Dating with children? (girlfriend, woman, older, family)
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Being a single mother myself, I would not throw my child into the mix until much later on. I feel like if my child got attached and then things didn't work out, it would be confusing and hard on the child. It's better to wait until you know this guy is going to be around long term.
I would think that a responsible parent wouldn't introduce their child to the person they're dating until they think the child is ready. Maybe he's ready, but it's not about him. It's about the child.
i think that the guy you got rid of is the dad, and that the parts are not interchangable. its a one shot deal. kids, if being raised right, should be out of the house at 18. then you are back on your own. if you decide to be a permaparent, the current trend, that is how long you got b4 you are off the hook and start dating. the rest is utter confusion which is passed on to the next generation.
i think that the guy you got rid of is the dad, and that the parts are not interchangable. its a one shot deal. kids, if being raised right, should be out of the house at 18. then you are back on your own. if you decide to be a permaparent, the current trend, that is how long you got b4 you are off the hook and start dating. the rest is utter confusion which is passed on to the next generation.
A parent is always a parent. It doesn't end when the child turns 18. Once the kids are grown (I don't mean midnight on the kid's 18th birthday here...I mean at least out of HS and maybe even out of college), BF/GF relationships become more acceptable and can come first in your life. You aren't completely "off the hook" though. I've seen several situations where parents of adult kids have BF's/GF's who don't want the parent to be a part of the child's life at all. That's not ok.
Once your kids are grown, if your BF/GF does not want your child to be an APPROPRIATE part of your life and wants nothing to do with the kid, even then the relationship is not worth it. Husband/wife and parent/child relationships are the two most important...they are both at least SUPPOSED to be life-long. Even if your kid is 30, you should not choose someone OVER your kid. IN ADDITION to sure. But not instead of.
And, really, I don't get your word permaparent. A parent is forever. Kids should be out of the house shortly after 18. But the relationship should not be over and no BF/GF is worth completely ending a relationship with your CHILD.
Also, I should add, this doesn't mean before your kids are grown you CAN'T have a BF/GF. You just have to put your kids first. I'm not even saying put up with your kids saying you can't have one. What I'm saying is to ensure that it does not effect your relationship with your child....this applies (with whatever is an appropriate relationship considering the age of your child) whether the child is 4, 8, 16, 18, or 40.
Last edited by afoigrokerkok; 02-27-2009 at 03:37 PM..
Dating probably wasn't the correct word to use.............they have been exclusive for 2-3 months now after dating for a couple of months so technically they've been in each others lives for about 5-6 months.
I think it's time for her to at least meet them in a public place. The actual girl says it should have already happened and my other crazy friend lol says it's still too early. Of course I think there is more to his story and that's why he's not ready for that. I mean she hasn't been to his house either. Ok, I'll leave that alone because that's a whole differnt thread.
Kina, it actually does not matter how you or anyone, or even your friend, defines the relationship. What's important is that he, the guy she's dating and the FATHER of his own children, is the final decision maker of how to protect his own children. If she's mature enough to handle dating a father with kids, she should understand that NO MATTER what, his children come BEFORE her.
So, 3 months of "being exclusive" is not the same of 3 years being exclusive. So, as a woman, she should ask herself, "why do I want to meet his kids that badly?" The kids already have their own mother, as well as grandma's, and other family relatives. Unless she's ready to take on the "baggages" of being the woman that is about to enter into a whole new family with kids, she should stay out of seeing the kids, or maybe, stay away from him.
I don't date women who have children. And in the area I live most of the single women I see have children, so I guess that means I don't date much. I'm just not interested in dating someone with children because they children get in the way. And most of the women that have children, those the same women that didn't want to date me before when they were single, and yet all of a sudden now they find me attractive? Let me see if I can hit the nail directly on the head, the other guy gets to have sex with you and then I have to take care of you and your child afterwards? Funny, when I was a nobody, not even in graduate school, no one wanted to date me, but now that I'm out of dental school and done with residency I'm all of a sudden date-worthy? Too late sweetheart, you're a day late and a dollar short! And don't get me wrong, I've dated a few women before, but the ones I wanted to date, those are the ones that stood me up. Yep, you know the type, the ones that hung out with the cool guys from high school, the ones that hung out down by the river and wanted to hang out with the cool guys and drink beer all night long. Yep, those are the same women that got knocked up, have one or two children, uneducated, and to top things off that cool guy, you remember him right?, he doesn't pay child support, doesn't work or works a dead-end job, or he's no where to be found. Funny, when your back is up against the wall what some women will do. No thanks, I'll stay single. You think I want to deal with custody weekends, having to deal with the father coming around wondering who's messing around with his son's mother? Forget that!
What if it's teenage children? Would you all feel differently?
Obviously, the older the child is, the better they can handle their parent's relationships, but a responsible parent is still careful. I would be very wary of someone who insisted on meeting my kids so early.
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