Baring It All: My Universal Call for an Extraordinary Woman (cheating, attracted)
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Maybe your past relationships just weren't meant to be. What is wrong with a subpar woman believing she is the greatest thing alive? Maybe you have some issues...you have a really suspicious look on your face in the pic.
Then what is wrong with a suspicious looking guy with issues believing HE is the greatest thing alive?
Maybe he's a serial killer, maybe there are little green monsters under your bed....
I find it ironic that so many love to give advice to some of the hapless and emotionally wrung outs about their messed up life's. People who can't make a decision and stick to it can still command several threads of over 30 pages all dedicated to one single problem - their stupidity. People still find the time and patience to respond to these jokers, yet here's a young man with high standards who has a pretty clear idea of what he wants in a partner and he's been villified? Give him a chance.
I find it ironic that so many love to give advice to some of the hapless and emotionally wrung outs about their messed up life's. People who can't make a decision and stick to it can still command several threads of over 30 pages all dedicated to one single problem - their stupidity. People still find the time and patience to respond to these jokers, yet here's a young man with high standards who has a pretty clear idea of what he wants in a partner and he's been villified? Give him a chance.
Maybe we've met his kind before.
He's made it clear no ordinary woman will do for him. He wants an extraordinary one. Problem is, she's not going to want him. An extraordinary woman will want an extraordinary man and one who needs to come to bb's for advice on his failed love life, likely isn't one. In fact, one who puts out an ad for an "extraordinary" woman has set himself on a pedestal and there's likely no room for her if he finds her anyway.
Trust me. If he were all that, he wouldn't have to post here. Women are attracted to successful, self assured, intelligent and principled (sp?) men. They're like magnets. Any guy who has to tell you he's such a man most likely is only one in his own imagination.
I've met several men in my lifetime who could have written his posts. They were successful in business ventures and casual freindships but couldn't manage a close relationship because they loved themselves too much for there to be any room for someone else and they can't admit it. They say they want this extraordinary woman but what they really want is a woman who will admire them as an extraordinary man. Then they get PO'd when they find all she wanted was his money. Honestly, what did they expect? Go looking for a little girl to adore you, and that's exactly what you'll get.
These are not men who want to give a woman respect and adoration. They want her to give it to them. It feeds their narcissism.
I didn't start this thread to ask for help. I started it to create a discussion. I love how some of you believe to have a perfect stranger all figured out. An extraordinary woman to me isn't someone of high class, great wealth, etc. What's extraordinary to me is a woman who cares about others, is willing to reciprocate love, has big dreams, is loved and respected by her friends and family, etc.
I am nothing like the men you've dated and I don't need anyone attempting to determine my status, self-worth and other baseless crap when they know nothing about the life I lead.
Finally, it's absolutly absurd to assume that someone can't be successful if they are a member of a forum. Very small thinking on your part. And for the record, I don't lack interest from women on the street or online. I simply refuse to be the man who jumps everytime a woman stares at him.
Your argument is just plain nonsense. I've always been a loving person who has strived for attracting great and healthy relationships. My problem in the past is that I was simply naive and too trusting of women. I seriously used to think that only men were bad for lying, cheating, etc.
After kissing ass and trying to please women for several years (it's how men grow up), you better believe that I have a higher degree of appreciation for my values, morals, lifestyle and a lot more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Maybe we've met his kind before.
He's made it clear no ordinary woman will do for him. He wants an extraordinary one. Problem is, she's not going to want him. An extraordinary woman will want an extraordinary man and one who needs to come to bb's for advice on his failed love life, likely isn't one. In fact, one who puts out an ad for an "extraordinary" woman has set himself on a pedestal and there's likely no room for her if he finds her anyway.
Trust me. If he were all that, he wouldn't have to post here. Women are attracted to successful, self assured, intelligent and principled (sp?) men. They're like magnets. Any guy who has to tell you he's such a man most likely is only one in his own imagination.
I've met several men in my lifetime who could have written his posts. They were successful in business ventures and casual freindships but couldn't manage a close relationship because they loved themselves too much for there to be any room for someone else and they can't admit it. They say they want this extraordinary woman but what they really want is a woman who will admire them as an extraordinary man. Then they get PO'd when they find all she wanted was his money. Honestly, what did they expect? Go looking for a little girl to adore you, and that's exactly what you'll get.
These are not men who want to give a woman respect and adoration. They want her to give it to them. It feeds their narcissism.
I didn't start this thread to ask for help. I started it to create a discussion. I love how some of you believe to have a perfect stranger all figured out. An extraordinary woman to me isn't someone of high class, great wealth, etc. What's extraordinary to me is a woman who cares about others, is willing to reciprocate love, has big dreams, is loved and respected by her friends and family, etc.
I am nothing like the men you've dated and I don't need anyone attempting to determine my status, self-worth and other baseless crap when they know nothing about the life I lead.
Finally, it's absolutly absurd to assume that someone can't be successful if they are a member of a forum. Very small thinking on your part. And for the record, I don't lack interest from women on the street or online. I simply refuse to be the man who jumps everytime a woman stares at him.
Your argument is just plain nonsense. I've always been a loving person who has strived for attracting great and healthy relationships. My problem in the past is that I was simply naive and too trusting of women. I seriously used to think that only men were bad for lying, cheating, etc.
After kissing ass and trying to please women for several years (it's how men grow up), you better believe that I have a higher degree of appreciation for my values, morals, lifestyle and a lot more.
Well, you're just one of many we've seen over the years looking for love on the internet because they can't seem to find it in person and I'd take a wild guess and say that your opinoin of yourself and your situation is just a wee bit biased .
You can call my argument nonsense if you want but I'm not the one who has to post on BB's because I can't manage a love life (In fact, I was still getting, serious, propositions when I was 40 and had been married for 20 years - but I'm successful, bright and principled and those are attractive qualities ).
Sorry, seen this many times before. You need to take a long look in the mirror until you see what the exraordinary women who are avoiding you out there see. They're out there. They're just not looking for you. If you were half of what you claim to be, you'd have no problem in your love life. When you have repeatedly had the same problem in your love life, you need to look at the common denominator. Namely, YOU!!!
May I suggest a few sessions with a relationship counselor. They might prove enlightening.
As to this BB: There are many successful people here. They just don't feel the need to tell everyone else about their success. Honestly, you come across as someone whose self esteem is dependent on his sucess and who is stuck on himself. Those are real turn offs to women. Because you focus on your success, you're quite likely to attract women who are focused on your success, which you seem to have already done. You are, after all, the one who came here complaining that the women you attract are more attracted to what you have than who you are. Exactly what are you using for bait here? Whatever it is, you're, repeatedly, catching the wrong fish. The fact you keep attracting women who are interested in what you earn moreso than you as a person speaks volumes and it doesn't speak to the female half of the race but rather the particular females you attract. If the same thing keeps happening over and over, you need to look at what you're doing to cause it to happen.
Try joining a singles group and DON'T talk about your successes. Make it a point to never mention what you do for a living. If my guess is right, this exercise will prove very difficult for you. Your problem is very likely that you are too hung up on yourself and your success. You see yourself as "All that". That's a total turn off. Women don't want men who think they're all that. We want men who think WE'RE all that,
I don't think you're being honest with yourself WRT what you really want. I suspect you want some little girl who will look up to you and see you as you see yourself in your imagination. She's out there too but she'll likely move on when she grows up.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 12-27-2008 at 05:45 PM..
First, I give you credit for staying on here- you're playing to a tough crowd! I think I understand what you meant in posting-
You state that in the past you allowed women to define you, but that you are now carving out your own identity. I'd venture to guess that most, if not all of us have or are going through that evolution of defining/redefining ourselves, not trying to fit someone else's definition of what we should be.
And who among us couldn't or hasn't been through the laundry list of negative characteristics of the opposite sex when kvetching about relationships gone bad? But trust me, that is the stuff to talk about with your buddies over a beer, not to others, especially the opposite sex. It just comes off as B-A-G-G-A-G-E.
You mention that you grew up in an unhealthy family. It is my belief that when someone grows up in a disfunctional family, it is harder to see things in shades of grey, instead seeing actions and interpretting behavior in others as right or wrong. Without being raised with a healthy set of boundaries and mutual respect, many tend to go from one extreme to the other in relating to others. It's harder to let some things slide. People are good or bad, right or wrong. But in a relationship, each should work toward putting in 120%, knowing that at times, each will only be able to give 80%.
I get the whole "I command" thing, too, although I can see why the wording was a turn off to most. I think you mean something along the lines of "name it and claim it" thinking. Throw it out there and it will come back to you.
The picture- I agree with the other posters- you're hot and I'm sure you chose it to show self-confindence, but I think it is coming off as arrogance. A candid pix of you making those cards for the sick kids or cropped from a pix with friends would better show the real you, IMO. I'm sure tha you could post three and we would pick the best (I've done that on here for a work-related photo need)
One thing that you posted did pop out at me and may, since you asked (no, I know that you didn't, but this is CD- we ALL know what is good for EVERYONE!)
You said-
Quote:
Originally Posted by ronaldl79
I don't have time to 'control' anyone. I am always trying to encourage people and help them realize their full potential in life.
It is good for parents, managers or volunteers with youth or the homeless to encourage people and help them reach their full potential. It does not make for a healthy, mutually satisfying loving relationship. And since you grew up with no sibs, ie- no sisters- let me tell you about most of us- when we are down and complaining about a problem, we only want someone to listen, we don't want someone to help us solve the problem.
And finally, it sounds as though you want to be in a relationship and you're looking for a woman to be the puzzle piece that fits. I think it's best to work on the whole puzzle that is your life- from the borders in- you'll find that one special piece when you least expect it.
Well, you're just one of many we've seen over the years looking for love on the internet because they can't seem to find it in person and I'd take a wild guess and say that your opinoin of yourself and your situation is just a wee bit biased .
Let's understand something here: I don't live for finding love. I live for learning, growing, prospering and succeeding. The Internet, like any resource, should be used to one's advantage. I do not rely on the Internet for the sole purpose of finding love. I meet women all the time without the aid of a computer.
Now, with that out of the way, I hope we're on the same page about this finding love and using the Internet. Hell, I don't even date, let alone go out of my way to approach women on a frequent basis.
Quote:
You can call my argument nonsense if you want but I'm not the one who has to post on BB's because I can't manage a love life (In fact, I was still getting, serious, propositions when I was 40 and had been married for 20 years - but I'm successful, bright and principled and those are attractive qualities ).
Your argument is indeed nonsense. You do know that a relationship requires the participation and dedication of two people, right? One cannot manage a relationship alone. It requires two people. Let me guess -- You probably think that a man should shoulder the burden of dating, right?
Well, let's see. I've only seriously been with three women in all of my 29 years here on Earth. In each relationship, I more than carried my own weight and then some. I have always treated each woman with kindness, respect, etc. I have always made the best effort to be understanding, attentive, loving, compromising, etc.
And what's this garbage about posting on a BB. You're here, aren't you? If you're so busy with a great love life, why is there time to even bash me with your attitude? Shouldn't you be in the arms of your lover, watching a great movie and enjoying a nice meal together? Or, taking a nice walk on the town and taking in the lovely sights and sounds of the night?
And what happened to your marriage? 20 years is a long time to be together. I can't imagine being with anyone for so long only to divorce. I'll bet that you actually asked for a divorce because you probably weren't happy in the marriage for reasons you've rationalized in your mind. Typical of women such as yourself with such attitude who's hell bent on always busting the balls of decent men who know what they actually want out of life.
Oh, and you're not at all unique with being bright and such. I *know* I have dozens of redeeming qualities that a wonderful and decent woman would appreciate. I have women your age telling me this all the time and they know a lot more about who I am than you do.
Quote:
Sorry, seen this many times before. You need to take a long look in the mirror until you see what the exraordinary women who are avoiding you out there see. They're out there. They're just not looking for you. If you were half of what you claim to be, you'd have no problem in your love life. When you have repeatedly had the same problem in your love life, you need to look at the common denominator. Namely, YOU!!!
If more women approached men, I'm sure I'd know where some of these decent women are. Imagine the daunting task of scheduling dozens of dates each month just to try and meet one decent woman. For you, it's easy to meet plenty of men, because all you have to do is show up.
By the way, I always take a long hard look at myself in the mirror. I am very critical of myself, which is why I always keep myself in check. I know who I am, what I am and what I want out of life. I know I've done the right thing by people, which is why my life is overflowing in abundance with extraordinary people who I love very much.
Quote:
May I suggest a few sessions with a relationship counselor. They might prove enlightening.
You know, my ex and I actually tried counseling a few times. She didn't bother to mention the origin of the problem in our relationship: Her cheating, lying, etc.
What were you saying about attracting like people again? I've never cheated on a woman before. I've never lied to her about another woman. I've never used a woman for personal gain before. The fact of the matter is that many women are GOOD at manipulating men when they're naive and unassuming. Most men have deal with this type of woman before only because of how we've been raised to think about dating and women.
Quote:
As to this BB: There are many successful people here. They just don't feel the need to tell everyone else about their success. Honestly, you come across as someone whose self esteem is dependent on his sucess and who is stuck on himself. Those are real turn offs to women. Because you focus on your success, you're quite likely to attract women who are focused on your success, which you seem to have already done. You are, after all, the one who came here complaining that the women you attract are more attracted to what you have than who you are. Exactly what are you using for bait here? Whatever it is, you're, repeatedly, catching the wrong fish. The fact you keep attracting women who are interested in what you earn moreso than you as a person speaks volumes and it doesn't speak to the female half of the race but rather the particular females you attract. If the same thing keeps happening over and over, you need to look at what you're doing to cause it to happen.
I'm not telling anyone about my success. Where am I boasting about all of my achievements in life? Point it out to me and I'll be happy to stand corrected.
Also, I never stated that women are attracted to me for what I have. Where did you get that from? Let me repeat what I've always desired in a woman since I was a little boy: A woman who thought of more than just herself. A woman who has a heart to love herself and others. A woman who wants to do great things to help others. A woman who isn't afraid of commitment and being loved by a man with an equally big heart.
Given the state of our society and how out of touch we've become with our values, can you honestly say that there's a large number of people who embody the above? Yes, they ARE out there, but NOT in large numbers. That's the challenge. I cannot tell you how many women have told me in simple conversation about their fear of commitment, etc. On the outset, these women are very nice, but they have some unresolved things to address so that they can one day become a loving woman instead of discarding men like tissue.
Quote:
Try joining a singles group and DON'T talk about your successes. Make it a point to never mention what you do for a living. If my guess is right, this exercise will prove very difficult for you. Your problem is very likely that you are too hung up on yourself and your success. You see yourself as "All that". That's a total turn off. Women don't want men who think they're all that. We want men who think WE'RE all that,
No need to, really. As I mentioned earlier, I meet women all the time -- Just not for the purpose of dating. Also, I never talk about my success to anyone. I normally ask the questions and listen. I don't talk a lot about myself, and if I do, it's about how I see the world, my interests, family, friends, etc.
What's the first question that comes from the average woman's mouth when she's attempting to qualify a man? "Soo.....what do you do?" This seems to be a question that's almost impossible to avoid.
Oh, and you prove a great point: You don't want men to think highly of themselves, but you do want them to think highly of you. I am NOT "All of that". I'm a very modest and humble guy, but I also know my self-worth, value, etc.
Quote:
I don't think you're being honest with yourself WRT what you really want. I suspect you want some little girl who will look up to you and see you as you see yourself in your imagination. She's out there too but she'll likely move on when she grows up.
LOL! You're hilarious! I love it!
I want a woman who desires to make a difference in the world. A woman I could possibly raise a wonderful family with that will grow up to raise wonderful families of their own. A woman who believes in shared sacrifice in a relationship. A woman who can be my partner and I hers. I don't want a woman to look up to me -- I want her to stand next to me while we conquer our dreams and goals together. That's what I've always wanted. Always.
I've never been delusional about this woman. Ever. I want to meet someone in the future that will keep me on my toes, challenge me to think about things I never thought of, introduce me to new experiences, see the world, do great things for the less fortunate together, etc. What I desire in a woman isn't asking much. I embody all of these things and more and I refuse to feel bad about desiring the same in a mate.
First, I give you credit for staying on here- you're playing to a tough crowd! I think I understand what you meant in posting-
Thanks, but honestly, I'm used to this type of crowd. When you don't follow the norm, people are prone to respond in unexpected ways. It's just a fact of life.
Quote:
You state that in the past you allowed women to define you, but that you are now carving out your own identity. I'd venture to guess that most, if not all of us have or are going through that evolution of defining/redefining ourselves, not trying to fit someone else's definition of what we should be.
This is more true for men. Women are trained to be princesses and men as princes. So, there are many men who grew up thinking they had to SERVE women in order to have a girlfriend, have sex, etc. That was previously my thinking, of which I've changed in the last few years and I'm so grateful that I did. Today, I view women no differently from men. It's all about a level playing field with me and I understand that there isn't anything 'level' about dating, because who benefits from it the most? Women.
Quote:
And who among us couldn't or hasn't been through the laundry list of negative characteristics of the opposite sex when kvetching about relationships gone bad? But trust me, that is the stuff to talk about with your buddies over a beer, not to others, especially the opposite sex. It just comes off as B-A-G-G-A-G-E.
I wished I liked beer, but I've rarely discussed issues from my past with women unless I was asked.
Quote:
You mention that you grew up in an unhealthy family. It is my belief that when someone grows up in a disfunctional family, it is harder to see things in shades of grey, instead seeing actions and interpretting behavior in others as right or wrong. Without being raised with a healthy set of boundaries and mutual respect, many tend to go from one extreme to the other in relating to others. It's harder to let some things slide. People are good or bad, right or wrong. But in a relationship, each should work toward putting in 120%, knowing that at times, each will only be able to give 80%.
Yes and it shaped my value system and who I am today. Many people choose to become victims of their environments. I chose to become a champion and embraced a model that I knew would work well in life and for raising a family in the future. I am a very flexible guy. I am also very forgiving as well, but when there's no sign of improvement, it's time to move on.
Quote:
I get the whole "I command" thing, too, although I can see why the wording was a turn off to most. I think you mean something along the lines of "name it and claim it" thinking. Throw it out there and it will come back to you.
Yes, the wording is strong, but it's how I think and how I live my life when it comes to believing in my ability to achieve a new dream, goal, purpose or desire.
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The picture- I agree with the other posters- you're hot and I'm sure you chose it to show self-confindence, but I think it is coming off as arrogance. A candid pix of you making those cards for the sick kids or cropped from a pix with friends would better show the real you, IMO. I'm sure tha you could post three and we would pick the best (I've done that on here for a work-related photo need)
I only like that picture because of the bench and the 'suspicious eye'. Also, because I staged the shoot myself. :-)
Quote:
It is good for parents, managers or volunteers with youth or the homeless to encourage people and help them reach their full potential. It does not make for a healthy, mutually satisfying loving relationship. And since you grew up with no sibs, ie- no sisters- let me tell you about most of us- when we are down and complaining about a problem, we only want someone to listen, we don't want someone to help us solve the problem.
I agree and disagree. Yes, one should listen to their mate about their problems, frustrations, etc. I happen to enjoy listening to people and learning about what makes them tick and so on. I like giving an ear and people appreciate it. However, I also believe that couples should work together to inspire each other when faced with challenges in life.
Quote:
And finally, it sounds as though you want to be in a relationship and you're looking for a woman to be the puzzle piece that fits. I think it's best to work on the whole puzzle that is your life- from the borders in- you'll find that one special piece when you least expect it.
No, I've never looked at women as a component of my own big picture. I've always seen women as complimenting my life. As I've mentioned times before, I don't date. Instead, I choose to focus on living my life and pursuing my goals and dreams. I've spent years between relationships and there's the occasional period (like now) where I might forget about everything else that's going on and think to myself, "Hey! It would be nice to meet a decent woman out there."
I've reached a juncture in life where I'm starting to think above love again. It has always been very low on my list of priorities and now that I can't seem to keep it on the back burner as usual, I'm curious again. Eventually, when the time is right, I know I'll meet the woman who embodies my basic desires in a mate. She won't be a supermodel or some rich daddy's girl. She'll be a wholesome, loving, modest, kind, giving and all around great woman. I look forward to meeting her.
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(I've done that on here for a work-related photo need)
