but it's definitely possible to be emotionally intelligent while not a very emotional person.
I don't know you at all, so this is more a comment about your post than you, but that sounds like a robot or some other type of artificial intelligence, for the most part.
And there's something wrong with that? The more robotic a person acts the better. Emotions are a human weakness and very rarely a strength. You don't see people doing better in life the more emotional they are, that usually just clouds your judgment and makes you make stupid decisions. As much as possible you should function in a more calculating, cold manner.
LBSer -- I'm not miserable being alone, I enjoy being single, and have no time for a girlfriend anyway. I'd have time for a few flings I guess but honestly I have bigger priorities right now. And it's not a matter of just being shy or something. You need to constantly put yourself in positions to meet girls, which takes time. If I wanted to go out to the right bars 3 times per week, which would probably involve driving to the beach communities (better singles bars), that would take me at least 45-60 minutes driving each way, each time. Then hanging out at some bar all night trying to get numbers or spot single girls or something. And I don't know anyone who would do that with me, so I'd be flying solo since my guy friends here have girlfriends already. Some people just don't care about putting that much work into getting a girl.
As for novels each post, I type 100 words per minute so it's not exactly difficult to write up a post fast. I'm sorry it's tough to read a few paragraphs in today's society, I've noticed this more and more on forums, they think this is AOL chat and that every post should be a sentence or two. This is a FORUM, and FORUMS were designed for long messages. Instant messenger and chat rooms were designed for tiny little posts with no substance.
And there's something wrong with that? The more robotic a person acts the better.
I completely disagree and I think the vast majority of people would (not that that alone would make me right). I think there should be a balance. One does not want to robotic (except in some situations where it is the only appropriate reaction, which can be true of being noticeably emotional, also) and one does not want to be melodramatic. It can be argued that one is better than the other, but I think that in general, extremes are something to stay away from.
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Emotions are a human weakness and very rarely a strength. You don't see people doing better in life the more emotional they are, that usually just clouds your judgment and makes you make stupid decisions. As much as possible you should function in a more calculating, cold manner.
Again, that isn't balanced. That just sounds to me like favoring one extreme over another.
Ever heard of emotional maturity? The reason people make dumb or careless mistakes is because of the emotions that is conjured up in their minds, not stop thinking and feel what they're really feeling.
From that fear of emotions, I should say that he have a fear of failure, the fear of being useless if he make a mistake.
Stoic, robotic characters always say that feelings are a human's weakness, yet when a character displays their true feelings the stoic one always get defeated. That's not ironic. Emotions are not embed in us to make us weaker, it's our responsibility to control them, to put them in perspective.
The one who fears emotions by saying that it's a human weakness has also a fear of being rejected. If any emotions are felt, there's a chance of rejection either way. So if the stoic charcater in this forum insist that isn't the case, well, you guys know that he's just defending his fears. There's nothing you can say to him that would "help" him, he's going to have to see that for himself.
Sounds like he's one of those men who are awful in bed, they just lay there and don't do anything.
Well...I guess that is a concern for most, but a line like that is a red flag for me because I assume it signals a lack of sympathy as well as empathy for others, which I think is necessary for fulfilling relationships of any kind, even work relationships, really.
I don't agree. I think empathy and sympathy are overrated. I can have a rational understanding of someone else's circumstances without actually empathizing with them. And when it's a friend, I mean I'm not going to get all bent out of shape because a friend is going through a tough time, I'm going to give him rational explanations for how he can get out of it and help himself. Girls are the ones who think it's useful to "listen" and just go, "Awww, that's too bad. Awww, I'm sorry." That doesn't help anything. Guys are problem solvers. If a guy comes to me with what's going on, he's expecting some sort of useful advice or a new way of looking at things. That's what I expect when I ask my guy friends for advice or go over an issue of concern for me.
In general emotions are just what happens when judgment is clouded by extraneous influences. Emotions aren't going to help you problem solve or navigate life in general. I don't agree that you have to be totally stoic, but you should be in the face of negatives, I think. The stoic thinks any expression of emotion good or bad is undesirable. I disagree. Only throw out the bad, not the good with the bad. Expressing positive emotion is a sign of power, like the Tiger Woods patented fist pump for instance, victory over one's opponents. But crying when you lose is showing you're a weakling and have no control over yourself.
Girls are the ones who think it's useful to "listen" and just go, "Awww, that's too bad. Awww, I'm sorry." That doesn't help anything.
(emphasis mine) That's very subjective. That is sometimes exactly what I need. You have to realize that what is best for you is not always what's best for others. Getting ahead of myself to your next bit...sometimes there is no solution. Sometimes there is nothing concrete that can be done, and one can only hope that a friend will say, "I'm sorry," "I understand," and variations on those, depending on what is appropriate for the situation. (Genuinely, of course).
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Guys are problem solvers. If a guy comes to me with what's going on, he's expecting some sort of useful advice or a new way of looking at things. That's what I expect when I ask my guy friends for advice or go over an issue of concern for me.
I don't think these generalizations about the sexes are helpful. Whatever the case, I think anyone is interested in hearing whatever is suitable for the problem at hand. If there is a viable solution, people want advice on what to do. If they think you have more to offer than just "I know--that's awful," they want to hear it, because they want to do something, certainly. That's not just guys. If nothing can be done and they know it, they just want someone to listen. Sometimes that's the only way to come to term with the fact that something is out of your control.
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In general emotions are just what happens when judgment is clouded by extraneous influences.
I think emotions are part of the human experience.
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Emotions aren't going to help you problem solve or navigate life in general.
I disagree. For example, if you're working as a public servant, you need to be able to both empathize/sympathize with customers/patrons/clients/whatever as well as use reasoning to get through those interactions. You don't want to come off as unfeeling, but you also need to avoid being overly emotional when you're dealing with a difficult, dissatisfied person, for example, since you have to be professional. You have to achieve a pretty delicate balance, depending on the situation.
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I don't agree that you have to be totally stoic, but you should be in the face of negatives, I think.
Well, if a negative is an angry customer in a store, for example, I don't think being stoic is the answer. You have to keep your emotions in check, but you also have to show that you understand why the customer has complaints and that you are invested in helping them to solve their problem. (This might not be the best example because so much about dealing with customers can be acting for the sake of appearance of a company, but it's somewhat fitting).
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The stoic thinks any expression of emotion good or bad is undesirable. I disagree. Only throw out the bad, not the good with the bad. Expressing positive emotion is a sign of power, like the Tiger Woods patented fist pump for instance, victory over one's opponents.
Okay. I don't disagree.
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But crying when you lose is showing you're a weakling and have no control over yourself.
In that type of setting, it probably comes off as really melodramatic. But I disagree that one should avoid crying. Too long, I think, society has been telling men that they're less masculine if they cry, or something similarly absurd.
I think it's very girly to cry, I'm sorry, haha, and it does make you less masculine. You can cry when a family member dies, that's fine. There are exceptions. And if you want to cry when you're alone or something, uhh, ok I mean we all have our tough times I guess, but it's not something you should do around other people. It's annoying.
You can understand someone without being emotional, you don't seem to quite be grasping that one, so I don't seem to be able to grasp what you are saying either. I mean, if I was working in customer service and a customer was all angry and said, "Look I'm paying for 100 channels and only 80 of them are working, this is really pissing me off," then I'm going to be like, "Well that is pretty stupid, let me see what's going on here." I mean, I don't have any actual empathy for this person, I could care less if they live or die frankly, I've never met them. But I can figure out that if you're paying for 100 channels, then 100 channels should work, otherwise you're getting ripped off. That's just basic math / logic. It doesn't require me to connect with them emotionally and "put myself in their shoes." It's just a simple matter of they're not getting what they paid for, I'm working for the company and being paid to make the customers happy, and customers will be unhappy when they don't get what they are paying for.
It's not that I'm unable to put myself in someone else's situation in my imagination, I certainly can do that, of course I'd have to be able to do that to work in the film industry, but on a day to day basis I couldn't care less what other peoples' lives are like. I don't sit around thinking, "Gee, if I were a bum sleeping on the streets, that would suck." I'm not a bum sleeping on the streets, I never will be, so I really don't care. Wasting thoughts and energy on that isn't useful at all. I don't have anything in common with those people so I don't feel the need to waste time thinking about it. And I would argue that any such consideration need not be emotional but rational. I don't "emote" when I'm putting myself in someone else's situation, I just think rationally: "If I didn't have a good place to sleep, I could be sleeping with cockroaches, which is nasty. If it got cold, it would be difficult to keep warm. Safety would be a concern because there are gangsters all over." Those are all purely rational considerations, facts, based on the information at hand. There is no emotion that needs to be injected into the situation to make this judgment. A computer could take this information and decide the same thing -- it's bad to be homeless in Los Angeles. It doesn't require "emotions" to make judgments.
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