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Thanks for asking....I work day shift, therefore I have to go to bed EARLY.
Which I know is a killer for him. He works 3rd shift, which is a hard shift to handle anyway.
Other than that, nothing has changed. Same routine it has been for 6 months.
Sorry to hear that you guys are on different shifts like that. Mrs Chow is starting to think about a new job and I'm insisting that she's does the day shift like me.
He is 31, and a sex fing! Who used to be a porn addict. Is he missing the vision of that?
31 is too darn young for a guy to be feeling a downward slope in sex drive. Something isn't right. Is his BP high due to weight? Maybe he's gotten too heavy and the combination of meds and weight has him feeling lethargic? If he wants porn more than you then that is a BIG TIME problem in my book (porn AND you is a different story...nothing wrong with that). Sure, you could try to spice things up, but it sounds to me that the problem is him not you.
sidebar: why, why, why is it that SO many people with mismatched sex drives end up in relationships together? What is this world coming to? Or, I suppose more precisely, some are coming to and some aren't...
I offered to watch a little porn on the net with him tonight. He told me no, because he knows that I will just end up getting mad.
I explained to him, that its my idea..I am suggesting it. Take the offer!
He refused, so ???
I tried. I may add that we have never, ever had a low sex drive before!
Hmmm...I think its because we don`t have sex just anytime we want it anymore.
How long have you been together as a couple? I feel that it is in the nature of all long term relationships that even in a strong loving relationship, things change and evolve. With my current relationship, we feel that it's composed of equal parts of love, lust and like for each other. And there is more lust in the early years, particularly in the first five years of being a couple physically. Then I feel that the crush feelings turn into a mature true love after that if all is going well between them. And one possible reason for our high divorce rates is couples freaking out when they start to lose the crush feelings between them, they miss that "high. And when the crush feelings start to fade, that's when the little mundane things like dirty laundry strewn in the corners of the bedroom or the spouse's laugh becomes annoying.
Then, he's 31. And most of the men I know that are around 30 years old tend to go through their first mid-life crisis as they feel their 20's and their youth pass. So that could be a nagging point of distress for him, especially since he's now on a few meds.
Working different shifts can put a real damper on a couple's sex drive. His working the 3rd shift is tough. And it pays more because it messes up having a normal life so much. Is the 3rd shift a short term situation? I think that your husband should try get out of that shift as soon as possible. If it's for the money, then the two of you should focus, both work hard to save your money faster for your goals so that you can both work the same hours and be a happier couple.
I met my boyfriend when he was 22, and now he is 27. His sex drive is still there, but there is less interest in all day marathons. Does it worry or bother me? No, because while the quantity is less, the quality is still high.
Otherwise, I feel that if your husband really loves you, he should still make the effort to keep you physically satisfied in the bedroom. He should still want to pleasure you, even if he isn't as interested in his own needs. And even when sex isn't on his mind, he should want to make you feel beautiful and good about yourself. And that's a message you need to gently get across to him. Sometimes, when I am too tired from work to want to play in the bedroom, my boyfriend will rub my back and massage my feet. Then in the morning when I am fully rested, I will reciprocate by seducing and pleasuring him. In a long term relationship where there is much love and affection, every physical encounter doesn't have to culminate in both having orgasms.
As to his former porn addiction, maybe he's just gotten bored with it or is growing up. He may not admit to you that he's not impressed by porn any longer as it ties in with his getting older. And it's a guess as my boyfriend and I aren't into porn, but feel that it's more for teenagers and people that aren't getting "it". Your husband has you, so what does he need to look at porn for? How much inspiration does one really need? There are only so many positions and combinations. lol
And that brings me to another suggestion, the two of you trying yoga... and eventually trying tantric yoga like Sting and his wife do.
why, why, why is it that SO many people with mismatched sex drives end up in relationships together? What is this world coming to? Or, I suppose more precisely, some are coming to and some aren't...
The thing is you always start out going at it like rabbits...then somewhere along the way it fizzles...darn shame though....I wanna be like a rabbit in my 80's
Brother, they really must not make them as they used to anymore... With my preference of a pretty big age difference in their favor most of my life so far, my only problem ever was how to slow them down. Looks like I should look into younger dudes if I want some peace. Sorry, girlie, no experience with having to perk guys up.
I'm and older guy (63), plus I've had hormone problems caused by a messed-up pituitary gland for decades, so I can relate all too well. But we still have an active sex life, hampered only because my wife is tired from work five days a week. On weekends, look out! So yeah, I've had the problems, but I've also got the solutions; we've just got to figure out what works best for you and hubby.
The first step is timing. With conflicting work schedules I don't know what will work for you, but every guy is at his sexual peak when he first awakens. That's when he's the most rested, before he's been through a stressful day, before he's had that whiskey, etc., etc. If you can time your amorous activities for HIS morning hours, he'll respond better. It makes all the difference in the world with me.
Self assuredness is vital to a guy's sexual performance. Someone uptopic advised you not to come on too strong. It bears repeating. If he feels pressure to perform and can't, it'll come back to haunt him for a long time. Each time he wants a little lovin, he'll question himself, and when doubt arises, libido falls. Don't forget that; it's very important. And don't over-talk the problem. Anyway, he doesn't have a "problem". It's just a... just a "thing". Okay? Got it?
One way to keep the self-doubting at curb is to keep the frequency to a realistic level. When a guy is in his prime he's happiest when he can have sex several times a day, but as libido drops, once every day or two or even three might be the realistic limit. You and he can judge what's best for both of you, just like every other couple does, but you'll probably have to reduce the frequency from what it once was. When he gets his blood pressure under control (without drugs), he should be back in prime form.
This isn't the proper forum for details, but initial sexual arousal comes from the brain, so use yours to stimulate his. You should know what he likes, so don't be afraid to offer it up the best way you know how when the time comes. Sexy outfits are usually great, sexy eye contact is even better, along with that cute li'l grin I'm sure you've got. Talk, play, get down and dirty or whatever turns him on or whatever is fun. (We once got a new mattress with the plastic cover on it. Left the plastic on it and added a cup of vegetable oil on top. Now THAT was fun!) If you need ideas, read up or get some sex-ed tapes. My late wife and I got a series from Sinclair Institute that was both educational and provocative.
If it's still not up to snuff, he should see his doctor about it. With BP meds he probably can't take Viagra, etc. (if ED's a problem), but he might have low testosterone levels, and that could be corrected with pills, shots, or patches. A different BP medicine might be in order too.
I want to add that laughter is a great aphrodisiac, at least for us. Being lighthearted and silly with each other is as sexy as me dressing up in lingerie. If you are being obvious about spicing things up with your husband, he sees your obvious strategy and will tense up. So consider trying a more roundabout way to getting him in a better mood for being playful. Also non-erotic massages might relax him in a good way. So give him massages that are affectionate, caring and not as foreplay. If he lets you know that his mood is shifting, then go with it. But let him lead the way.
Sorry, I'm not in a horny mood and can't help but think how much fun it would be had the plastic had an invisible hole...
Well, seeing as how it was a super-cheap mattress for a guest room -- one of those where you don't want anyone to stay more than one night....
Trust me on this one, it was fun just as it was. I can't remember ever laughing harder or longer. Staying on the bed was about all we could manage.
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Looks like I should look into younger dudes if I want some peace.
