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I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. In the last few months, I feel he isn`t taking our relationship as seriously as he used to and he seems to be bored, uninterested and feeling restless in the relationship. We are not intimate together anymore and haven't been in months. 6 years is a very long period of time, does that make it justifiable for him to stray and be interested in other women even if it's a temporary thing?
We both work at different places and when we do see each other, he always ends up talking about a blond woman he is currently working on a project with. He tells me that she already has a boyfriend and they are simply just co-workers. However, I am not too sure what he's saying is true because when he talks about her often, all he ever talks about is how "HOT" she is and how all of his male group members thinks she's absolutely "HOT" as well. He has mentioned this to me at least a dozen times. He tells me that the male members wished she didn't have a boyfriend because they would love to date her. He talks about how she is the coolest girl he`s ever met. I have wondered if he too wished she was single so he can date her.
On two separate occasions, they all went out drinking for hours when they were suppose to be working on their project and he didn't bother to tell me he was doing this. He told me about it afterwards.
This woman seems to influence the way he dresses and in everything else he does. So much so that he wants to try her favorite drinks and foods. He constantly checks out other women even when I am with him and admits to doing it when he's with his male friends as well. I understand it`s normal for guys to check out other women for a second or two, even if you are right there with him but my friends say that I should be concerned. Should I be?
I saw that they have been sending each other tons of flirting texts back and forth, none of which had to do with the project. They also call each other regularly as well. I really don't know what to think about this but all I know my intuition is telling me that I should feel uneasy when my own boyfriend texts someone else more than he texts you.
I have told him that I don't like him talking about her when he`s with me. He has said sorry since then but I am afraid that since he knows I don`t like him talking about her, I am worried he will hide more things from me about her or what he thinks of her. I want to ask him if he has feelings for her but I don`t know where to even begin because just thinking about it is devastating enough.
Some great advice would be greatly appreciated on what I should from this point on...
Umm, well I don't think that's a nice way to behave for him. I mean he's spent this much time with you, can't he have the respect not to talk about how HOT this other girl is in front of you? It just seems kind of mean. From my experience girls hate that. I don't mention another girl's looks in front of a girl I am dating, and if I do I'm careful about it, I mean I need to mention sometimes professionally. "I found a very pretty actress for the main role, and she's quite talented so I think it's going to work out well." But I'm not going to say, "Oh my god I was in the mall and I saw the hottest girl today, wow." That just seems mean, to say that to a girl you're dating is bound to make her feel bad, like somehow she's not as hot anymore. It makes me feel bad for you just hearing this story because I don't think it's right... Plus I just think about for me, I don't really like hearing how hot some other guy is. Who cares. Even if it's a girl friend, it makes me feel a bit bad, like I'm not on her hot radar or something and this guy is. So even with girl friends, I rarely mention how hot other girls are, I will still compliment them on their looks and try to make them feel good. I just think it's a sensitive area, it's not the best idea to be talking to a girl about other hot girls.
Also what is all this about how she's the greatest girl? Why do you need to know that? It's rude to be bringing this girl up constantly to you. I don't know if anything is going on, but maybe he wants to see your reaction to all of this, like he's trying to get you angry and see what you do or something. Maybe that's his passive-aggressive way to handle losing interest in the relationship. I don't know. But I don't think any girl deserves having a guy who constantly talks about other girls and how hot they are, it's just not polite. I've dated girls and if they notice another hot girl, they will joke with me, "What do you think about that girl over there? She's hot huh?" Then I'll just smile and say, "Sure, she's good looking." But unless the girl brings it up I'm not saying anything.
Your boyfriend is an immature punk. Pack his crap and move him out ASAP. Unless of course you like torturing yourself. Your not gonna fix this. It's only going to get worse. Have some dignity and take that first step. Seriously.
Your boyfriend is an immature punk. Pack his crap and move him out ASAP. Unless of course you like torturing yourself. Your not gonna fix this. It's only going to get worse. Have some dignity and take that first step. Seriously.
hey im sorry to hear about that! i've been in exact same situation as you. i dated a guy for 3 years when i was younger and he ended up being almost obsessed with this girl (also blonde!). it was annoying more than it was hurtful, but it was very unpleasant regardless, and if i was in love with him it would have been terrible.
anyway i think that your boyfriend has found someone he believes is "better" and the reason he doesn't end the relationship with you is that he is not sure if this other girl is keen. i would pretty much say that your relationship is over, if he is looking at other women in this way and has the audacity to talk about her to you. it's alsmot like he thinks of you as his best mate and not as his lover, judging by the way he feels comfortable talking to you about this girl. all bad signs i'm afraid.
i would leave him if i were you. i just wouldn't be okay with feeling like i was second best in his eyes. and to save your dignity i think you should break up with him first and not wait until he does it.
basically, i think that if this girl was single and open to dating him he would do it.
what happened with my ex though is that after i broke up with him, he asked that blonde girl out and she said no. she only liked him as a friend, and she liked his attention because it was flattering. which is probably the case with your boyfriend too.
again sorry to hear you're going through this but i really don't think that you should allow this guy to treat you like that because it's not good. i had very low self esteem back then when this happened to me, and this guy also loved to put me down once in a while which didn't do any wonders for me. perhaps you also need a self esteem boost to realise that this sort of treatment from your SO is just not ok and you should ask for better.
Your boyfriend is an immature punk. Pack his crap and move him out ASAP. Unless of course you like torturing yourself. Your not gonna fix this. It's only going to get worse. Have some dignity and take that first step. Seriously.
I agree and would add if he has done this once he will do it again. Why provide a safe haven to someone who is obviously "shopping" for a new ride?
Your boyfriend is an immature punk. Pack his crap and move him out ASAP. Unless of course you like torturing yourself. Your not gonna fix this. It's only going to get worse. Have some dignity and take that first step. Seriously.
Well said. I couldn't agree more!
(P.S Congratulations to you, Rance and also to Sweden!)
It amazes me how people in long term relationships all of a sudden think there is something "better" out there. I'd have a serious discussion with him, and if it turns into a huge fight where you break up, you're probably better off. If he can't even see why this would bother you, then he's not worth it.
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