It's Friiiiidaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!
How To End A Relationship
By Mary V. Kolar
Ending a relationship is never easy to do. The most difficulty comes in trying to hide the body. Everyone is a C.S.I. nowadays, making it a most difficult undertaking (excuse the pun) and there seems to be a lack of information about how to dispose of remains quickly and effectively. It doesn't need to be difficult, if you just pay heed to the following rules.
Rule #1: Chopping And Dicing Is For Food Only
Your ex is not food, so you should abstain from using any kitchen implement to chop, dice or cut in any manner. It makes quite a mess and the clean up time doesn't make it time effective. Besides, those nasty blood spatters can easily be found with modern technology.
Rule #2: No Double Parking
Getting rid of the ex's car can be a major problem. There are always those nosy neighbors. Keeping this in mind, it is probably best to make the final - the very final goodbye at his place. That way, you don't have to worry about what to do with his vehicle.
Rule #3: Throw The Trash Out
Just as unwanted refuse clutter up our lives making it unpleasant, so can ex's. Treating both the same way is the way to handle things. Make a trip to the local large do-it-yourself mega-warehouse and buy a large trashcan on wheels. Most bodies will fit snugly inside one of the larger models conveniently (as long as you don't wait to long.) It can be quite a workout to actually get the body in securely, but think of the calories you will burn.
Rule #4: Let The Sunshine In
A common error is to think that the night offers cover. This is an error of judgment many inmates look back upon in remorse. The fact of the matter is that you take the garbage out during the day. So, you cart the garbage out in late-afternoon as the kids are getting home from school, stay-at-home Moms are frantically trying to get dinner ready, while listening to the kids scream about their day. People aren't very attentive when they are hassled, hungry and busy. Very few will notice someone loading a trunk. Just act natural and blend right in.
Rule #5: Take A Vacation
It's always best to get away after an emotional break up. A girl needs time to recuperate. Stop at a local tree nursery and pick up a couple of saplings. Take a drive up into the forest, perhaps one that recently had a fire, and plant the saplings. Make sure to also pick up a good shovel at the nursery as well. Once again, it will be a good workout, as you will need to dig at least a six-foot hole. Place the rolling garbage in the hole, plant the sapling on top and then treat yourself to a nice dinner. You deserve it. It's good to care about our forests. You are a good person.
How to End a Relationship-Happy Woman Magazine (Satire/Parody)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
, but please make sure we don't hear about it on the news!
