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Not in my marriage. But I'll tell you what I've observed in marriages where that occurs.
It seems that some women, just like some men, have decided ideas about what they want in life and, by God, they're going to steamroll anybody who stands in their way or even have a differing opinion. Women just tend to be more subtle about it at first.
So three-five years into the relationship, the guy finds that he's on the treadmill to pay for the entire Donna Reed confection of domestic bliss and its trappings. The house and its furbishments. The cute kids with budding talents at tennis or violin. The ongoing efforts to keep up with the Jonses. And he dutifully plods on, buoyed by vague promises that it will get better. But in the meantime, you better keep working, mister.
Then as often as not, sometime in his forties with his best years ebbing away (And, more often and not, prompted by the shocking premature death of a close acquaintance who has worked himself into an early grave), he wakes up and says, "Wait a minute! This isn't what I wanted at all! I'll be dead in twenty years and all I have to show for it is a cute house decorated to my wife's taste." Then he rebels, buys a sports car, and finds somebody on the side who doesn't necessarily see him as a provider of household chores and funding for whatever whim she saw in the latest issue of Interior Design magazine.
This man will be roundly mocked by her circle of friends, of course, as going through the Mid-Life crisis or Male Menopause, when what he really wants in life is to have a fair measure of his freedom restored to him, as well as an opportunity to get what he really wants in life. The wife, of course, is shocked, for she doesn't realize that she was the partly author of his desperation, the reason he lashed out, the reason for his mad dash to self-determination. And, for every guy like this, there is a female counterpart who was trapped in a one-way marriage.
The object lesson of this? It's a partnership. And long-term marriages are based not on what you want, but what you both want. And the earlier you really listen to the needs of your spouse, the healthier your marriage will ultimately be. And if you don't say what you want in the relationship early on, you really have to share the blame for your own later unhappiness.
Submission is not a bad thing. It's the skewed selfish applications that men have pushed on their women in the past that have caused women of today to look at a man as their 'head' with a negative outlook. All arrangements have a defined leader, and it's the man's natural role in a marriage. Not saying the woman has no say; a good husband will definitely listen to his wife's input, and a good husband considers both their needs (but especially the need of his wife and family before his own).
But the man is the one who makes the decision, and even if the wife doesn't totally agree with it, a good wife will go along with it if it's not threatening her life.
And even if you don't want to be married, unless you want a life of one night stands, flings, and no strings attachments, you will find yourself in some kind of relationship. Even the women who say they want it to be 50/50 in a relationship love a man who takes the lead. It's natural. So don't fight it, accept it. You just have to be selective in who you decide to spend your life with. Good men (not necessary those wimpy good guys we forever discuss), though not perfect, make good family heads.
Although I like to get my way, as do most of us, I wouldn't have an ounce of respect for my DH if he let me walk all over him. I couldn't stand a man who couldn't stand behind his own thoughts, feelings or viewpoints.
DH and I voice our opinions, which aren't always in agreement and sometimes the discussion gets heated. Both of us are strong-willed and opinionated and are determined to be heard!
When it's all said and done, we know who feels strongly about something and where each other stands on a topic. We also usually realize that our opinions aren't written in stone and see that there is another way to view things. Then we try to compromise as best we can.
This doesn't occur until the next day though since we both have to stew for a bit. LOL!!!
My wife is submissive to me and she likes it that way. She believes that is the role that God has called for her to be as the wife. She certainly will give her input and express her feelings and opinions, but she expects me to make the final decision as head of the house. But, really, we are so often in agreement and are "on the same page" that we rarely experience any discord. Additionally, I don't abuse my role as head of the house and having her in the submissive role. I go about it all with the attitude that I am to love and serve her to meet her needs as well. Big picture
My wife is submissive to me and she likes it that way. She believes that is the role that God has called for her to be as the wife. She certainly will give her input and express her feelings and opinions, but she expects me to make the final decision as head of the house. But, really, we are so often in agreement and are "on the same page" that we rarely experience any discord. Additionally, I don't abuse my role as head of the house and having her in the submissive role. I go about it all with the attitude that I am to love and serve her to meet her needs as well. Big picture
That's how it should work. You have a good wife there!
Not in my marriage. But I'll tell you what I've observed in marriages where that occurs.
It seems that some women, just like some men, have decided ideas about what they want in life and, by God, they're going to steamroll anybody who stands in their way or even have a differing opinion. Women just tend to be more subtle about it at first.
So three-five years into the relationship, the guy finds that he's on the treadmill to pay for the entire Donna Reed confection of domestic bliss and its trappings. The house and its furbishments. The cute kids with budding talents at tennis or violin. The ongoing efforts to keep up with the Jonses. And he dutifully plods on, buoyed by vague promises that it will get better. But in the meantime, you better keep working, mister.
Then as often as not, sometime in his forties with his best years ebbing away (And, more often and not, prompted by the shocking premature death of a close acquaintance who has worked himself into an early grave), he wakes up and says, "Wait a minute! This isn't what I wanted at all! I'll be dead in twenty years and all I have to show for it is a cute house decorated to my wife's taste." Then he rebels, buys a sports car, and finds somebody on the side who doesn't necessarily see him as a provider of household chores and funding for whatever whim she saw in the latest issue of Interior Design magazine.
This man will be roundly mocked by her circle of friends, of course, as going through the Mid-Life crisis or Male Menopause, when what he really wants in life is to have a fair measure of his freedom restored to him, as well as an opportunity to get what he really wants in life. The wife, of course, is shocked, for she doesn't realize that she was the partly author of his desperation, the reason he lashed out, the reason for his mad dash to self-determination. And, for every guy like this, there is a female counterpart who was trapped in a one-way marriage.
The object lesson of this? It's a partnership. And long-term marriages are based not on what you want, but what you both want. And the earlier you really listen to the needs of your spouse, the healthier your marriage will ultimately be. And if you don't say what you want in the relationship early on, you really have to share the blame for your own later unhappiness.
If this was reversed, would the woman be looked at like a wimp or a victim? I think most would cry domestic abuse (verbal, physical, whatever). It shouldn't be ok to revel in the emasculation of men by strong willed/bossy women, but shun a domineering take charge man who "runs the show" for a lack of better words.
Our pre-marital counselor told my wife and I time and time again, that the man runs the show, because if it all goes down the tank, the man is blamed, so he might as well set it up so he is comfortable with making the decision should it fail from the get go
assertiveness training has become a frankenstein. many elements of the womens movement were in their inception good, but mutated. using their love for you to breakdown and control another human for selfish motives is evil. yes it has the appearance of marriage and home, but its still just evil on a stick. what is sad is so many that read this are not angry about it being done, they are angry that they are no longer in a position to do it.
your dog is gone.
your dog is gone
he used to follow you and obey
now he runs barks and plays
he used to do your deeds and beg
now romps and wags tail & head
happy dogs dont get used like rags
they are made to see the sun and be glad
your dog is gone
your dog is gone
your dog is gone.
your dog is gone
he used to follow you and obey
now he runs barks and plays
he used to do your deeds and beg
now romps and wags tail & head
happy dogs dont get used like rags
they are made to see the sun and be glad
your dog is gone
your dog is gone
Put your crops and floggers away, I don't mean THAT kind of submissive.
Well....darn.
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