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Well mrstewart - I am glad that you were able to work things out. I hope I can also. Yesterday I went out with co workers and I thought I would have a blast, the funny thing is - It did not feel right. I just wanted to be home with my family. My WHOLE family which includes my husband. When I got home, I told him I missed him and that I felt he should come back home and we could work on things in therepy. What are some of your thoughts on this. Did I just feel uncomfortable when I was out because it is out of the norm for me or is this really a sign that I was making a mistake and should have him come home?
I already told him that my fear is that things might change for a while but eventually they will creep back to how it is now.
Should I hold off or let him back and see what happens? I know I have asked this before but I cant seem to wrap my head around what is right.
Another thought, I said I miss him and I do, but, I in no way, shape or form miss sex with him. Any thoughts on that at all. I really am so confused.
I think you should hold off and take it slow. You don't want to give hope and than turn him down again. If you don't miss the sex with him, than it seems to me that you love him but are not in love with him. Or you're looking for something perfect, no such thing. We all have flaws.
I don't know how old are you, but maybe you should see a doctor. It could be that you're lacking hormones or something else. Just different thoughts.
Last edited by lostgirl123; 12-04-2008 at 08:55 AM..
Lostgirl123- I understand what your saying about taking it slow. I just feel so down without him. I feel like I am walking around in a fog. Is this normal or a sign that I am making a bad choice? The whole sex thing is a big deal for me. I really dont know why I feel that way. I am 32 but I have felf this way for the last 7 or 8 years, maybe longer. Maybe because we have other issues and that is what makes me lack a desire for sex with him. I really am not sure. does anyone have input on this. Maybe it is normal to feel this way after so many years together.
You were unhappy before, and predictably, now that things have changed you are still unhappy. Meanwhile you are jerking this guy around like a puppet, putting him out on the street then trying to pull him back in, and your kids are in the middle of the puppet show as well.
For everyones sake, please work on yourself and let your husband stay in his own place. If you are unable to do that then hopefully he's strong enough to cut those strings himself, but that's a very tough thing for a family man to do after 16 years.
I was proud of myself for staying out of this thread, but it looks like I got sucked in ultimately : (
Jefetio I do plan to continue to work on myself. He is the only man I have ever been with, he is the father of my children, he is my husband and I admit I had a lapse in judgement, but I feel we should work on this while living together. I am not trying to be a puppet master. People do make mistakes and I am admitting mine. I do have my own serious isses. Still I am looking for insight
Well, it wasn't that long ago that you couldn't bear to be in the same room as he was. I would think some time apart while doing the therapy thing is maybe a good idea. It is good for you to miss him, to re-discover why you fell in love with him, to see things you overlooked after being together all the time. Just an opinion of course.
Jefetio I do plan to continue to work on myself. He is the only man I have ever been with, he is the father of my children, he is my husband and I admit I had a lapse in judgement, but I feel we should work on this while living together. I am not trying to be a puppet master. People do make mistakes and I am admitting mine. I do have my own serious isses. Still I am looking for insight
When you lived together the tension was unbearable and you wanted to escape it. Now you want to pull him back into that, at which point the tension will again be unbearable and you'll want him out.
Maybe you should take some time to go back and read YOUR OWN POSTS! It's called reflection.
You are unhappy. PERIOD. Whether you live with him, or alone, you will "have a cloud over your head". For the love of god, I hope he doesn't allow himself to be dragged back into that house.
I am going to go back and read my own posts. I just feel with the holidays coming he should be with him family. I have already told him to come back and he said yes. Maybe I put all the tension in the home purposely just because I had this infatuation with the guy at work. I really dont know just I thought.
I know you all are right about letting things stay the way they are while we try to work on things. But then I read other posts and other things that state that the majority of separations end in divorce. That makes me wonder if I did the right thing. Also It is very depressing to be alone. I am not sure if how I feel is normal or if it is my minds way of telling me I was making a mistake. Has anyone on this forum felt like everything was just not right after they spilt up. I just feel like I am in a fog and everything in my life is just wrong.
You really do keep the natives around here on their toes. I only read the last post and it sounds like you have done a 360? How did I miss out on the latest developments? Damn and now I have to leave for a few hours so can't catch up, so is there any way you can do an abridged version for me to read on my return? Babes, you sure give those Mexican soap operas a run for their money.
I guess I just am wondering if what I feel is normal for my situation or something telling me I was making the wrong decision. Since he left I just feel like everything is wrong. Like I am walking around in some type of fog. Is that what others have experinced going through similar situations? I think maybe I made the home very tense because of the guy at work. He really threw me for a loop. I do know that the work guy does not care about me, and my husband does.
I am just not sure if I miss my husband or if I just miss having someone around. The fact that I totally do not miss the sex with him hits a nerve with me. You would think after 6 weeks, I would at least think about it but I do not. What do you make of that
MsConfused; you have asked this same question now many times. Each time the advice of posters has been to wait and not to rush into anything.
So what do you do? You tell him to come home because it's Christmas and now you're lonely. You really are a selfish piece of work, confused or not.
So what now? Do you keep posting the same question until someone tells you that you've done the right thing? Ok - you've done the right thing. Does that make it all better now?
What you should have done is stayed in therapy, dated your husband - probably for several months at least, and waited to see how your relationship developed. As you have chosen not to do that, I'm not really sure what to tell you. You're lonely, but whether it's for HIM, or just for a companion who really knows.
I suggest that you make the best of it now - keep going to therapy, and start showing your husband some of the love and respect that the poor guy deserves (if he makes the mistake of moving back in with you). You may have to start off by forcing yourself, but it will probably become more natural with time.
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How did I miss out on the latest developments? Damn and now I have to leave for a few hours so can't catch up, so is there any way you can do an abridged version for me to read on my return? Babes, you sure give those Mexican soap operas a run for their money.
